Greetings, mortal.
You are to be an entertained reader. You're linked to this site because you clicked on my blog at Multiply. This whole blog is actually a chronicle of a fraction of my life, which I don't expect you to really care about, from November 2008 to June 2009. Quite some time, huh?
For those interested about the Mike-Bianca story or my epic Ateneo kickout story appropriately called as 'honorable dismissal,' this is the site for you.
If you feel that I've been missing you with stories and that I haven't filled you yet with updates or whatever of the same shit, this is the site for you.
Go and read ahead, else kindly close this window and go get some sex. Kidding. You can use this page to link yourself to all the chapters or you can use the navigational pane at the right. There's also a link to the next chapter at the end of every chapter so you'd definitely not get lost.
This is a good 1-2 hour read.
I hope you'd enjoy!
List of Chapters:
Chapter 1: Registered
Chapter 2: November Rain
Chapter 3: The Real Deal
Chapter 4: Jingle Bells
Chapter 5: Volta
Chapter 6: Denouement Of Intricacies
Chapter 7: Seventh Heaven
Chapter 8: Zen Garden
Chapter 9: Cloud Nine
Chapter 10: Sandman Saturdays
Chapter 11: Sidewalks
Chapter 12: Moment Of Truth
Chapter 13: Rejected
Chapter 14: Accepted
Chapter 15: Mathematics 69 And 0
Chapter 16: Labyrinth
Chapter 17: Chicken Hainanese
Chapter 18: Coincidental Rendezvous
Chapter 19: A Dejected Argument
Chapter 20: Fate/Stay Night
Chapter 21: Genesis
Chapter 22: The Devil Lock
Chapter 23: Rebirth
Showing posts with label The Devil Lock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Devil Lock. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Chapter 23: Rebirth
June 16, 2009.
Around 9:10 am Bianca and I were exchanging calls checking to see where to look out for each other. She just finished her first class for her first day of classes and I was still on my way to Ateneo with her over-delayed birthday gift.
"Mike, where are you? I'm already here at Gonzaga, right in front of the chapel," she phoned me since I dropped the previous call because of the choppy connection.
"I'm almost there!" I answered quickly since Gonzaga hall was already in sight from my dad's car.
In a minute I opened The Isuzu Alterra's door, stepped down, waved at Bianca and signaled her to wait for a moment, and then brought out my backpack and the gift bag I wished to give to her. And in no time I was already standing right in front of her, smiling. And as I've said before, I don't smile. Bianca's just an exception.
The moment we looked eye to eye, she said,
"What happened to your hair!?"
"It grew. I still couldn't decide with Kris if it should be a devil lock or a totally long hair. Anyway..." I continued while reaching out the Blue Magic gift bag to her, "Here, happy birthday!"
"Haha it's late, But still, thanks!"
The moment I saw her smile, I couldn't help myself but have my eyes closed and bite my lip and look at the sky and praise the Lord Alleluia. As usual I'm over-describing things. I couldn't express my happiness by any means but to smile and look at Bianca satisfied.
She then introduced me to her friend, Bea (who Danya used as a threat to me whenever I bully her), who was with her as a witness to my GG epic win. Our talk was not that long since Bianca told me they were going to hang out and things seemed that I don't have any more business to do with them so I left in a short while. I went to the AMP bench to meet up with some Ateneo friends.
Bianca was very beautiful at that time, way more beautiful than before.
Bad news: I didn't get to look at Bianca very well because my fucking hair was in the way. So fuck my hair. Other than that, we're cool.
You see, the devil lock has locked my sight from Bianca. Not just literally of course, but in a figurative way too - just as what I described the chapter before. I am a pessimist. I'd never win her heart. No, put it this way. I'm just trying to be real. She is definitely out of my league and she'll always be.
I bought a can of coke at the cafeteria, as I always do every single school day, and then went straight to the AMP bench. As soon as I arrived, Kris, Brian and Ralph Aguinaldo were already there. I had a good talk with the guys which was interrupted when Bianca passed by and had a little chat with someone at the bench before leaving, consequently leaving me stunned in the process.
She waved at me though and she was smiling. I love that girl.
Oh and by the way, I've requested Anton Magno to watch over her and keep her safe when I'm gone. Dude, if ever you read this, stick that to your mind. Haha. I'm trusting you Anton.
At around 10:00 am Brian and I went with Kris to Gonzaga hall (the spot where I handed Bianca the gift bag) to accomplish a mission - intercepting Jeimi to say a little 'hi.' We failed though - Brian had classes, Jeimi didn't seem to pass by our spot, and I had to leave for McDonald's because Rups and Chantal have been looking for me.
After a Crispy Chicken Sandwich and a Coke Zero merienda, Rups and I went to Kalayaan College and we were late for our first class by 15 minutes.
Wait, what? Kalayaan College? Oh yes. The 1st of June, mom asked me to withdraw my application at FEU because she considered it to be too far from home even though I had a merit scholarship opportunity. I followed her order although it got me a little pissed because I had to do the whole application processing shit all over again right from the very beginning, and this time it was way more stressing.
I shifted to Kalayaan College knowing that there were many fellow Ateneans over there and I thought of joining the bandwagon. The school was actually pretty decent and I'd say I'd be enjoying my stay there for quite some time. And yes, maybe I could start my new life.
I should start my Renaissance.
It already began the moment I saw Bianca.
I had my lunch break at Ateneo as well since Kalayaan College was only one train ride away, and that we don't have a goddamn cafeteria there. Besides, I might chance to see Bianca around, but no. I just enjoyed my Chicken Hainanese with Rups and Brian at SEC walk.
When Rups and I left Ateneo we happened to see Jeimi walking up the stairs of the foot bridge right in front of Ateneo Gate 2.5. We were to descend the opposite flight of stairs but the moment I saw her I stopped on my tracks. When Jeimi looked up to see who was standing by, she smiled. It was a really lucky coincidence since Rups and I were to leave Katipunan and we just chanced to see Jeimi walking out of National Book Store. We only had a short chat since Rups and I had to go immediately.
We were late again; this time for the second class. When we were dismissed I received a text message from Bianca and she was asking if I was still in Ateneo. It was 4:00 pm and I replied,
"On my way."
She said she just wanted to thank me. As much as I'd like to go see her, I couldn't because she had to go to her last class for the day which started around 4:30 pm. I just went home instead. I texted her around 6 pm asking how her day went but I received no reply.
June 17, 2009. 12:20 am. I texted her a good night message and I told her I hoped she liked the gift I gave her. She replied around 12:47. I was in bed when I was reading the text message and I was holding my Sun mobile phone with my right hand and positioned it in front of my face.
"Yeah. It's sweet of you to even drop it at school. :-)"
After I read the message, I flipped my phone closed and left the keypad locked, placed it by my head pillow beside my Globe phone, and went to sleep.
I woke up at 7:00 am because my class will start at 10:00 am. When we were dismissed, Rups and I went to Katipunan. Rups was to go to UP and meet up with Chantal and I was to go to Ateneo and hangout with Kris since I had nothing to do. Instead of going to Ateneo though, I saw my block mates at McDonald's so I opted to sit down with them and have lunch. Just before they left for their respective classes, Marco and Ken sat with me.
All in all it was a good day. I'm going to miss Ateneo. I'm going to miss Katipunan.
I once wished I'd experience failure. I was an excellent student back in grade school but I was inspired by my high school classmates to sit back a little bit and just relax. They introduced me to the truth that everything is going to be just fine. But, as an adventure, I exceeded what most wouldn't dare - failing. And now that I've experienced it I'm in no state to regret everything I've done that caused this fall.
Failure is a success in itself. Failure defines success. Without failure, there is no success in this world. And proving that reality to myself is one step ahead to the real world. This in turn has already banished the devil lock from my mind, or rather, it has unlocked the devil within me. Sounds confusing, eh?
Perhaps I should get a haircut soon.
I am a pessimist. I'd never win Bianca's heart. No, put it this way and try to be real - she is out of my fucking league - but it doesn't matter now. All I care about is making sure that she is infinitely...
Loved.
-----
[END]
Around 9:10 am Bianca and I were exchanging calls checking to see where to look out for each other. She just finished her first class for her first day of classes and I was still on my way to Ateneo with her over-delayed birthday gift.
"Mike, where are you? I'm already here at Gonzaga, right in front of the chapel," she phoned me since I dropped the previous call because of the choppy connection.
"I'm almost there!" I answered quickly since Gonzaga hall was already in sight from my dad's car.
In a minute I opened The Isuzu Alterra's door, stepped down, waved at Bianca and signaled her to wait for a moment, and then brought out my backpack and the gift bag I wished to give to her. And in no time I was already standing right in front of her, smiling. And as I've said before, I don't smile. Bianca's just an exception.
The moment we looked eye to eye, she said,
"What happened to your hair!?"
"It grew. I still couldn't decide with Kris if it should be a devil lock or a totally long hair. Anyway..." I continued while reaching out the Blue Magic gift bag to her, "Here, happy birthday!"
"Haha it's late, But still, thanks!"
The moment I saw her smile, I couldn't help myself but have my eyes closed and bite my lip and look at the sky and praise the Lord Alleluia. As usual I'm over-describing things. I couldn't express my happiness by any means but to smile and look at Bianca satisfied.
She then introduced me to her friend, Bea (who Danya used as a threat to me whenever I bully her), who was with her as a witness to my GG epic win. Our talk was not that long since Bianca told me they were going to hang out and things seemed that I don't have any more business to do with them so I left in a short while. I went to the AMP bench to meet up with some Ateneo friends.
Bianca was very beautiful at that time, way more beautiful than before.
Bad news: I didn't get to look at Bianca very well because my fucking hair was in the way. So fuck my hair. Other than that, we're cool.
You see, the devil lock has locked my sight from Bianca. Not just literally of course, but in a figurative way too - just as what I described the chapter before. I am a pessimist. I'd never win her heart. No, put it this way. I'm just trying to be real. She is definitely out of my league and she'll always be.
I bought a can of coke at the cafeteria, as I always do every single school day, and then went straight to the AMP bench. As soon as I arrived, Kris, Brian and Ralph Aguinaldo were already there. I had a good talk with the guys which was interrupted when Bianca passed by and had a little chat with someone at the bench before leaving, consequently leaving me stunned in the process.
She waved at me though and she was smiling. I love that girl.
Oh and by the way, I've requested Anton Magno to watch over her and keep her safe when I'm gone. Dude, if ever you read this, stick that to your mind. Haha. I'm trusting you Anton.
At around 10:00 am Brian and I went with Kris to Gonzaga hall (the spot where I handed Bianca the gift bag) to accomplish a mission - intercepting Jeimi to say a little 'hi.' We failed though - Brian had classes, Jeimi didn't seem to pass by our spot, and I had to leave for McDonald's because Rups and Chantal have been looking for me.
After a Crispy Chicken Sandwich and a Coke Zero merienda, Rups and I went to Kalayaan College and we were late for our first class by 15 minutes.
Wait, what? Kalayaan College? Oh yes. The 1st of June, mom asked me to withdraw my application at FEU because she considered it to be too far from home even though I had a merit scholarship opportunity. I followed her order although it got me a little pissed because I had to do the whole application processing shit all over again right from the very beginning, and this time it was way more stressing.
I shifted to Kalayaan College knowing that there were many fellow Ateneans over there and I thought of joining the bandwagon. The school was actually pretty decent and I'd say I'd be enjoying my stay there for quite some time. And yes, maybe I could start my new life.
I should start my Renaissance.
It already began the moment I saw Bianca.
I had my lunch break at Ateneo as well since Kalayaan College was only one train ride away, and that we don't have a goddamn cafeteria there. Besides, I might chance to see Bianca around, but no. I just enjoyed my Chicken Hainanese with Rups and Brian at SEC walk.
When Rups and I left Ateneo we happened to see Jeimi walking up the stairs of the foot bridge right in front of Ateneo Gate 2.5. We were to descend the opposite flight of stairs but the moment I saw her I stopped on my tracks. When Jeimi looked up to see who was standing by, she smiled. It was a really lucky coincidence since Rups and I were to leave Katipunan and we just chanced to see Jeimi walking out of National Book Store. We only had a short chat since Rups and I had to go immediately.
We were late again; this time for the second class. When we were dismissed I received a text message from Bianca and she was asking if I was still in Ateneo. It was 4:00 pm and I replied,
"On my way."
She said she just wanted to thank me. As much as I'd like to go see her, I couldn't because she had to go to her last class for the day which started around 4:30 pm. I just went home instead. I texted her around 6 pm asking how her day went but I received no reply.
June 17, 2009. 12:20 am. I texted her a good night message and I told her I hoped she liked the gift I gave her. She replied around 12:47. I was in bed when I was reading the text message and I was holding my Sun mobile phone with my right hand and positioned it in front of my face.
"Yeah. It's sweet of you to even drop it at school. :-)"
After I read the message, I flipped my phone closed and left the keypad locked, placed it by my head pillow beside my Globe phone, and went to sleep.
I woke up at 7:00 am because my class will start at 10:00 am. When we were dismissed, Rups and I went to Katipunan. Rups was to go to UP and meet up with Chantal and I was to go to Ateneo and hangout with Kris since I had nothing to do. Instead of going to Ateneo though, I saw my block mates at McDonald's so I opted to sit down with them and have lunch. Just before they left for their respective classes, Marco and Ken sat with me.
All in all it was a good day. I'm going to miss Ateneo. I'm going to miss Katipunan.
I once wished I'd experience failure. I was an excellent student back in grade school but I was inspired by my high school classmates to sit back a little bit and just relax. They introduced me to the truth that everything is going to be just fine. But, as an adventure, I exceeded what most wouldn't dare - failing. And now that I've experienced it I'm in no state to regret everything I've done that caused this fall.
Failure is a success in itself. Failure defines success. Without failure, there is no success in this world. And proving that reality to myself is one step ahead to the real world. This in turn has already banished the devil lock from my mind, or rather, it has unlocked the devil within me. Sounds confusing, eh?
Perhaps I should get a haircut soon.
I am a pessimist. I'd never win Bianca's heart. No, put it this way and try to be real - she is out of my fucking league - but it doesn't matter now. All I care about is making sure that she is infinitely...
Loved.
-----
[END]
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Chapter 22: The Devil Lock
Let me clear some things first before continuing. I know you've been pretty much confused by how things have been going inside my mind.
1.) There was never an 'us.'
2.) We're just friends. I just treat her extra special.
3.) I stress on very common and normal things, making them look special too.
4.) Shit happens.
5.) I was divided among choices - of pursuing her or not, or whatever.
I wasn't able to make the choice from the very beginning and so the choice made me. That doesn't make me any better than a fool making a fool of himself thinking that doing so is not foolish at all. Does that make us all fools choosing over foolish choices? Would we fool the beginning by choosing the end? Or would we rather have the beginning and the end as one? Making fools and choices as one too in the process?
You see, the world revolves in beginnings and ends formed by fools and choices. The sequence of such phenomenon does not digress a single bit from this linear occurrence - everything begins and ends - which is an inevitably irreversible natural process that is further subrogated by a cycle where 1.) the fool, who is a fool in the first place, makes a choice that does not change anything, or 2.) the choice makes the fool a true fool which does not change anything too, rendering the whole cycle foolishness.
This happens, always.
Optimists tell you that this is complete bullshit. To tell you the truth, optimists are actually the epitome of the word 'bullshit.'
Put it this way. Have a male optimist and a male pessimist sit on a bench in a park or something and let a really hot dream girl they've been thinking of pass in front of them together with her boyfriend and then compare side by side what the two would be saying.
Pessimist: That girl is hot, man. Damn she has a boyfriend already. Oh well.
Optimist: That girl is hot man, Damn she has a boyfriend already. But because I am an optimist as opposed to the sucker right beside me I'd prefer to think that she and I are going to be one someday.
Kindly analyze the fucking difference.
When you plainly read those, it can be directly concluded that the pessimist, as his title suggests, was thinking highly negative by blurting out a totally hopeless statement. That is why I'd like to call them the 'fucked ones.' On the other hand, the optimist belong to what we technically call the 'fuckers.' Why is that?
The pessimist satisfies himself with the reality that he'd have no chance on the dream girl. He contents himself with that. That's just fine if we let him be a certified sucker as he is. But the optimist, I mean the fucker, is thinking highly negative and conjuring it as something positive. Here is a possibility: he is subconsciously wishing, or hoping for that matter (well he may just be putting it that way when he is completely aware of what he is wishing for and its consequences), that the hot dream girl would break up with her boyfriend someday. That's when he gets his chance. That is what we call 'evil' ladies and gentlemen.
So actually, the certified sucker is much better compared to this fucker optimist that's a branded asshole since birth.
Oh shit. I got you there twit. Think positive, huh? Well, think again. Here's something for the fuckers out there: think before you think positive, fucker.
My friend, Elena, who I constantly bullied ever since I've known her, once said,
"Pessimists are what ruin the world."
Well, the real fuckers ruin the world. The pessimists are just fools left with no choices because they chose to do so. The optimists are left with choices however but they opt to make a fool of themselves simply because they wanted to but would never admit it. Fucking gay shit if you ask me.
In summary, the pessimists are worthless creatures that make this planet stink as it is while the optimists are the worst stench that make this planet stink even more. That makes them all fuckers which consequently dooms them to be the fucked ones in the end. These optimists and pessimists are good-for-nothing mortals that passionately fuck themselves with hopes and dreams. They have something in common though. They do suffer the same fate; it's just that they choose the form of their suffering - the pessimist proving himself to be a certified sucker, and the optimist a fucker... To himself.
The world is ruined from the very beginning and it won't be foolish to choose to end it, or rather, by choosing to end the ruin of this world you begin your own foolishness thereby ruining your own world yielding no actual difference. Effort is futile indeed.
The whole of humankind is cursed from the very beginning, dreaded by themselves and doomed upon themselves. This is what I'd like to call,
'The Devil Lock.'
Of course I'm kidding. If you actually believed that shit you're really fucked, man. It is quite evident that the whole argument above is actually one-sided. And that is what the close-minded seal themselves with - they propose a biased duality as a truth and that nothing is ever going out of that box forever. The true truth however is that there is no box.
Everything goes.
The point is, up until now I've just been arguing with myself. I just miss Bianca.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
1.) There was never an 'us.'
2.) We're just friends. I just treat her extra special.
3.) I stress on very common and normal things, making them look special too.
4.) Shit happens.
5.) I was divided among choices - of pursuing her or not, or whatever.
I wasn't able to make the choice from the very beginning and so the choice made me. That doesn't make me any better than a fool making a fool of himself thinking that doing so is not foolish at all. Does that make us all fools choosing over foolish choices? Would we fool the beginning by choosing the end? Or would we rather have the beginning and the end as one? Making fools and choices as one too in the process?
You see, the world revolves in beginnings and ends formed by fools and choices. The sequence of such phenomenon does not digress a single bit from this linear occurrence - everything begins and ends - which is an inevitably irreversible natural process that is further subrogated by a cycle where 1.) the fool, who is a fool in the first place, makes a choice that does not change anything, or 2.) the choice makes the fool a true fool which does not change anything too, rendering the whole cycle foolishness.
This happens, always.
Optimists tell you that this is complete bullshit. To tell you the truth, optimists are actually the epitome of the word 'bullshit.'
Put it this way. Have a male optimist and a male pessimist sit on a bench in a park or something and let a really hot dream girl they've been thinking of pass in front of them together with her boyfriend and then compare side by side what the two would be saying.
Pessimist: That girl is hot, man. Damn she has a boyfriend already. Oh well.
Optimist: That girl is hot man, Damn she has a boyfriend already. But because I am an optimist as opposed to the sucker right beside me I'd prefer to think that she and I are going to be one someday.
Kindly analyze the fucking difference.
When you plainly read those, it can be directly concluded that the pessimist, as his title suggests, was thinking highly negative by blurting out a totally hopeless statement. That is why I'd like to call them the 'fucked ones.' On the other hand, the optimist belong to what we technically call the 'fuckers.' Why is that?
The pessimist satisfies himself with the reality that he'd have no chance on the dream girl. He contents himself with that. That's just fine if we let him be a certified sucker as he is. But the optimist, I mean the fucker, is thinking highly negative and conjuring it as something positive. Here is a possibility: he is subconsciously wishing, or hoping for that matter (well he may just be putting it that way when he is completely aware of what he is wishing for and its consequences), that the hot dream girl would break up with her boyfriend someday. That's when he gets his chance. That is what we call 'evil' ladies and gentlemen.
So actually, the certified sucker is much better compared to this fucker optimist that's a branded asshole since birth.
Oh shit. I got you there twit. Think positive, huh? Well, think again. Here's something for the fuckers out there: think before you think positive, fucker.
My friend, Elena, who I constantly bullied ever since I've known her, once said,
"Pessimists are what ruin the world."
Well, the real fuckers ruin the world. The pessimists are just fools left with no choices because they chose to do so. The optimists are left with choices however but they opt to make a fool of themselves simply because they wanted to but would never admit it. Fucking gay shit if you ask me.
In summary, the pessimists are worthless creatures that make this planet stink as it is while the optimists are the worst stench that make this planet stink even more. That makes them all fuckers which consequently dooms them to be the fucked ones in the end. These optimists and pessimists are good-for-nothing mortals that passionately fuck themselves with hopes and dreams. They have something in common though. They do suffer the same fate; it's just that they choose the form of their suffering - the pessimist proving himself to be a certified sucker, and the optimist a fucker... To himself.
The world is ruined from the very beginning and it won't be foolish to choose to end it, or rather, by choosing to end the ruin of this world you begin your own foolishness thereby ruining your own world yielding no actual difference. Effort is futile indeed.
The whole of humankind is cursed from the very beginning, dreaded by themselves and doomed upon themselves. This is what I'd like to call,
'The Devil Lock.'
Of course I'm kidding. If you actually believed that shit you're really fucked, man. It is quite evident that the whole argument above is actually one-sided. And that is what the close-minded seal themselves with - they propose a biased duality as a truth and that nothing is ever going out of that box forever. The true truth however is that there is no box.
Everything goes.
The point is, up until now I've just been arguing with myself. I just miss Bianca.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, May 25, 2009
Chapter 21: Genesis
Exactly 2 months before the exact time this chapter was published, I was at Yellow Cab, Eastwood City, Libis, having my moment of truth (kindly refer to Chapter 12).
I was dumped of course.
The time I was writing this blog, I was also phoning her but the service was temporarily unavailable. I was to call her just this afternoon but it seemed that her phone was unattended. Up until now my efforts were in vain.
And as I was thinking of the whole vacation and how to summarize it into one chapter, she phoned me. 11:00 pm. It was a talk I should cherish all my fucking life.
"Hi. Hello," I answered.
"Hello Mike."
"I was phoning you a while ago but it seemed you weren't with your phone or something."
"Well yeah. I was out."
Over an hour of chatting and my stomach called for food. I learned that Bianca just arrived home when she called me and that she still haven't changed clothes. So I gave her the time of doing so while I sneaked into the kitchen to grab a pack of Cheetos and a bowl of Kellogs to munch on.
We didn't call each other back and instead we sufficed ourselves with consistent exchange of text messages. Blown away by my happiness, I wasn't able to formulate a flow for this chapter as soon as possible so I had to delay publishing this chapter.
Looking back, the whole vacation was a mere bumming spree since I had nothing to do because I was sentenced with house arrest. Add to that the condition that I cannot use the computer for long periods of time, thus limiting the sources of indoor happiness, and that I cannot tune to the television the whole day unlike before. I could only go out if I had errands (e.g. applying for transfer credentials, acquiring my transcript of records, blah blah).
I did not get my ass into UP. As expected, I wasn't able to meet the minimum requirement for transferees so I had to immediately pull out my papers from them and find another school to apply to. Too bad I could not get into Philosophy - the course I wanted to be in to ever since first year. With the aid of Japs I had myself walking into the gates of the Far Eastern University as a transferee student.
It was a Wednesday, the 6th of May, and I was with Jap and Brian (I introduced the two). Jap had to do some stuff and in that process he could kind of assist me in applying at FEU. Brian was there primarily to hangout with me and join me in this little escapade since he had nothing to do.
May 8, 2009. 9:00 am. I was already sitting at room 307 of the Nursing Building at FEU having my entrance examination. Of course I didn't prepare. The questions were similar to a Facebook quiz and I finished in an hour and a half. I then went to Ateneo to get my official transcript of records that I should be submitting to FEU because I was quite sure I'm going to pass the entrance.
Indeed. I was accepted and I could apply for merit scholarship because I got a good 97% in the entrance exam. I was in for AB Literature. So everything was quite according to plan and I cheered up my parents' spirits with my latest accomplishment in life. Let's see what they're going to do with my scholarship then.
Happiness and glory aside, things were quite pains in the ass. Everything was such a hassle that I needed to bounce back and forth from Ateneo to UP and to FEU for several times to fix my papers and run into transactions. I had my application at UP finally cleared when I acquired back all my documents and submitted them straight to FEU - and it didn't end there - FEU wanted more than what UP required for applications so I had to go back to Ateneo to apply all over again for those fucking papers.
The evening of May 17, 2009 I decided to write something for Bianca. It's a short poem which can be found here. I'd like you to closely watch out for the details so as to unlock its secrets.
May 21, 2009. 2:20 pm.
"Hi mike! What's up?" Bianca messaged me at Yahoo! Messenger.
"Hi. Sorry for the late reply. I was making coffee downstairs." I haven't talked to her lately. I continued, "Uhhh what's up? Nothing much."
"How are you?" she asked.
"No, how are you?" I could not remember why I was in a bad mood back then.
"Answer my question first."
"Ladies first."
The argument kept on going in circles and I admit I sounded rude and sarcastic all throughout.
"I'm okay," she gave in, "But I think you're not in the mood to talk."
"As long as you're okay, I'm good. And oh, I'm always in the mood to talk."
"I'm sorry," she responded.
"Why?"
"Just wanted to know how you are."
Ok so I was in semi-asshole mode and I successfully ticked her off, ticking myself too in the process. It was fucking stupid of me.
And oh yes, for the last of the updates regarding the whole vacation - it is being on the phone with her the evening of May 25, 2009. Martin even told me that the 2-month fail-sary (as I'd like to put it) is not worth commemorating. I guess so, yes, but still it didn't break me - it made me instead, into another person. And as I've even said before, nothing's going to make me love her any less than today, or tomorrow, or the days after.
And here I am writing another Genesis of my life.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
I was dumped of course.
The time I was writing this blog, I was also phoning her but the service was temporarily unavailable. I was to call her just this afternoon but it seemed that her phone was unattended. Up until now my efforts were in vain.
And as I was thinking of the whole vacation and how to summarize it into one chapter, she phoned me. 11:00 pm. It was a talk I should cherish all my fucking life.
"Hi. Hello," I answered.
"Hello Mike."
"I was phoning you a while ago but it seemed you weren't with your phone or something."
"Well yeah. I was out."
Over an hour of chatting and my stomach called for food. I learned that Bianca just arrived home when she called me and that she still haven't changed clothes. So I gave her the time of doing so while I sneaked into the kitchen to grab a pack of Cheetos and a bowl of Kellogs to munch on.
We didn't call each other back and instead we sufficed ourselves with consistent exchange of text messages. Blown away by my happiness, I wasn't able to formulate a flow for this chapter as soon as possible so I had to delay publishing this chapter.
Looking back, the whole vacation was a mere bumming spree since I had nothing to do because I was sentenced with house arrest. Add to that the condition that I cannot use the computer for long periods of time, thus limiting the sources of indoor happiness, and that I cannot tune to the television the whole day unlike before. I could only go out if I had errands (e.g. applying for transfer credentials, acquiring my transcript of records, blah blah).
I did not get my ass into UP. As expected, I wasn't able to meet the minimum requirement for transferees so I had to immediately pull out my papers from them and find another school to apply to. Too bad I could not get into Philosophy - the course I wanted to be in to ever since first year. With the aid of Japs I had myself walking into the gates of the Far Eastern University as a transferee student.
It was a Wednesday, the 6th of May, and I was with Jap and Brian (I introduced the two). Jap had to do some stuff and in that process he could kind of assist me in applying at FEU. Brian was there primarily to hangout with me and join me in this little escapade since he had nothing to do.
May 8, 2009. 9:00 am. I was already sitting at room 307 of the Nursing Building at FEU having my entrance examination. Of course I didn't prepare. The questions were similar to a Facebook quiz and I finished in an hour and a half. I then went to Ateneo to get my official transcript of records that I should be submitting to FEU because I was quite sure I'm going to pass the entrance.
Indeed. I was accepted and I could apply for merit scholarship because I got a good 97% in the entrance exam. I was in for AB Literature. So everything was quite according to plan and I cheered up my parents' spirits with my latest accomplishment in life. Let's see what they're going to do with my scholarship then.
Happiness and glory aside, things were quite pains in the ass. Everything was such a hassle that I needed to bounce back and forth from Ateneo to UP and to FEU for several times to fix my papers and run into transactions. I had my application at UP finally cleared when I acquired back all my documents and submitted them straight to FEU - and it didn't end there - FEU wanted more than what UP required for applications so I had to go back to Ateneo to apply all over again for those fucking papers.
The evening of May 17, 2009 I decided to write something for Bianca. It's a short poem which can be found here. I'd like you to closely watch out for the details so as to unlock its secrets.
May 21, 2009. 2:20 pm.
"Hi mike! What's up?" Bianca messaged me at Yahoo! Messenger.
"Hi. Sorry for the late reply. I was making coffee downstairs." I haven't talked to her lately. I continued, "Uhhh what's up? Nothing much."
"How are you?" she asked.
"No, how are you?" I could not remember why I was in a bad mood back then.
"Answer my question first."
"Ladies first."
The argument kept on going in circles and I admit I sounded rude and sarcastic all throughout.
"I'm okay," she gave in, "But I think you're not in the mood to talk."
"As long as you're okay, I'm good. And oh, I'm always in the mood to talk."
"I'm sorry," she responded.
"Why?"
"Just wanted to know how you are."
Ok so I was in semi-asshole mode and I successfully ticked her off, ticking myself too in the process. It was fucking stupid of me.
And oh yes, for the last of the updates regarding the whole vacation - it is being on the phone with her the evening of May 25, 2009. Martin even told me that the 2-month fail-sary (as I'd like to put it) is not worth commemorating. I guess so, yes, but still it didn't break me - it made me instead, into another person. And as I've even said before, nothing's going to make me love her any less than today, or tomorrow, or the days after.
And here I am writing another Genesis of my life.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Chapter 20: Fate/Stay Night
Unusual title, eh? Does it sound familiar? Well for anime fans, yes.
Exactly 5 weeks ago, around 11:20 pm, I had to shut my computer down because I had to fucking obey stupid house regulations. I wasn't in the mood to sleep of course. I mean, who would be fucking asleep when the moment before you do so, you were being scolded for innocently killing boredom because you were a fucking bum all throughout the day. It has been pissing me off.
Because I was overly pissed at the time I didn't know I was already unconsciously scanning TV channels for a good show that'd hopefully lend me slumber, I tuned in to Animax at around 11:35 pm. I was like,
"Hey I know this fucking shit."
Indeed. It was the last anime I watched before I quit being a fan several years ago. As far as I could remember I was only able to watch the first 3 episodes of the whole series. I was a lucky ass because the moment I tuned in, episode 4 was already playing as if the show was for me.
Fate/Stay Night.
It was based on a video game and the story is pretty awesome although the anime version was minimized to fill in only 24 episodes where as the original length would probably be 100 times longer (hyperbole intended). Here's the gist of the story.
Setting: Japan
The main character named Shirou is an incapable magician who summoned a servant named Saber. Because of this he turned out to be one of the seven masters, who each has a servant, that will fight other masters and servants in the Holy Grail war. Now this war grants the last master and servant standing a wish through the power of the holy grail (note that Shirou was wishing for nothing), but to achieve this means to eliminate every single opponent through the forced cooperation of the master and the servant with the circumstances that 1.) only the servant can touch the grail, 2.) the master can force the servant. Let them sort their balls out with that. Smells like trouble.
Each servant is a reincarnation of a legendary character but in a different form. Saber for example is a woman but is actually King Arthur in the past. King Arthur wanted to win the Holy Grail war to undo a mistake that caused the fall of his kingdom. That is his purpose for fighting in the war. As the story progresses, Shirou pointed out that the effort was stupid since he believes that the past is the past and that what one should be thinking of and preparing for right now is the future. Moreover, he said that changing the past is childish - a mistake is a mistake and undoing something in the past means not getting over it up until now.
There have been numerous twists in the story, of which I'm not going to spoil anymore, that makes Fate/Stay Night a really cool anime considering that I only liked 4 or 5 animes in my whole life. Towards the end, Shirou and Saber were to fight one of the most powerful servants, who was a reincarnation of Gilgamesh (remember your Western history), and a formidable master, who was a survivor of the previous holy grail war that killed Shirou's stepfather.
Towards the end, Saber was able to kill Gilgamesh with her full power. Shirou was able to successfully defeat the last remaining master rendering him the glory of the holy grail war. But then, he ordered Saber to destroy the holy grail to stop the madness and wickedness it has brought to the world. At the end of it all, Saber realized that she loved Shirou who loved her first but she didn't succumb to because she was blinding herself that all she wanted was the grail. It was a cheesy ending, but there's this one scene that I fucking liked in this anime.
When Saber was able to defeat Gilgamesh, the guy told her that all he wanted was Saber and nothing more. Before he dissipated into thin air, he uttered the following words while having his right palm rest on Saber's left cheek.
"Some things are beautiful for the very reason that they are unobtainable."
And oh, during the last minutes of the very last episode there's this scene when Shirou was contemplating upon the past. I think he was standing on a bridge or something while overlooking a sea. It was the same place where he got to hang out with Saber before.
He said something like, "I might forget her smile, her voice, her face... But I won't be able to forget that I loved someone named Saber." I'm not sure with the accuracy of the words though but the essence was the same thing. Cheese. I enjoyed the whole series too that I wanted to download the game. It's just that my hard drive's left with only 200 MB of usable space whilst the whole visual novel was 2 gigabytes in size.
As if I've not had enough of animes and that I'm a fucking bum, I watched another series that was released December 2008. Now this anime's nothing fancy of intense sword fighting, bizarre sorcery, flying people and weird talking animals and mystical creatures and cute little demons and sexy hentai-ish angels - this one's normal, normal as in it can be seen in every day life. It's called,
ToraDora.
(Tiger Dragon, mind you.)
And this one's not fucking cheesy to tell the truth. This one's a simple laughtrip. The whole series can be found at YouTube if ever you're interested and I recommend it to those who don't like anime. Yes, those who don't like anime. And oh, try to unlock why the anime's entitled tiger and dragon. It's pretty interesting.
Interesting because... There's two guys who are good friends - one looks like a serial killer giving him the reputation of a delinquent in school, feared by many students, and the other guy a simple overworking genius and an athlete at the same time, and a heartthrob. They were second year high school students, and on the very first day of their school year, Ryuji 'the delinquent' bumped onto Taiga 'the palmtop tiger' (because of her tiger-like attitude that can beat the shit out of anyone, and palmtop because she's really small).
Now that's two powers clashing in school and Ryuji got his nose broken. Moving on, Taiga got to beat the shit out of Ryuji because she accidentally placed her love letter for Yusaku (Ryuji's good friend) in Ryuji's bag. Ryuji, in consolation, however opened up to Taiga about her feelings for Minori (a fellow baseball team captain of Yusaku) and that's when Taiga revealed that Minori was her goddamn bestfriend, so really, Ryuji screwed his ass twice - making her Taiga's dog for quite some time.
And the best goddamn thing is that they're all classmates.
And there's an addition to their simple group when Ami, a childhood friend of Yusaku and at the same time a really gorgeous model, transferred to their school and to their happy class.
What's good about this shit is that, throughout the story, Minori tried to hide her feelings for Ryuji, while Ami waited for Ryuji to give up on Minori so that she would have her chance. And then, in the end, Taiga realized that she liked Ryuji more than Yusaku (who by the way liked her before but started to like someone else). Now that's what we call intensity.
I'm not going to spoil the details. I'd rather have you see this for yourself.
The verdict: no matter how much time I spend on other things, the tigers and dragons of infatuation cling on me that I stay up all night pondering on the progression of my fate.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Exactly 5 weeks ago, around 11:20 pm, I had to shut my computer down because I had to fucking obey stupid house regulations. I wasn't in the mood to sleep of course. I mean, who would be fucking asleep when the moment before you do so, you were being scolded for innocently killing boredom because you were a fucking bum all throughout the day. It has been pissing me off.
Because I was overly pissed at the time I didn't know I was already unconsciously scanning TV channels for a good show that'd hopefully lend me slumber, I tuned in to Animax at around 11:35 pm. I was like,
"Hey I know this fucking shit."
Indeed. It was the last anime I watched before I quit being a fan several years ago. As far as I could remember I was only able to watch the first 3 episodes of the whole series. I was a lucky ass because the moment I tuned in, episode 4 was already playing as if the show was for me.
Fate/Stay Night.
It was based on a video game and the story is pretty awesome although the anime version was minimized to fill in only 24 episodes where as the original length would probably be 100 times longer (hyperbole intended). Here's the gist of the story.
Setting: Japan
The main character named Shirou is an incapable magician who summoned a servant named Saber. Because of this he turned out to be one of the seven masters, who each has a servant, that will fight other masters and servants in the Holy Grail war. Now this war grants the last master and servant standing a wish through the power of the holy grail (note that Shirou was wishing for nothing), but to achieve this means to eliminate every single opponent through the forced cooperation of the master and the servant with the circumstances that 1.) only the servant can touch the grail, 2.) the master can force the servant. Let them sort their balls out with that. Smells like trouble.
Each servant is a reincarnation of a legendary character but in a different form. Saber for example is a woman but is actually King Arthur in the past. King Arthur wanted to win the Holy Grail war to undo a mistake that caused the fall of his kingdom. That is his purpose for fighting in the war. As the story progresses, Shirou pointed out that the effort was stupid since he believes that the past is the past and that what one should be thinking of and preparing for right now is the future. Moreover, he said that changing the past is childish - a mistake is a mistake and undoing something in the past means not getting over it up until now.
There have been numerous twists in the story, of which I'm not going to spoil anymore, that makes Fate/Stay Night a really cool anime considering that I only liked 4 or 5 animes in my whole life. Towards the end, Shirou and Saber were to fight one of the most powerful servants, who was a reincarnation of Gilgamesh (remember your Western history), and a formidable master, who was a survivor of the previous holy grail war that killed Shirou's stepfather.
Towards the end, Saber was able to kill Gilgamesh with her full power. Shirou was able to successfully defeat the last remaining master rendering him the glory of the holy grail war. But then, he ordered Saber to destroy the holy grail to stop the madness and wickedness it has brought to the world. At the end of it all, Saber realized that she loved Shirou who loved her first but she didn't succumb to because she was blinding herself that all she wanted was the grail. It was a cheesy ending, but there's this one scene that I fucking liked in this anime.
When Saber was able to defeat Gilgamesh, the guy told her that all he wanted was Saber and nothing more. Before he dissipated into thin air, he uttered the following words while having his right palm rest on Saber's left cheek.
"Some things are beautiful for the very reason that they are unobtainable."
And oh, during the last minutes of the very last episode there's this scene when Shirou was contemplating upon the past. I think he was standing on a bridge or something while overlooking a sea. It was the same place where he got to hang out with Saber before.
He said something like, "I might forget her smile, her voice, her face... But I won't be able to forget that I loved someone named Saber." I'm not sure with the accuracy of the words though but the essence was the same thing. Cheese. I enjoyed the whole series too that I wanted to download the game. It's just that my hard drive's left with only 200 MB of usable space whilst the whole visual novel was 2 gigabytes in size.
As if I've not had enough of animes and that I'm a fucking bum, I watched another series that was released December 2008. Now this anime's nothing fancy of intense sword fighting, bizarre sorcery, flying people and weird talking animals and mystical creatures and cute little demons and sexy hentai-ish angels - this one's normal, normal as in it can be seen in every day life. It's called,
ToraDora.
(Tiger Dragon, mind you.)
And this one's not fucking cheesy to tell the truth. This one's a simple laughtrip. The whole series can be found at YouTube if ever you're interested and I recommend it to those who don't like anime. Yes, those who don't like anime. And oh, try to unlock why the anime's entitled tiger and dragon. It's pretty interesting.
Interesting because... There's two guys who are good friends - one looks like a serial killer giving him the reputation of a delinquent in school, feared by many students, and the other guy a simple overworking genius and an athlete at the same time, and a heartthrob. They were second year high school students, and on the very first day of their school year, Ryuji 'the delinquent' bumped onto Taiga 'the palmtop tiger' (because of her tiger-like attitude that can beat the shit out of anyone, and palmtop because she's really small).
Now that's two powers clashing in school and Ryuji got his nose broken. Moving on, Taiga got to beat the shit out of Ryuji because she accidentally placed her love letter for Yusaku (Ryuji's good friend) in Ryuji's bag. Ryuji, in consolation, however opened up to Taiga about her feelings for Minori (a fellow baseball team captain of Yusaku) and that's when Taiga revealed that Minori was her goddamn bestfriend, so really, Ryuji screwed his ass twice - making her Taiga's dog for quite some time.
And the best goddamn thing is that they're all classmates.
And there's an addition to their simple group when Ami, a childhood friend of Yusaku and at the same time a really gorgeous model, transferred to their school and to their happy class.
What's good about this shit is that, throughout the story, Minori tried to hide her feelings for Ryuji, while Ami waited for Ryuji to give up on Minori so that she would have her chance. And then, in the end, Taiga realized that she liked Ryuji more than Yusaku (who by the way liked her before but started to like someone else). Now that's what we call intensity.
I'm not going to spoil the details. I'd rather have you see this for yourself.
The verdict: no matter how much time I spend on other things, the tigers and dragons of infatuation cling on me that I stay up all night pondering on the progression of my fate.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, May 18, 2009
Chapter 19: A Dejected Argument
May 5, 2009.
It was any other bum day since I was caged home for a full 24 hours. The whole day was actually quite fine and it was going steady until the clock hit 4:00 pm.
My mom called UP earlier that day to inquire about the processing of my application. It was bad news since the moment the Office of the University Registrar answered mum's call and asked for my name,
"Oh, Michael? From Ateneo?" asked by someone who got the line.
"Yes," mum immediately replied.
"Uhmm, we are still on the process of evaluating his grades but they are really low that he might not get the cut..."
It was a 1-minute conversation between mum and that someone. Mum just passed me this information since I was playing DotA when she called UP.
4:00 pm it is when dad arrived from Makati.
"So, if he's not going to UP...?" he confronted mum.
"We don't know."
"Then he's not going to study anymore! It's UP or nothing!" dad blatantly replied.
Angered yet shocked by this, I went to the dining room where both of them were discussing so that I could at least question how that decision came to be. In case, I also prepared to explain myself if ever mum and dad are going to GG-fy me for eternity. But a poor damned soul I was, the second they caught a glimpse of my figure emerging from the stairs, dad already started,
"Michael Eric, what now?"
"What 'what now'?" I slowly and softly answered.
"If you're not going to UP... Then you're not going anywhere!"
I didn't answer back to his fiery words. I was quite insulted with his statement. I know I got kicked out of the Ateneo because of my irresponsibility but for sure this isn't the way to settle this situation. I've always thought there's a room for improvement in any aspect of life I could be in, but then, what now?
That sucks.
May 6, 2009. 12:50 am.
I just signed in at Yahoo! Messenger because I got bored with TV shows and that I couldn't sleep. Just seconds after I clicked on the 'Available' button (since I do sign in as 'Invisible') a message window instantly popped up.
"Ooh Mr. Acosta is here ;))" Bianca said.
"Hi :-D"
"How are you?"
"Uhhh, screwed for life. You?"
"Screwed since a second ago."
"Why?"
"Because you said you're screwed for life."
I guarantee you those were the very words. It was only a 40-minute chat and all that time she was convincing me that I'm not a good-for-nothing person and that my parents weren't loathing me whatsoever. A pessimist I am, I argued that life's going to be wasted anytime soon. I told her that I've already lost everything the day before. I don't even know if my existence is going on a direction. I don't have anything more than that.
"But you have a friend that's bugging you right now and telling you not to give up because she believes in you."
Sweet. K. I was GG-fied yet again and I didn't know what to say but thanks. I knew I couldn't get myself to loving her any less because I just could not afford to.
"I told you," she continued, "You can't do anything. You're stuck with me. Sorry :-P"
The verdict was that we both believed there is goodness in this earth - she believes in mine; I believe in hers. Quits. Wait, what?!
It was pretty much casual talk when the chat crossed 20 minutes time but then she pitched in another GG line out of the blue.
"Haven't heard from you in a while. Hmmm."
"Why?"
"Don't get so depressed. There are so many beautiful things in this world."
"Indeed."
...
"Good thing I caught you online because I rarely get to afford the time," she said.
"I'm just a phone away."
She had to go in a little while so she already bid a good bye. She had to wake up early later that morning because she had to apply for her driver's license. But before we ended our conversation, we had these significant lines, I may say, that we traded with the winds of memory. I started out first.
"You're always convincing, Bianca. You can be in Ms. Universe."
"Nooo, I'm short."
"I'm not yet done. Ms Universe... Of my life."
"=))"
Fuck my ass. Now. That has to be the lamest line I could've said in my whole fucking life.
"I dont want to see you sad," I resumed.
"You want me to smile?"
"If I were a camera, I'm sure you'd always be smiling. That's why your smile is stored in my brain."
":)) Anyway, before I go, smile for me."
I did. It could've been more romantic if I had tears flowing down from my eyes, but no.
Life is one big fucking argument. Mike Acosta is a big fat argument. What do these have in common?
They're fucking dejected. That's cool, man.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
It was any other bum day since I was caged home for a full 24 hours. The whole day was actually quite fine and it was going steady until the clock hit 4:00 pm.
My mom called UP earlier that day to inquire about the processing of my application. It was bad news since the moment the Office of the University Registrar answered mum's call and asked for my name,
"Oh, Michael? From Ateneo?" asked by someone who got the line.
"Yes," mum immediately replied.
"Uhmm, we are still on the process of evaluating his grades but they are really low that he might not get the cut..."
It was a 1-minute conversation between mum and that someone. Mum just passed me this information since I was playing DotA when she called UP.
4:00 pm it is when dad arrived from Makati.
"So, if he's not going to UP...?" he confronted mum.
"We don't know."
"Then he's not going to study anymore! It's UP or nothing!" dad blatantly replied.
Angered yet shocked by this, I went to the dining room where both of them were discussing so that I could at least question how that decision came to be. In case, I also prepared to explain myself if ever mum and dad are going to GG-fy me for eternity. But a poor damned soul I was, the second they caught a glimpse of my figure emerging from the stairs, dad already started,
"Michael Eric, what now?"
"What 'what now'?" I slowly and softly answered.
"If you're not going to UP... Then you're not going anywhere!"
I didn't answer back to his fiery words. I was quite insulted with his statement. I know I got kicked out of the Ateneo because of my irresponsibility but for sure this isn't the way to settle this situation. I've always thought there's a room for improvement in any aspect of life I could be in, but then, what now?
That sucks.
May 6, 2009. 12:50 am.
I just signed in at Yahoo! Messenger because I got bored with TV shows and that I couldn't sleep. Just seconds after I clicked on the 'Available' button (since I do sign in as 'Invisible') a message window instantly popped up.
"Ooh Mr. Acosta is here ;))" Bianca said.
"Hi :-D"
"How are you?"
"Uhhh, screwed for life. You?"
"Screwed since a second ago."
"Why?"
"Because you said you're screwed for life."
I guarantee you those were the very words. It was only a 40-minute chat and all that time she was convincing me that I'm not a good-for-nothing person and that my parents weren't loathing me whatsoever. A pessimist I am, I argued that life's going to be wasted anytime soon. I told her that I've already lost everything the day before. I don't even know if my existence is going on a direction. I don't have anything more than that.
"But you have a friend that's bugging you right now and telling you not to give up because she believes in you."
Sweet. K. I was GG-fied yet again and I didn't know what to say but thanks. I knew I couldn't get myself to loving her any less because I just could not afford to.
"I told you," she continued, "You can't do anything. You're stuck with me. Sorry :-P"
The verdict was that we both believed there is goodness in this earth - she believes in mine; I believe in hers. Quits. Wait, what?!
It was pretty much casual talk when the chat crossed 20 minutes time but then she pitched in another GG line out of the blue.
"Haven't heard from you in a while. Hmmm."
"Why?"
"Don't get so depressed. There are so many beautiful things in this world."
"Indeed."
...
"Good thing I caught you online because I rarely get to afford the time," she said.
"I'm just a phone away."
She had to go in a little while so she already bid a good bye. She had to wake up early later that morning because she had to apply for her driver's license. But before we ended our conversation, we had these significant lines, I may say, that we traded with the winds of memory. I started out first.
"You're always convincing, Bianca. You can be in Ms. Universe."
"Nooo, I'm short."
"I'm not yet done. Ms Universe... Of my life."
"=))"
Fuck my ass. Now. That has to be the lamest line I could've said in my whole fucking life.
"I dont want to see you sad," I resumed.
"You want me to smile?"
"If I were a camera, I'm sure you'd always be smiling. That's why your smile is stored in my brain."
":)) Anyway, before I go, smile for me."
I did. It could've been more romantic if I had tears flowing down from my eyes, but no.
Life is one big fucking argument. Mike Acosta is a big fat argument. What do these have in common?
They're fucking dejected. That's cool, man.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Chapter 18: Coincidental Rendezvous
April 29, 2009, Wednesday - the day this chapter was made.
I returned to Ateneo to acquire my delayed transcript of records. The registrar's office told me last Friday that I could get my transcript by the following Monday since they'd be editing an entry on the printed copy that wasn't supposed to be there. However, their promise didn't seem to be coming any real than Edward Cullen so I tried to follow up the whole shit.
I arrived at 11:30 and passed by the cafeteria. I saw some of my ex-block mates there and I hung out with them for an hour, telling them the progress of my application in the University of the Philippines and how my life has been so far since I got kicked out. It was a good talk with the block guys and gals before I decided to pass by the AMP bench and see how the people there have been doing.
I had lunch with Brian, JP, and Ralph Aguinaldo (a different Ralph). Of course, I ordered my favorite Chicken Hainanese from Buddha Bean Cafe and sat down at the AMP bench with the AMP people. It was more or less a noise party and a happiness session, including a sexy time with JP as we always did, before I left and went to the registrar's office to comply with my agenda for the day.
Just when I was crossing the red brick road in front of the Rizal Library on my way to the SocSci building where the registrar's office is, I saw Vince carrying a load of books he just borrowed. Long time no see buddy! I asked him if he was free, and he was, so I hung out with him for almost an hour. I owed him too many stories that's why it took me that long to tell at least half of them - including the tale of Mike and Bianca.
Well of course I started out the conversation with the usual greetings, asking the latest happenings, good and bad shit, what life is so far, and so on and so forth. Eventually the conversation flowed into my goddamn story from the very beginning and Vince seemed to be taken away by the ups and downs of certain uncertainties I've encountered in my second semester at the Ateneo.
We had a name for it: BV.
I was able to get the two copies of the transcript of records I ordered after hanging out with Vince. I left Ateneo in a short while with Brian to go to UP and meet Chantal. I needed company to check on the processing of my application to the courses I've chosen. We went back to Katipunan in 30 minutes time and we ate at McDonald's.
As I was walking back to my table from the counter after having my second order, I saw Mikko on a table together with some of his friends. I dropped a hello and had a little talk with him about what's been going on with me lately.
When I was about to leave McDonald's I texted Mikko where he was and he said he'd be leaving more or less the time I'd be leaving the place.
The best part of the day is, I was able to hitch a ride to Marcos highway... Mikko's ride. It can't get any better than that.
Out of McDonald's I was and it was a rampant flow of stories out of my mouth. Mikko seemed to be enjoying my story as well but much better than Vince did. I told him everything I could, considering that Marcos highway isn't that far from Katipunan.
In the middle of the conversation, Mikko, while driving, suddenly slammed both of his hands into the steering wheel. Then, he looked at me with a serious face and then looked away again.
"Mike, damn, your whole story... It's just fucking beautiful."
We've been talking about first loves, but he kept his side in cover so I respected that because I knew he must be bearing some painful memory. It was only me telling my whole story then. And Mikko kept on stressing,
"Man, I didn't expect this. I still remember those days when we only had like two or three English classes and I was even doubting if you were serious with Bianca or not. Most times I saw you down dude, but still you're hanging on, and look at it now! You're on the way, Mike. The whole story's fucking beautiful."
Of all the words, he chose 'beautiful.' He could've opted to use 'awesome,' or even 'great,' or just 'cool,' but no. And when I looked at it, my story's a good one after all. It isn't all too cheesy or generic, nor out of the box or super special. It's simply beautiful. And It's what I've been thinking about for the past month. I mean, the whole second semester of my life was just epic and unforgettable.
But, what now?
I don't have any fucking idea.
Vince and Mikko in one single day - a coincidental rendezvous. It was something that was not part of the plan, but then, fate seemed to play on me.
Well it played on me from the very beginning.
I'll play along.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
I returned to Ateneo to acquire my delayed transcript of records. The registrar's office told me last Friday that I could get my transcript by the following Monday since they'd be editing an entry on the printed copy that wasn't supposed to be there. However, their promise didn't seem to be coming any real than Edward Cullen so I tried to follow up the whole shit.
I arrived at 11:30 and passed by the cafeteria. I saw some of my ex-block mates there and I hung out with them for an hour, telling them the progress of my application in the University of the Philippines and how my life has been so far since I got kicked out. It was a good talk with the block guys and gals before I decided to pass by the AMP bench and see how the people there have been doing.
I had lunch with Brian, JP, and Ralph Aguinaldo (a different Ralph). Of course, I ordered my favorite Chicken Hainanese from Buddha Bean Cafe and sat down at the AMP bench with the AMP people. It was more or less a noise party and a happiness session, including a sexy time with JP as we always did, before I left and went to the registrar's office to comply with my agenda for the day.
Just when I was crossing the red brick road in front of the Rizal Library on my way to the SocSci building where the registrar's office is, I saw Vince carrying a load of books he just borrowed. Long time no see buddy! I asked him if he was free, and he was, so I hung out with him for almost an hour. I owed him too many stories that's why it took me that long to tell at least half of them - including the tale of Mike and Bianca.
Well of course I started out the conversation with the usual greetings, asking the latest happenings, good and bad shit, what life is so far, and so on and so forth. Eventually the conversation flowed into my goddamn story from the very beginning and Vince seemed to be taken away by the ups and downs of certain uncertainties I've encountered in my second semester at the Ateneo.
We had a name for it: BV.
I was able to get the two copies of the transcript of records I ordered after hanging out with Vince. I left Ateneo in a short while with Brian to go to UP and meet Chantal. I needed company to check on the processing of my application to the courses I've chosen. We went back to Katipunan in 30 minutes time and we ate at McDonald's.
As I was walking back to my table from the counter after having my second order, I saw Mikko on a table together with some of his friends. I dropped a hello and had a little talk with him about what's been going on with me lately.
When I was about to leave McDonald's I texted Mikko where he was and he said he'd be leaving more or less the time I'd be leaving the place.
The best part of the day is, I was able to hitch a ride to Marcos highway... Mikko's ride. It can't get any better than that.
Out of McDonald's I was and it was a rampant flow of stories out of my mouth. Mikko seemed to be enjoying my story as well but much better than Vince did. I told him everything I could, considering that Marcos highway isn't that far from Katipunan.
In the middle of the conversation, Mikko, while driving, suddenly slammed both of his hands into the steering wheel. Then, he looked at me with a serious face and then looked away again.
"Mike, damn, your whole story... It's just fucking beautiful."
We've been talking about first loves, but he kept his side in cover so I respected that because I knew he must be bearing some painful memory. It was only me telling my whole story then. And Mikko kept on stressing,
"Man, I didn't expect this. I still remember those days when we only had like two or three English classes and I was even doubting if you were serious with Bianca or not. Most times I saw you down dude, but still you're hanging on, and look at it now! You're on the way, Mike. The whole story's fucking beautiful."
Of all the words, he chose 'beautiful.' He could've opted to use 'awesome,' or even 'great,' or just 'cool,' but no. And when I looked at it, my story's a good one after all. It isn't all too cheesy or generic, nor out of the box or super special. It's simply beautiful. And It's what I've been thinking about for the past month. I mean, the whole second semester of my life was just epic and unforgettable.
But, what now?
I don't have any fucking idea.
Vince and Mikko in one single day - a coincidental rendezvous. It was something that was not part of the plan, but then, fate seemed to play on me.
Well it played on me from the very beginning.
I'll play along.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Chapter 17: Chicken Hainanese
I had several Ateneo visits during the month of April because I kept on following up my transactions with the registrar's office and I have to say that their system is fail... Sort of. Good thing my Ateneo friends were always around whenever my situation ticks me off. I always had lunch with them at SOM Mall, a cafeteria a little walk from SEC walk where students could try out venturing into business by selling food.
Chicken Hainanese is a trip down memory lane.
I remembered the Friday of March 13, exactly a month after I gave Bianca her Valentine's package, when she invited me for lunch. I planned on bringing Kris and Jeimi along and we all ate out at the bleachers near SOM Mall. We reserved this specific spot under the shade of a tree where we can chill and hang out for lunch.
I met up with Jeimi first and then walked with her to Bellarmine Hall to meet up with Kris to wait for him to finish his history class. And then we were off to meet up with Bianca.
Of course I was always in the spirit of Christmas and so I asked Bianca to kindly sit down for a while so that I'd order 'my meal' (when in fact I was planning on ordering our meals). I lined up at the Buddha Bean Cafe and placed two orders of Chicken Hainanese Combo with Milk Tea. After 5 minutes of waiting in line I got our food and I sat down with her.
Chicken Hainanese is euphoria. Everytime I smell its invigorating aroma even if it's not around or not even close to my nose, I instantly get hungry. And when I get hungry I tend to think of Bianca.
"Seriously, I'm fat," she started when we were eating our Chicken Hainanese meals.
"Who told you?"
"Me."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am!"
"So, you're not believing me..."
"I believe you, but--"
"End of story."
That was why she did not finish up her meal. She told me she was getting too fat when she's not and that she was really really full with these,
Food log:
1/2 cup Rice
2 pcs. Fried Siomai
1 serving of Chicken Hainanese (approx. 200 g)
1 glass of Milk Tea
I was able to consume almost twice her 'maximum capacity' in 2 minutes that I could have another order down my stomach. Damn Chicken Hainanese, why does it have to be so tasty? Well, it's only enjoyable when you eat it with company - more enjoyable with Bianca of course. Not only did I enjoy smelling my goddamn favorite Buddha Bean Cafe value meal at the time, I also got to witness my one true love eat my most loved SOM Mall food. That's two loves for me.
And when I was watching her, I remembered the uncountable times we were together, or just the times where she was the spotlight of my attention..
There was our first English class for the second semester and as a tradition each of us has to introduce him or herself in front of the class and say something special or unique. My attention automatically focused on the petite girl who sat by the door whose name I didn't know yet.
"Good afternoon everyone! I'm Bianca and you can call me, uhm, Bianca hahaha, and I'm taking up Communications... Uhm, talents, hmmm... I sing... But only in the shower," she told the class with her killer GG smile. Why does it have to be so beautiful? I was mesmerized when Mrs. Oblepias suddenly cut in-
"You sing? Sample. Oh wait... You have to be naked when you do that. So I suppose you should sing only in the shower."
Everyone was laughing, but Bianca... She was paradise personified. Oh my fucking gahd she was really beautiful when she laughed that whenever the memory returns to me I could easily collapse any time.
I also remembered this one November rain. I was crossing the EDSA walk from Kostka hall because my history class just finished. I was hating the weather back then, but when I was about to turn towards the direction of Gonzaga hall I saw a familiar face walking up to me. It was Bianca. Well, she was looking away as I was approaching so I waved in a little 'hi' to spark a little chat. As far as I can remember, she was on a sleeveless and a skirt. Dropdead gorgeous if you ask me.
"Hey Bianca."
"Oh, hi Mike."
"Finished with the assigned readings for today's History graded recitation?"
"What!? No one told me there was a graded recitation!"
"Oh."
She raised her hardbound notebook and gently pushed me with it while laughing. I think she thought I was not serious. Well, I was. I just did not tell her I flunked my first fucking graded recitation for the semester. I bid her good luck though when we parted ways. It made my fucking day.
There's also a cute incident in my memory that so reminded me of her. It was our first Eastwood trip. Kris, Jeimi, and I were walking to her place, but when we were in front of her condominium already, she offered to walk us back. It sounded pointless so we asked why.
"I'm stronggg!" she responded with a soft laugh while flexing both her biceps. Fucking cute. Cute enough to melt my balls again and again, and again.
There's a much cute incident than that. It was February 27 and she was wearing the same attire she did on February 18 I think. It was an English class and each of us had to go up front and bring something that we're not, well, something that does not show our qualities and whatnot, and explain.
Bianca brought this bar of dark chocolate and explained she wasn't a dark chocolate simply because of her complexion. SORRYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm an Indio. At the end of her speech, she was already holding something supposedly she was and she said,
"I'm irresistible."
Holy virgins. Where in high heavens did that epic GG speech descended from?
It was March 20, Friday, and it was the last day of our English class for the whole semester. Shit. I'm going to miss the goddamn class, and I swear it was the most significant class I ever had. We were only tasked to drop by the classroom to submit our final requirement and check our class standings.
My final paper was all about Bianca. The final requirement was simply a storyboard about anything in your life, possibly a defining moment or something of the same banana. After I submitted mine, I waited for Bianca because she was just next in line. She had to leave immediately though to cram up for her Science orals. I remembered giving her ideas the night before so that she could construct more arguments for that orals.
5:30 pm when she passed by in front of the benches just outside the cafeteria. I was hanging out with Kris and Jeimi when we saw her and so we called her attention. She sat with us for not more than 5 minutes because her driver was already waiting at Xavier hall. I walked her there and we were both silent for some odd reason.
Actually, if I am to list down every event that both of us were in, it would require me to shit a load of a dump truck. It's a goddamn hell lot although I enjoy doing it mentally.
Doing it is much more enjoyable while having Chicken Hainanese with Milk Tea for lunch.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Chicken Hainanese is a trip down memory lane.
I remembered the Friday of March 13, exactly a month after I gave Bianca her Valentine's package, when she invited me for lunch. I planned on bringing Kris and Jeimi along and we all ate out at the bleachers near SOM Mall. We reserved this specific spot under the shade of a tree where we can chill and hang out for lunch.
I met up with Jeimi first and then walked with her to Bellarmine Hall to meet up with Kris to wait for him to finish his history class. And then we were off to meet up with Bianca.
Of course I was always in the spirit of Christmas and so I asked Bianca to kindly sit down for a while so that I'd order 'my meal' (when in fact I was planning on ordering our meals). I lined up at the Buddha Bean Cafe and placed two orders of Chicken Hainanese Combo with Milk Tea. After 5 minutes of waiting in line I got our food and I sat down with her.
Chicken Hainanese is euphoria. Everytime I smell its invigorating aroma even if it's not around or not even close to my nose, I instantly get hungry. And when I get hungry I tend to think of Bianca.
"Seriously, I'm fat," she started when we were eating our Chicken Hainanese meals.
"Who told you?"
"Me."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am!"
"So, you're not believing me..."
"I believe you, but--"
"End of story."
That was why she did not finish up her meal. She told me she was getting too fat when she's not and that she was really really full with these,
Food log:
1/2 cup Rice
2 pcs. Fried Siomai
1 serving of Chicken Hainanese (approx. 200 g)
1 glass of Milk Tea
I was able to consume almost twice her 'maximum capacity' in 2 minutes that I could have another order down my stomach. Damn Chicken Hainanese, why does it have to be so tasty? Well, it's only enjoyable when you eat it with company - more enjoyable with Bianca of course. Not only did I enjoy smelling my goddamn favorite Buddha Bean Cafe value meal at the time, I also got to witness my one true love eat my most loved SOM Mall food. That's two loves for me.
And when I was watching her, I remembered the uncountable times we were together, or just the times where she was the spotlight of my attention..
There was our first English class for the second semester and as a tradition each of us has to introduce him or herself in front of the class and say something special or unique. My attention automatically focused on the petite girl who sat by the door whose name I didn't know yet.
"Good afternoon everyone! I'm Bianca and you can call me, uhm, Bianca hahaha, and I'm taking up Communications... Uhm, talents, hmmm... I sing... But only in the shower," she told the class with her killer GG smile. Why does it have to be so beautiful? I was mesmerized when Mrs. Oblepias suddenly cut in-
"You sing? Sample. Oh wait... You have to be naked when you do that. So I suppose you should sing only in the shower."
Everyone was laughing, but Bianca... She was paradise personified. Oh my fucking gahd she was really beautiful when she laughed that whenever the memory returns to me I could easily collapse any time.
I also remembered this one November rain. I was crossing the EDSA walk from Kostka hall because my history class just finished. I was hating the weather back then, but when I was about to turn towards the direction of Gonzaga hall I saw a familiar face walking up to me. It was Bianca. Well, she was looking away as I was approaching so I waved in a little 'hi' to spark a little chat. As far as I can remember, she was on a sleeveless and a skirt. Dropdead gorgeous if you ask me.
"Hey Bianca."
"Oh, hi Mike."
"Finished with the assigned readings for today's History graded recitation?"
"What!? No one told me there was a graded recitation!"
"Oh."
She raised her hardbound notebook and gently pushed me with it while laughing. I think she thought I was not serious. Well, I was. I just did not tell her I flunked my first fucking graded recitation for the semester. I bid her good luck though when we parted ways. It made my fucking day.
There's also a cute incident in my memory that so reminded me of her. It was our first Eastwood trip. Kris, Jeimi, and I were walking to her place, but when we were in front of her condominium already, she offered to walk us back. It sounded pointless so we asked why.
"I'm stronggg!" she responded with a soft laugh while flexing both her biceps. Fucking cute. Cute enough to melt my balls again and again, and again.
There's a much cute incident than that. It was February 27 and she was wearing the same attire she did on February 18 I think. It was an English class and each of us had to go up front and bring something that we're not, well, something that does not show our qualities and whatnot, and explain.
Bianca brought this bar of dark chocolate and explained she wasn't a dark chocolate simply because of her complexion. SORRYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm an Indio. At the end of her speech, she was already holding something supposedly she was and she said,
"I'm irresistible."
Holy virgins. Where in high heavens did that epic GG speech descended from?
It was March 20, Friday, and it was the last day of our English class for the whole semester. Shit. I'm going to miss the goddamn class, and I swear it was the most significant class I ever had. We were only tasked to drop by the classroom to submit our final requirement and check our class standings.
My final paper was all about Bianca. The final requirement was simply a storyboard about anything in your life, possibly a defining moment or something of the same banana. After I submitted mine, I waited for Bianca because she was just next in line. She had to leave immediately though to cram up for her Science orals. I remembered giving her ideas the night before so that she could construct more arguments for that orals.
5:30 pm when she passed by in front of the benches just outside the cafeteria. I was hanging out with Kris and Jeimi when we saw her and so we called her attention. She sat with us for not more than 5 minutes because her driver was already waiting at Xavier hall. I walked her there and we were both silent for some odd reason.
Actually, if I am to list down every event that both of us were in, it would require me to shit a load of a dump truck. It's a goddamn hell lot although I enjoy doing it mentally.
Doing it is much more enjoyable while having Chicken Hainanese with Milk Tea for lunch.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Friday, April 17, 2009
Chapter 16: Labyrinth
I've been drinking until April 8. It was the holy week so I had to cut my happiness by Holy Wednesday. I haven't talked to Bianca since the Monday before and I was out of my balls and wits. That's when I realized I couldn't last any longer without her. But still, I stood my ground - arrogant I was, I wanted to see if she'd really talk to me first. I didn't know I was crucifying my fucking ass.
By the evening of the Maundy Thursday, 9th of April 2009, things were worse. It was Chantal's birthday that day and she was equally sad when I got to talk to her. She was emotional at that point in time so I felt like the whole world's fucking down. What next?
What next? - April 10, 2009. Friday. 11:02 pm.
I found myself in front of a Yahoo! Messenger chat window with a new message from Bianca Arcega. My status was 'DND' (Do Not Disturb, as you may all know) back then since I was writing this story in this blog site, but of course Bianca was an exception. The moment her message window popped up from my desktop screen,
"Busy on a holy week?" she asked.
Bloody heaven and hell that just purged my balls from sadness. OWEITJIOWJDGHIALVJSDJPSAJDNHFIHASLALDFAWFPLMCKBJJKDKSBI. I tried to be as composed as possible and it took me thirty painstaking seconds before I was able to reply.
"Uhh kinda." I didn't tell her I was writing this story. "The stat's DND by the way because I'm hiding from someone," I continued.
She asked me to update her. I gladly did as was evident from my Message Archive. We've been chatting, and sharing, and bonding, and fishing. Yes. Girls fish without them knowing it, you know.
"Have you heard of my best pick-up line?" I asked her.
"Try me."
"Actually I don't have one since you're not here by my side... You bring out the best in me," Fucking retarded and lame.
"Mine's better."
"Oh, go ahead."
"Do you know who the second most handsome guy is here on earth?"
"Who?"
"You... Do you know who the most handsome is?"
"Who?"
"You... When you smile."
I fucking smiled the moment I read the message. She got me there. That was fucking brilliant. She went on,
"You know, it's really better if you say it personally. You really see the person smile."
Ok so God drummed my balls and I was defeated in the battle of pick-up lines. We've delved on cheesier stuff as the talk went on though. I missed her company, really, that was why I took the opportunity and maximized every second of the Y!M conversation as I eagerly responded to every message of hers.
"I can imagine, you're red right now," she told me.
"Me? No. Maybe kilig... Kidding. Haha." Kilig is that sudden rush when one is immediately placed in a situation that's all too romantic or whatever of the same shit.
"Really? As in no tingy feeling?" she pressed on.
"Well, it happens when I pee... Specifically when I'm almost done."
":-| Too much info, Mike."
The conversation crossed over midnight as always. She opened a little about her previous crush, which definitely saddened her yet again, and I wasn't able to alter the course of the talk as soon as possible. So I just told her about my plans of shifting to the University of the Philippines to change the topic.
"If you're in UP already, you might forget us..." she told me.
"What!? Why?"
"For some reason. :))"
"Give me a specific reason."
"I don't know. Haha. Anything can happen."
"What could that 'anything' be?"
"New friends? New life? I don't know."
"New love?" I pitched in. "Nah, it won't happen. It'd always be you."
"Haha don't say that. :-P"
"Why?"
"Simply because anything can happen."
"I won't forget about you. You'll know why, soon. :->"
"What's behind that smug?"
"Surprise, surprise, expect one from the clown."
What she didn't know at that time was that this story I've been writing was the surprise. This would always remind me of her, and in turn, remind her of me. I moved the drama aside though since the following messages after those were pretty much comedic and entertaining. Eventually, we've been answering Facebook quizzes at the same time.
"Hey, I just answered this 'What kind of Atenean chick do you like?' Facebook quiz," I told her.
":))"
"Result: BIANCA... BIANCA ARCEGA."
"WEH! There's nothing of the like!" That was a cute of her.
My dear Facebook... If it wasn't for that social networking site I would not have gotten the chance to apply for Bianca Online Communications and take up the course BA Love. I assume you know what BA stands for by the way.
"OMG what's this!?" she messaged me after a short while.
"Why, what's up?"
"I answered this 'What kind of guys do you attract?' quiz and the result is: Creeper!"
The Facebook Quiz said something like this:
creepers=Girl! You are just too nice, and your helpfulness is misunderstood as being interested. He is usually an older, oily man who, at the first sign of attention from anyone, misconstrues it as love. Get them away by not being nice to whoever you meet! However, if you like them... then just stay on the course and they will keep coming to/after you.
"So I'm a creeper, huh?"
"HAHA!"
The conversation still went on until 1:40 am and that's when her DSL fucked up. It was the last time I talked to her over Yahoo! Messenger. Good Friday was over when I slept that morning. Welcome to the Black Saturday, Mike.
After the holy week, I've arranged my school shit. I did all of these on the Monday after Easter Sunday - I followed up my order for my transcript of records and transfer credentials (which I paid back just the Holy Monday) and I acquired an application form from UP with the aid of Chantal. The following days, I've been hanging around Ateneo since people were already having their summer classes and I wanted to see them around.
Bianca didn't have summer classes.
The Friday of that week, Chantal asked Rups to go to TechnoHub and eat at Flapjacks. Rups of course hired me for reasons only the two of us knew. And for 'success' purposes I dragged Kris along. I bribed him of the One-Peso Pancake offer/promo of Flapjacks.
It was 2 pm. The three of us came at Flapjacks first and we were already having our meals and bottomless iced teas. Chantal caught up in 30 minutes time and Rups was happy. Well I think Chantal was happier. I don't know.
That afternoon, I realized that I haven't talked to Bianca for a week. Well I'm conscious that I haven't been communicating with her lately because I wanted to - I wanted to distance myself from her and see what life would be if there was no Bianca - I survived, well in a poor state of survival though - and I haven't noticed that it was already a goddamn week's time. Shit.
So Chantal bought me a Sun Cellular sim card for me to be able to easily converge with Bianca's Sun Cellular line. It was 3 pm when I texted her,
"Hi Bianca. How much would the ransom be if I kidnap you? - Kidnapper."
She didn't reply. I texted her the same message, but still, there was no reply. I changed my mind and blowed up the cover of the anonymous cellphone number,
"Kidding! Mike here :D"
There was an immediate response, a seriously immediate text message, to my inbox.
"Crazy! Haha! There's no ransom if you kidnap me :-P"
JOPEGHEOFJEOHFIEOAWFLAPMLCEKHGFEILGHL.
That Friday evening I was drinking with a few high school classmates and Chantal at Richie's place. I think I've been calling Bianca every 30 minutes because I was fly and high. I couldn't remember well what we've been talking over the phone until 2 or 3 am in the morning, until I was on my way home, and eventually, home.
But I'm certain of one thing: I told her I love her.
Life was a labyrinth. I didn't know where my heart and my mind were going. I didn't know where my mortality was walking into, or where my soul was dwelling into. But still, there was no way out of my masterful, shitful situation.
No fucking way out... But Bianca.
Gotta love life's labyrinths.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
By the evening of the Maundy Thursday, 9th of April 2009, things were worse. It was Chantal's birthday that day and she was equally sad when I got to talk to her. She was emotional at that point in time so I felt like the whole world's fucking down. What next?
What next? - April 10, 2009. Friday. 11:02 pm.
I found myself in front of a Yahoo! Messenger chat window with a new message from Bianca Arcega. My status was 'DND' (Do Not Disturb, as you may all know) back then since I was writing this story in this blog site, but of course Bianca was an exception. The moment her message window popped up from my desktop screen,
"Busy on a holy week?" she asked.
Bloody heaven and hell that just purged my balls from sadness. OWEITJIOWJDGHIALVJSDJPSAJDNHFIHASLALDFAWFPLMCKBJJKDKSBI. I tried to be as composed as possible and it took me thirty painstaking seconds before I was able to reply.
"Uhh kinda." I didn't tell her I was writing this story. "The stat's DND by the way because I'm hiding from someone," I continued.
She asked me to update her. I gladly did as was evident from my Message Archive. We've been chatting, and sharing, and bonding, and fishing. Yes. Girls fish without them knowing it, you know.
"Have you heard of my best pick-up line?" I asked her.
"Try me."
"Actually I don't have one since you're not here by my side... You bring out the best in me," Fucking retarded and lame.
"Mine's better."
"Oh, go ahead."
"Do you know who the second most handsome guy is here on earth?"
"Who?"
"You... Do you know who the most handsome is?"
"Who?"
"You... When you smile."
I fucking smiled the moment I read the message. She got me there. That was fucking brilliant. She went on,
"You know, it's really better if you say it personally. You really see the person smile."
Ok so God drummed my balls and I was defeated in the battle of pick-up lines. We've delved on cheesier stuff as the talk went on though. I missed her company, really, that was why I took the opportunity and maximized every second of the Y!M conversation as I eagerly responded to every message of hers.
"I can imagine, you're red right now," she told me.
"Me? No. Maybe kilig... Kidding. Haha." Kilig is that sudden rush when one is immediately placed in a situation that's all too romantic or whatever of the same shit.
"Really? As in no tingy feeling?" she pressed on.
"Well, it happens when I pee... Specifically when I'm almost done."
":-| Too much info, Mike."
The conversation crossed over midnight as always. She opened a little about her previous crush, which definitely saddened her yet again, and I wasn't able to alter the course of the talk as soon as possible. So I just told her about my plans of shifting to the University of the Philippines to change the topic.
"If you're in UP already, you might forget us..." she told me.
"What!? Why?"
"For some reason. :))"
"Give me a specific reason."
"I don't know. Haha. Anything can happen."
"What could that 'anything' be?"
"New friends? New life? I don't know."
"New love?" I pitched in. "Nah, it won't happen. It'd always be you."
"Haha don't say that. :-P"
"Why?"
"Simply because anything can happen."
"I won't forget about you. You'll know why, soon. :->"
"What's behind that smug?"
"Surprise, surprise, expect one from the clown."
What she didn't know at that time was that this story I've been writing was the surprise. This would always remind me of her, and in turn, remind her of me. I moved the drama aside though since the following messages after those were pretty much comedic and entertaining. Eventually, we've been answering Facebook quizzes at the same time.
"Hey, I just answered this 'What kind of Atenean chick do you like?' Facebook quiz," I told her.
":))"
"Result: BIANCA... BIANCA ARCEGA."
"WEH! There's nothing of the like!" That was a cute of her.
My dear Facebook... If it wasn't for that social networking site I would not have gotten the chance to apply for Bianca Online Communications and take up the course BA Love. I assume you know what BA stands for by the way.
"OMG what's this!?" she messaged me after a short while.
"Why, what's up?"
"I answered this 'What kind of guys do you attract?' quiz and the result is: Creeper!"
The Facebook Quiz said something like this:
creepers=Girl! You are just too nice, and your helpfulness is misunderstood as being interested. He is usually an older, oily man who, at the first sign of attention from anyone, misconstrues it as love. Get them away by not being nice to whoever you meet! However, if you like them... then just stay on the course and they will keep coming to/after you.
"So I'm a creeper, huh?"
"HAHA!"
The conversation still went on until 1:40 am and that's when her DSL fucked up. It was the last time I talked to her over Yahoo! Messenger. Good Friday was over when I slept that morning. Welcome to the Black Saturday, Mike.
After the holy week, I've arranged my school shit. I did all of these on the Monday after Easter Sunday - I followed up my order for my transcript of records and transfer credentials (which I paid back just the Holy Monday) and I acquired an application form from UP with the aid of Chantal. The following days, I've been hanging around Ateneo since people were already having their summer classes and I wanted to see them around.
Bianca didn't have summer classes.
The Friday of that week, Chantal asked Rups to go to TechnoHub and eat at Flapjacks. Rups of course hired me for reasons only the two of us knew. And for 'success' purposes I dragged Kris along. I bribed him of the One-Peso Pancake offer/promo of Flapjacks.
It was 2 pm. The three of us came at Flapjacks first and we were already having our meals and bottomless iced teas. Chantal caught up in 30 minutes time and Rups was happy. Well I think Chantal was happier. I don't know.
That afternoon, I realized that I haven't talked to Bianca for a week. Well I'm conscious that I haven't been communicating with her lately because I wanted to - I wanted to distance myself from her and see what life would be if there was no Bianca - I survived, well in a poor state of survival though - and I haven't noticed that it was already a goddamn week's time. Shit.
So Chantal bought me a Sun Cellular sim card for me to be able to easily converge with Bianca's Sun Cellular line. It was 3 pm when I texted her,
"Hi Bianca. How much would the ransom be if I kidnap you? - Kidnapper."
She didn't reply. I texted her the same message, but still, there was no reply. I changed my mind and blowed up the cover of the anonymous cellphone number,
"Kidding! Mike here :D"
There was an immediate response, a seriously immediate text message, to my inbox.
"Crazy! Haha! There's no ransom if you kidnap me :-P"
JOPEGHEOFJEOHFIEOAWFLAPMLCEKHGFEILGHL.
That Friday evening I was drinking with a few high school classmates and Chantal at Richie's place. I think I've been calling Bianca every 30 minutes because I was fly and high. I couldn't remember well what we've been talking over the phone until 2 or 3 am in the morning, until I was on my way home, and eventually, home.
But I'm certain of one thing: I told her I love her.
Life was a labyrinth. I didn't know where my heart and my mind were going. I didn't know where my mortality was walking into, or where my soul was dwelling into. But still, there was no way out of my masterful, shitful situation.
No fucking way out... But Bianca.
Gotta love life's labyrinths.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Chapter 15: Mathematics 69 And 0
Wait, I almost flunked Algebra and I've flunked Calculus before. What do I know about Math then? I'm not a Math whiz to tell the truth. But I have a fair share of epiphanies that made me appreciate Mathematics all the more.
Anyway, I have done several calculations and taken numerous steps to prove if X raised to 69 existed, and it's driving me nuts. Seriously, Einstein nor Newton nor Leibnitz wouldn't do such a thing. An asshole I am though, I tried to see some aspects of life in a Mathematical perspective.
Ma69 is a Mathematics course that will never be taken in any university because it is inexistent, or in technical terms, oblique.
Why?
The number 69, when written with mortal hands, produce two imperfect digits that form a perfect number. How does that happen?
69 is the number of love. Don't get me wrong. 69 is the perfect number that would exemplify what love is. Each digit is a reciprocation of the other, just like man and woman. Each digit fills the emptiness of the other, or that each digit would satisfy what the other needs - a perfect compliment to one another which totally binds a partnership altogether, making the two digits inseparable, and thus called a 'number.'
A number is a relationship in itself. Each number has a certain value: the more it moves away from 0 in the number line towards infinity, the greater is its appraisal value - as best exemplified by money and property. This is how everything is quantified and valued. Love however is infinite in value and thus can never be measured and quantified by any means.
This is the focal point of doing the course Mathematics 69. It is the effort of trying to grasp certain subjects and ideas that could not be systematically explained in any manner nor perfectly organized and well-delivered in any speech - and in this particular case, love.
Mathematics 69 is stupidity. There are no materials needed in this course but your heart. There are no equations needed but a number, 69.
Love is oblique, indeterminate and undefined, but it exists - which all in all transgresses the ideals of Mathematics.
Ideals?
Love is more than those. Love is unpredictable even with the aid of mathematical computations, graphs and projections. Love has no pattern, no percentage, no numerator nor denominator, no common factor, no divisor, no dividend, and no formula. Love has no derivatives and anti-derivatives, it has no roots and squares, and has no functions.
It has a solution though.
There's just you and your partner. The rest is history. That's the solution - and yes, it is indefinite.
In short, love is Bianca.
You didn't see that coming, did you? That Bianca line was the first thought that entered my mind when I was about to start this chapter. I just had to develop it creatively. So you may ask,where did that fucking idea come from?
From my heart. Ok that was random.
Unfortunately, Math has no heart. It does not give you the understanding, rather, it would require you to max out your understanding to comprehend its fundamental and core knowledge. It is very much possible to grasp the beauty and meaning of Math but it takes great effort.
But Bianca?
Well, from a guy's point of view, women can never be understood. You'll just have to accept, appreciate, and love them. That's the end of it, else you'll get your curious nose right under the boots of trouble. Women are the hardest to understand on this earth and it takes great perseverance to last the ordeal. That's a perk of taking the course Mathematics 69.1 - understanding the digit 6 and the digit 9, or the other way around.
Unfortunately too, the realities of Mathematics 69 just don't apply if the number 69 isn't put into real life action. Think of it this way: the number 69 wouldn't be easy. It will never exist until a relationship is a two-way one. A one-way relationship is futile, or in simple terms, stupid, since it would not be love at all. And lastly, it would not really be a 69.
Unfortunately too for that matter, the ideal ugliness of the situation will not apply to me. I don't really care to whatever may happen. All I know is that I'm sure of what I am feeling and I am definitely going for it.
But, there's a harder Mathematics course than Mathematics 69. It is Mathematics 0. It is the Math of understanding one's self, which is completely impossible. The self can never be understood. That's a law and a truth, a reality.
Mathematics 0 is one big problem. There are three variables: your mortal body, your incapable thinking, and your temporal existence.
Basically, the problem gives you a piece of shit, which is you, from the three given variables. Now, the challenge in solving this hard-level problem is knowing how to make the given shit significant.
Solution:
1.) The mortal body is bound by time. It may be exterminated and extinguished in the course of,
2.) Its existence - which binds the edge of its mortality to the scythe of death, that is why,
3.) The weak thinking keeps on boggling itself what to do in the expanse of its history on this,
4.) Temporal salvation. This state requires human will to push through a nirvana in order to,
5.) Redeem itself and free itself from the bounds of mortality and reality.
Final answer:
'Shit.'
The given shit has no real value. However, that shit is given value by another. Each piece of shit is valuable after all.
Mathematics 0 is life. Life is one big hole. Fuck it. Nah, I'm just confused as of this time. I just didn't know what to do.
Enough of Math. What's with it?
I owe Math a big deal. When I flunked my Mathematics 19 (Calculus) during the second semester of my freshman year, I was really fucked up because I had to take the goddamn subject again for the first semester of my sophomore year. Through this, I had several of my core subjects and my individual program of study delayed.
And through this, I had my English 12 course delayed.
And through this, I met Bianca.
No fucking regrets for me. Math my ass. Even the greatest of Mathematicians won't be able to calculate the direction of my goddamn lucky fate.
Still, fuck Math. It does not have the solutions for everything.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Anyway, I have done several calculations and taken numerous steps to prove if X raised to 69 existed, and it's driving me nuts. Seriously, Einstein nor Newton nor Leibnitz wouldn't do such a thing. An asshole I am though, I tried to see some aspects of life in a Mathematical perspective.
Ma69 is a Mathematics course that will never be taken in any university because it is inexistent, or in technical terms, oblique.
Why?
The number 69, when written with mortal hands, produce two imperfect digits that form a perfect number. How does that happen?
69 is the number of love. Don't get me wrong. 69 is the perfect number that would exemplify what love is. Each digit is a reciprocation of the other, just like man and woman. Each digit fills the emptiness of the other, or that each digit would satisfy what the other needs - a perfect compliment to one another which totally binds a partnership altogether, making the two digits inseparable, and thus called a 'number.'
A number is a relationship in itself. Each number has a certain value: the more it moves away from 0 in the number line towards infinity, the greater is its appraisal value - as best exemplified by money and property. This is how everything is quantified and valued. Love however is infinite in value and thus can never be measured and quantified by any means.
This is the focal point of doing the course Mathematics 69. It is the effort of trying to grasp certain subjects and ideas that could not be systematically explained in any manner nor perfectly organized and well-delivered in any speech - and in this particular case, love.
Mathematics 69 is stupidity. There are no materials needed in this course but your heart. There are no equations needed but a number, 69.
Love is oblique, indeterminate and undefined, but it exists - which all in all transgresses the ideals of Mathematics.
Ideals?
Love is more than those. Love is unpredictable even with the aid of mathematical computations, graphs and projections. Love has no pattern, no percentage, no numerator nor denominator, no common factor, no divisor, no dividend, and no formula. Love has no derivatives and anti-derivatives, it has no roots and squares, and has no functions.
It has a solution though.
There's just you and your partner. The rest is history. That's the solution - and yes, it is indefinite.
In short, love is Bianca.
You didn't see that coming, did you? That Bianca line was the first thought that entered my mind when I was about to start this chapter. I just had to develop it creatively. So you may ask,where did that fucking idea come from?
From my heart. Ok that was random.
Unfortunately, Math has no heart. It does not give you the understanding, rather, it would require you to max out your understanding to comprehend its fundamental and core knowledge. It is very much possible to grasp the beauty and meaning of Math but it takes great effort.
But Bianca?
Well, from a guy's point of view, women can never be understood. You'll just have to accept, appreciate, and love them. That's the end of it, else you'll get your curious nose right under the boots of trouble. Women are the hardest to understand on this earth and it takes great perseverance to last the ordeal. That's a perk of taking the course Mathematics 69.1 - understanding the digit 6 and the digit 9, or the other way around.
Unfortunately too, the realities of Mathematics 69 just don't apply if the number 69 isn't put into real life action. Think of it this way: the number 69 wouldn't be easy. It will never exist until a relationship is a two-way one. A one-way relationship is futile, or in simple terms, stupid, since it would not be love at all. And lastly, it would not really be a 69.
Unfortunately too for that matter, the ideal ugliness of the situation will not apply to me. I don't really care to whatever may happen. All I know is that I'm sure of what I am feeling and I am definitely going for it.
But, there's a harder Mathematics course than Mathematics 69. It is Mathematics 0. It is the Math of understanding one's self, which is completely impossible. The self can never be understood. That's a law and a truth, a reality.
Mathematics 0 is one big problem. There are three variables: your mortal body, your incapable thinking, and your temporal existence.
Basically, the problem gives you a piece of shit, which is you, from the three given variables. Now, the challenge in solving this hard-level problem is knowing how to make the given shit significant.
Solution:
1.) The mortal body is bound by time. It may be exterminated and extinguished in the course of,
2.) Its existence - which binds the edge of its mortality to the scythe of death, that is why,
3.) The weak thinking keeps on boggling itself what to do in the expanse of its history on this,
4.) Temporal salvation. This state requires human will to push through a nirvana in order to,
5.) Redeem itself and free itself from the bounds of mortality and reality.
Final answer:
'Shit.'
The given shit has no real value. However, that shit is given value by another. Each piece of shit is valuable after all.
Mathematics 0 is life. Life is one big hole. Fuck it. Nah, I'm just confused as of this time. I just didn't know what to do.
Enough of Math. What's with it?
I owe Math a big deal. When I flunked my Mathematics 19 (Calculus) during the second semester of my freshman year, I was really fucked up because I had to take the goddamn subject again for the first semester of my sophomore year. Through this, I had several of my core subjects and my individual program of study delayed.
And through this, I had my English 12 course delayed.
And through this, I met Bianca.
No fucking regrets for me. Math my ass. Even the greatest of Mathematicians won't be able to calculate the direction of my goddamn lucky fate.
Still, fuck Math. It does not have the solutions for everything.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, April 13, 2009
Chapter 14: Accepted
If you don't entertain the pain, you circumcise yourself thrice. Your balls suffer. Seriously, that's shit.
Speaking of shit, sometimes you just have to eat your own. If you reject pieces of shit again and again, there will come a time that your septic tank called 'pride' would be overflowing with crap. That's when you'd need to immerse yourself and eat the shit. This though doesn't necessarily mean that you need to constantly eat shit, rather, knowing where to dump shit. And it's not going to be your pride that'd help you dispose shit. And oh, don't forget about your own shit too. You'd be fucking your own fate if you shit on your septic tank more often, which would eventually make you a septic tank worth shitting on.
Learn to accept or you'd be another piece of shit.
Dump yourself first or others might do it for you before you even lift your finger.
I've learned to accept my fate lately; there are others out there that are much worse. So, acceptance huh? What's this all about?
Dictionary.com comes in handy during these times of crisis.
AC-CEPT-ANCE
–noun
1.) Fate has dismissed me from Ateneo.
2.) I approved of it already.
3.) I started to believe in tragedy.
4.) Fate has accepted me this way.
I am my fate.
But the big question still remained: Why would I want to forget about everything? And Bianca? Why, all this time, would I want to fucking shit on my ass?
The big answer was the same question. 'Why.'
I've accepted that I am 'honorably' dismissed from my university and I've accepted that I'm one big disappointment to my parents, considering that I was the first Atenean from the family. I've accepted that I've failed in school and that the inevitable truth of my QPI (Quality Point Index - the grading system of the Ateneo) did not meet the requirements of a probationary student.
I've accepted that both my grandfathers already left this mortal world, and my main reason of taking up a Chemistry-related course in order to invent some goddamn shit of a medicine to cure cancers is now in vain. I've seen myself from my clan's point of view - perhaps a useless guy now.
I've accepted too that my parents sort of loathed me (well that's what I felt at the time) and I've accepted that I'm going to lose all my friends in school - from simple acquaintances, to block mates and classmates, from AMP people, from my band, from my group... But still.
Have I accepted the reality already? I haven't even accepted myself, yet. You see, that's how unclear my mind was.
Alcohol straighten things out. I swear. That's what I've been doing after I submitted my last semester requirement - the History paper regarding my museum visit at Ayala with Ian and Bianca. That was when my semester was officially over, and then, my throat was a stream of alcohol all the way.
I remember it was the 6th of April at a resto bar somewhere in Ortigas near an Autostore when I was drinking with my dad. We've been checking several rides the whole day and he's planning on changing his car to something definitely faster and we've been discussing it all day long. So to end our whole day trip, we had a drink.
5:34 pm when I received Bianca's last text message for the day saying,
"If you're a good boy, you don't need to be told what to do," she calmly said. Well, I always needed her for me to be able to cut down my alcohol intake because I act like a fucking baby that asks for discipline. Haha.
Anyway, Dad and I took a table in the middle of the place. There were only three or four guys hanging around so the resto bar was a little silent. There were dimmers that lit the place and the ceiling fans were rotating slowly as if they're taking part of a whole day's exhaustion. The view from our table was great - it was overlooking all of Valle Verde - like a sense of tranquility and solitude from modernity. We've been talking about cars and engines while gazing at the distance that felt so far from urban life. Eventually, the flow of the talk shifted towards my relationship with Bianca, not as a boyfriend of course, but just a good friend.
"So, what's the plan, son?" he asked me when we were halfway our drinking session.
"I dunno," I placed my bottle down on the table and had both of my hands behind my head while slouching on my seat.
"What's with the answer?"
"I'm confused, dad. Should I continue or what? I'm driven to screws and bolts and nuts. My mind's goddamn twisted from thinking of her. As stupid as it sounds I assure you that this time it's fucking real," I slowly replied after taking my cap off and pitching it in to the table.
"Drink more, then talk."
I did, then I continued.
"Well, dad, she's the first girl I ever loved. I didn't believe at first that such a phony thing could exist. But then, it was just right in front of me, from nowhere... I couldn't believe it myself. Love is fucking real, dad."
"Do you love her?" he straightforwardly asked. His tone changed and he placed down his bottle of Red Horse on the table. He looked me straight in the eye and I knew he was serious.
"Well, yeah... but--"
"Yes or no?" he interrupted without any hesitation.
"Yes!" I quickly replied.
"So what are you shitting about? You know, Mike, once you find a girl you'll love and you're sure that you love her, go for it. Because once you turn your back on her, poof... There goes your dream. You'll never be able to find someone like her again. And if ever you'll do such stupidity, backing out or something of the similar shit, a '&#$%&@#' is already waiting for you." he said before taking another sip from his bottle.
Now that's what I call motivation.
When we finished our drinks, we went home. Dad drove to the limits of his car and it was goddamn fast - faster when you have alcohol in your blood - fastest when your senses fail but instinct.
Instinct.
I've finally accepted what I've been feeling deep inside me. Well, maybe not exactly accept but more of comprehend. Acceptance is a hard word, and it needs comprehension first before it's put into action.
When I told Bianca before that I love her, I was 100% sure; this time though, it's 500.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Speaking of shit, sometimes you just have to eat your own. If you reject pieces of shit again and again, there will come a time that your septic tank called 'pride' would be overflowing with crap. That's when you'd need to immerse yourself and eat the shit. This though doesn't necessarily mean that you need to constantly eat shit, rather, knowing where to dump shit. And it's not going to be your pride that'd help you dispose shit. And oh, don't forget about your own shit too. You'd be fucking your own fate if you shit on your septic tank more often, which would eventually make you a septic tank worth shitting on.
Learn to accept or you'd be another piece of shit.
Dump yourself first or others might do it for you before you even lift your finger.
I've learned to accept my fate lately; there are others out there that are much worse. So, acceptance huh? What's this all about?
Dictionary.com comes in handy during these times of crisis.
AC-CEPT-ANCE
–noun
| 1. | the act of taking or receiving something offered. |
| 2. | favorable reception; approval; favor. |
| 3. | the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory. |
| 4. | the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable |
1.) Fate has dismissed me from Ateneo.
2.) I approved of it already.
3.) I started to believe in tragedy.
4.) Fate has accepted me this way.
I am my fate.
But the big question still remained: Why would I want to forget about everything? And Bianca? Why, all this time, would I want to fucking shit on my ass?
The big answer was the same question. 'Why.'
I've accepted that I am 'honorably' dismissed from my university and I've accepted that I'm one big disappointment to my parents, considering that I was the first Atenean from the family. I've accepted that I've failed in school and that the inevitable truth of my QPI (Quality Point Index - the grading system of the Ateneo) did not meet the requirements of a probationary student.
I've accepted that both my grandfathers already left this mortal world, and my main reason of taking up a Chemistry-related course in order to invent some goddamn shit of a medicine to cure cancers is now in vain. I've seen myself from my clan's point of view - perhaps a useless guy now.
I've accepted too that my parents sort of loathed me (well that's what I felt at the time) and I've accepted that I'm going to lose all my friends in school - from simple acquaintances, to block mates and classmates, from AMP people, from my band, from my group... But still.
Have I accepted the reality already? I haven't even accepted myself, yet. You see, that's how unclear my mind was.
Alcohol straighten things out. I swear. That's what I've been doing after I submitted my last semester requirement - the History paper regarding my museum visit at Ayala with Ian and Bianca. That was when my semester was officially over, and then, my throat was a stream of alcohol all the way.
I remember it was the 6th of April at a resto bar somewhere in Ortigas near an Autostore when I was drinking with my dad. We've been checking several rides the whole day and he's planning on changing his car to something definitely faster and we've been discussing it all day long. So to end our whole day trip, we had a drink.
5:34 pm when I received Bianca's last text message for the day saying,
"If you're a good boy, you don't need to be told what to do," she calmly said. Well, I always needed her for me to be able to cut down my alcohol intake because I act like a fucking baby that asks for discipline. Haha.
Anyway, Dad and I took a table in the middle of the place. There were only three or four guys hanging around so the resto bar was a little silent. There were dimmers that lit the place and the ceiling fans were rotating slowly as if they're taking part of a whole day's exhaustion. The view from our table was great - it was overlooking all of Valle Verde - like a sense of tranquility and solitude from modernity. We've been talking about cars and engines while gazing at the distance that felt so far from urban life. Eventually, the flow of the talk shifted towards my relationship with Bianca, not as a boyfriend of course, but just a good friend.
"So, what's the plan, son?" he asked me when we were halfway our drinking session.
"I dunno," I placed my bottle down on the table and had both of my hands behind my head while slouching on my seat.
"What's with the answer?"
"I'm confused, dad. Should I continue or what? I'm driven to screws and bolts and nuts. My mind's goddamn twisted from thinking of her. As stupid as it sounds I assure you that this time it's fucking real," I slowly replied after taking my cap off and pitching it in to the table.
"Drink more, then talk."
I did, then I continued.
"Well, dad, she's the first girl I ever loved. I didn't believe at first that such a phony thing could exist. But then, it was just right in front of me, from nowhere... I couldn't believe it myself. Love is fucking real, dad."
"Do you love her?" he straightforwardly asked. His tone changed and he placed down his bottle of Red Horse on the table. He looked me straight in the eye and I knew he was serious.
"Well, yeah... but--"
"Yes or no?" he interrupted without any hesitation.
"Yes!" I quickly replied.
"So what are you shitting about? You know, Mike, once you find a girl you'll love and you're sure that you love her, go for it. Because once you turn your back on her, poof... There goes your dream. You'll never be able to find someone like her again. And if ever you'll do such stupidity, backing out or something of the similar shit, a '&#$%&@#' is already waiting for you." he said before taking another sip from his bottle.
Now that's what I call motivation.
When we finished our drinks, we went home. Dad drove to the limits of his car and it was goddamn fast - faster when you have alcohol in your blood - fastest when your senses fail but instinct.
Instinct.
I've finally accepted what I've been feeling deep inside me. Well, maybe not exactly accept but more of comprehend. Acceptance is a hard word, and it needs comprehension first before it's put into action.
When I told Bianca before that I love her, I was 100% sure; this time though, it's 500.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Chapter 13: Rejected
Rejections are common realities of life.
March 26, Thursday, the day after a 13-hour adventure with Bianca, I started reviewing for my Theology final exam. It was 12:00 am flat when I opened my notebook and browsed my handouts to run through all my lessons. 13 hours after that, I was finished with my last exam for the semester and I was already sitting down at the cafeteria with Kris and Jeimi.
Later that day, Rups got to hangout with us and Chantal-Denise came over all the way from UP. The whole group sat in at Jeimi's final semester requirement which was a group reporting somewhere in Gonzaga hall. After her group's report, Rups, Chantal and I sneaked out to hang around SEC walk and the cafeteria. Jeimi couldn't leave the class until every group was done presenting, and of course Kris had to be with her so we left the two of them.
We assembled again at the cafeteria at around 5:00 pm and that's when we saw Bianca sitting on another table not far from us. She was with her block mates at the time and she was having fun with them so I did not go over and attempted to star my ass out. Instead, I texted her to look at our direction and wave a hello or something so that we too could say a hi. A sweet girl she was, just after receiving the text message she dropped by our table and said hello to everyone. She quickly left though to go back to her block's table.
I saw Andz walking by and I called him. The two of us sat on another table and I told him every inch of my second semester life in a concise manner since I haven't been with the block guys lately. I also shared my problems with him because I felt like spilling everything within me to a good friend. It was a short yet fruitful and 20-minute quality talk.
"Fight back," he said before he bid farewell. That brought me to my senses since I've been screwing up my ass with my self-inflicted depression.
In a little while Rups and Chantal left for McDonald's to meet up with Danya, another friend. That was a walk to remember for the two. Also, Kris walked Jeimi before she was fetched by her family. Jeimi had to go back to their house in Cavite and she'd be returning by June 2009. She does not have summer classes which left Kris devastated. I knew he'd long for her. So it was only me left on our table. I checked to see if Bianca was still at the cafeteria but she was gone. Kris returned though after bidding farewell to Jeimi.
It was 5:30 pm when Kris and I left the cafeteria. We wanted to go to McDonald's to catch up with the others. But just as we were walking at EDSA walk, I chanced to scan the Zen Garden since we were walking slow as hell. Voila, there was Bianca seated on a bleacher together with her block mates. Her back was on us so we didn't bother to say hello again. That was the last time I saw Bianca for the semester and the last time I've seen her so far.
We went to McDonald's Katipunan afterwards and met Rups, Chantal and Danya although only Danya remained to hang out with us until 6:30. Danya would be meeting her friends in a short while. Eventually Kris and I had to go home. I thanked him yet again because he brought me to my place; we were feeling down at the time and he wanted to have company before he went home that's why he offered me a free ride.
Friday, the following day, I dropped by Ian's place because I'd be going to school and he wanted me to submit my History paper (about the museum visit) together with his paper since he had to review for an exam the next day. After submission, I went to McDonald's to meet up with Chantal and Richie, a high school classmate, and we waited for company before proceeding to have a drink at Coastnet. I had to leave early though because it was the last day of my grandfather's wake who passed last March 21.
March 28 and my grandfather was brought to his resting place.
BV: Bad vibes. Why? Everything would be the best answer.
Later that evening I was online and chatting with Bianca. We were talking about her photoshoot the Tuesday before about the Seven Capital Sins. She was asking me if her poses were effective or something, especially the 'lust' part. It was an epic picture by the way. Ask her if you want a copy.
"You've conveyed the message just right," I told her.
Midnight of March 29, 2009 we were still talking with the aid of my buddy, Yahoo! Messenger,
"Mike, promise me you won't be doing what you told me a while ago," she suddenly blurted from out of the blue.
"What was that?" I think I was drinking the time I told her the goddamn thing.
"That you'll be messing up..."
"I'm a mess. So I'd rather have you forget about me and not worry about things that concern me."
"Do you think I'm that kind of person? Someone who can forget?"
"Certainly no, but thinking of me would simply be a waste of time."
"You're breaking our deal. You're looking down at yourself again," I remembered I signed this pact before that I won't be doing such a thing, looking down on myself and the like.
"Hmmm, let me rephrase it then."
"Oh no you're not."
"It's not quite right that you give some of your time to me. There are more important things in your world."
"It's still the same thing."
"But it's true."
"Well, it's still the same so no matter how hard you try to rephrase it... you lose. :-P"
Oh well. She was really sweet, but then, I changed the topic to alter the course of the talk.
March 31, 2009. Tuesday. Me and my ass and balls and everything else were GG-fied.
"Sorry, Mike. :-) As much as you'd want me to forget you, you're part of my life now, all my friends are. :-) And as long as I'm here you're pretty much stuck with me. You won't be able to stop me from trying to help you get back on track again. :-P"
Whu-what was that? My balls dropped and I couldn't find them on the floor. She sent me that text message because I think I was drunk when I told her that she must forget me. That was something that pulled me out of my drunken state. I've been drinking a hell lot, yes.
Damn drama. I just wanted her to chill because she seemed stressed out the last time I saw her and she got drunk that goddamn night. I told Ian about this though.
"Just see how it plays out, right?" he told me.
"So how do I do that?"
"Just go with the flow."
So you may wonder what the hell's wrong with me. I don't even know it myself.
It was 1:00 am of April 3, 2009 when I logged in to AISIS Online. It was supposed to be available at around 12:00 am but then the site underwent maintenance and everyone was requested to log in an hour after. Really anxious, I had no choice but to wait.
After seeing my grade, I knew I was screwed. I texted Bianca at 1:11 am and told her I'm going to be kicked out. I think I woke her up though. She immediately replied,
"How'd you know?"
"AISIS."
She was online in 2 minutes time and was already talking to me over Y!M but I changed the topic (as I always do) from my failure to something more enjoyable to talk about. I didn't want her to see that I was down but I thanked her for the concern.
A sweet farewell I give to Ateneo de Manila University,
A sweet chapter of my existence and mortality,
A sweet memory of the fairest lady,
A sweet truth which I have yet to see...
Bianca... Oh, April 4 was her birthday by the way. Happy Birthday!
As much as I'd like to forget about everything, I just couldn't. She was irresistible. And I've already stuck that to mind.
I've always kept on rejecting myself. I'm a reject - making rejections common, making rejections more than a possibility but a truth and a reality.
I'm a metalhead but I admit that that sounds fucking emo.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
March 26, Thursday, the day after a 13-hour adventure with Bianca, I started reviewing for my Theology final exam. It was 12:00 am flat when I opened my notebook and browsed my handouts to run through all my lessons. 13 hours after that, I was finished with my last exam for the semester and I was already sitting down at the cafeteria with Kris and Jeimi.
Later that day, Rups got to hangout with us and Chantal-Denise came over all the way from UP. The whole group sat in at Jeimi's final semester requirement which was a group reporting somewhere in Gonzaga hall. After her group's report, Rups, Chantal and I sneaked out to hang around SEC walk and the cafeteria. Jeimi couldn't leave the class until every group was done presenting, and of course Kris had to be with her so we left the two of them.
We assembled again at the cafeteria at around 5:00 pm and that's when we saw Bianca sitting on another table not far from us. She was with her block mates at the time and she was having fun with them so I did not go over and attempted to star my ass out. Instead, I texted her to look at our direction and wave a hello or something so that we too could say a hi. A sweet girl she was, just after receiving the text message she dropped by our table and said hello to everyone. She quickly left though to go back to her block's table.
I saw Andz walking by and I called him. The two of us sat on another table and I told him every inch of my second semester life in a concise manner since I haven't been with the block guys lately. I also shared my problems with him because I felt like spilling everything within me to a good friend. It was a short yet fruitful and 20-minute quality talk.
"Fight back," he said before he bid farewell. That brought me to my senses since I've been screwing up my ass with my self-inflicted depression.
In a little while Rups and Chantal left for McDonald's to meet up with Danya, another friend. That was a walk to remember for the two. Also, Kris walked Jeimi before she was fetched by her family. Jeimi had to go back to their house in Cavite and she'd be returning by June 2009. She does not have summer classes which left Kris devastated. I knew he'd long for her. So it was only me left on our table. I checked to see if Bianca was still at the cafeteria but she was gone. Kris returned though after bidding farewell to Jeimi.
It was 5:30 pm when Kris and I left the cafeteria. We wanted to go to McDonald's to catch up with the others. But just as we were walking at EDSA walk, I chanced to scan the Zen Garden since we were walking slow as hell. Voila, there was Bianca seated on a bleacher together with her block mates. Her back was on us so we didn't bother to say hello again. That was the last time I saw Bianca for the semester and the last time I've seen her so far.
We went to McDonald's Katipunan afterwards and met Rups, Chantal and Danya although only Danya remained to hang out with us until 6:30. Danya would be meeting her friends in a short while. Eventually Kris and I had to go home. I thanked him yet again because he brought me to my place; we were feeling down at the time and he wanted to have company before he went home that's why he offered me a free ride.
Friday, the following day, I dropped by Ian's place because I'd be going to school and he wanted me to submit my History paper (about the museum visit) together with his paper since he had to review for an exam the next day. After submission, I went to McDonald's to meet up with Chantal and Richie, a high school classmate, and we waited for company before proceeding to have a drink at Coastnet. I had to leave early though because it was the last day of my grandfather's wake who passed last March 21.
March 28 and my grandfather was brought to his resting place.
BV: Bad vibes. Why? Everything would be the best answer.
Later that evening I was online and chatting with Bianca. We were talking about her photoshoot the Tuesday before about the Seven Capital Sins. She was asking me if her poses were effective or something, especially the 'lust' part. It was an epic picture by the way. Ask her if you want a copy.
"You've conveyed the message just right," I told her.
Midnight of March 29, 2009 we were still talking with the aid of my buddy, Yahoo! Messenger,
"Mike, promise me you won't be doing what you told me a while ago," she suddenly blurted from out of the blue.
"What was that?" I think I was drinking the time I told her the goddamn thing.
"That you'll be messing up..."
"I'm a mess. So I'd rather have you forget about me and not worry about things that concern me."
"Do you think I'm that kind of person? Someone who can forget?"
"Certainly no, but thinking of me would simply be a waste of time."
"You're breaking our deal. You're looking down at yourself again," I remembered I signed this pact before that I won't be doing such a thing, looking down on myself and the like.
"Hmmm, let me rephrase it then."
"Oh no you're not."
"It's not quite right that you give some of your time to me. There are more important things in your world."
"It's still the same thing."
"But it's true."
"Well, it's still the same so no matter how hard you try to rephrase it... you lose. :-P"
Oh well. She was really sweet, but then, I changed the topic to alter the course of the talk.
March 31, 2009. Tuesday. Me and my ass and balls and everything else were GG-fied.
"Sorry, Mike. :-) As much as you'd want me to forget you, you're part of my life now, all my friends are. :-) And as long as I'm here you're pretty much stuck with me. You won't be able to stop me from trying to help you get back on track again. :-P"
Whu-what was that? My balls dropped and I couldn't find them on the floor. She sent me that text message because I think I was drunk when I told her that she must forget me. That was something that pulled me out of my drunken state. I've been drinking a hell lot, yes.
Damn drama. I just wanted her to chill because she seemed stressed out the last time I saw her and she got drunk that goddamn night. I told Ian about this though.
"Just see how it plays out, right?" he told me.
"So how do I do that?"
"Just go with the flow."
So you may wonder what the hell's wrong with me. I don't even know it myself.
It was 1:00 am of April 3, 2009 when I logged in to AISIS Online. It was supposed to be available at around 12:00 am but then the site underwent maintenance and everyone was requested to log in an hour after. Really anxious, I had no choice but to wait.
After seeing my grade, I knew I was screwed. I texted Bianca at 1:11 am and told her I'm going to be kicked out. I think I woke her up though. She immediately replied,
"How'd you know?"
"AISIS."
She was online in 2 minutes time and was already talking to me over Y!M but I changed the topic (as I always do) from my failure to something more enjoyable to talk about. I didn't want her to see that I was down but I thanked her for the concern.
A sweet farewell I give to Ateneo de Manila University,
A sweet chapter of my existence and mortality,
A sweet memory of the fairest lady,
A sweet truth which I have yet to see...
Bianca... Oh, April 4 was her birthday by the way. Happy Birthday!
As much as I'd like to forget about everything, I just couldn't. She was irresistible. And I've already stuck that to mind.
I've always kept on rejecting myself. I'm a reject - making rejections common, making rejections more than a possibility but a truth and a reality.
I'm a metalhead but I admit that that sounds fucking emo.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Chapter 12: Moment Of Truth
March 25, 2009.
It was 8:20 am when my dad dropped me at Ian's place. The time I got to the gate, I saw Ian's mom driving the car out of the garage. I greeted her a good morning when I peeked through the car's window. Ian then went out of their front door, closed the gate, and ushered me to their car. We were to go to Eastwood at that time.
Eastwood...? Early morning? Why?
We were supposed to go to the Ayala Museum that morning as a final enrichment activity for our Asian History... with Bianca. Oh-ho, there goes the twist. We were to pick her up. That was why we were at Eastwood; supposedly, Ian's mom would drop us there and it's up to us on how we would get our asses off to Ayala.
It was kind of easy because there were available cabs anywhere and we're just to call out one. It was around 9:00 am when Bianca, as beautiful as ever, descended from her kingdom-slash-condominium and met Ian and me at the entrance. Her smile was just pulverizing - pulverizing in a way that you'd be 1-2-knocked out.
A minute and we were already in a cab. Ian sat at the front seat beside the driver. Bianca and I took the back seats (Thank you Ian for a wonderful cooperative game play. You are a good friend!). That was when Bianca told us that she didn't tell anyone but her grandma that we were kidnapping her out of Eastwood, which seriously scared me off my skin. She was all too precious that deserved the best of care, and she was on me and Ian's very hands to watch for.
In a short while Bianca and I were already seated on one side of the back seat because she moved towards me. Jesus Christ, what was that? I learned she does not want herself for a sun beam and so she had to put all our things on her side of the seat so that she could move closer to me. I kept entertaining her all the way to the museum in exchange for my freaking paradisaical happiness. You know what I mean... being side to side with the girl you admired the most with all your life and balls - and you can do what you want - you get the idea.
The museum was a grand epic experience primarily because I was beside Bianca almost all the time. I paid more attention to her than any other historical display on all four floors of the Ayala Museum; seeing her delighted was more than enough and would certainly be a lot greater than an A+ History paper. Besides, she is a museum of beauty that I'd be willing to explore all year round. We went around the Ayala museum in a planned route though, thanks to Ian who was familiar with the place. As for me, my mind went in circles, bedazzled by Bianca's stunning beauty.
I think she hit her forehead once because she was amazed by a certain diorama that she didn't notice the glass covering it, semi-hurting herself in the process. That was cute. She held her forehead with both hands and approached me with a sad face. I think that was the first time I hugged her, and the first time I held her head with both of my hands and almost kissed her on the forehead. Well, a good guy I was, I resisted the temptation. Can't believe how good I am.
It was a battle of indecisive minds before we had lunch at PiaDina at Greenbelt. It took us ages to choose where to eat and I had a severe headache that started like 2 hours before which took out my appetite because I lacked sleep the night before. My vision was literally a vortex tunnel that I lost my noise level and hyperactivity as well. I was trying my best to put on a fine facial expression but I couldn't even hook the pasta with my fork. I realized then that I was dehydrated which explains why I was a little fine after I had water down my throat. Damn fucking metabolism.
Another cause of my dizziness would probably be Bianca's beauty overload, but if that's the case, I'd rather be dizzy all my life.
We left Ian and a friend at Greenbelt because apparently Bianca and I had to go back to Eastwood to meet Kris and Jeimi just to hang out for the rest of the day. We crossed a street where Bianca grabbed my arm because she was scared in crossing roads but I brought her safely to the other side. Who's the hero? Me. We then took a cab and history repeated itself. We were on one side of the seat again and I was quite happy of course. It was a bonding moment for the both of us throughout the trip and these were the times that I get to truly know her.
2:30 pm and we were at Eastwood; I had Bianca wait for me outside a restroom because I had to pee. I thought I lost her though 'cause she was nowhere in sight when I stepped out. But when I texted her, she just came out of nowhere. We had a good laugh for some odd reason.
We were off to DQ yet again just like before and we were supposed to meet Kris and Jeimi there. I wanted to treat Bianca something sweet too that's why I chose the place. When the whole bunch assembled we hung around for half an hour before going to the cinemas to see what time would 'Watchmen,' the movie we wanted to see that day, start since we knew we were off the playing time schedule. Anyway, the movie was only available at Ultra 7 (the cinema at the new mall) and it would start at around 5:30 pm. It was only 4:00 back then so we just headed to National Bookstore to help Kris find a gift for his dad who had his birthday the day before.
We went to the parking area because Kris wanted to get a jacket for Jeimi which was placed in his car and that I'd be depositing my bag at the same time so that I'd be having no load to bug me around. We went to Ultra 7 afterwards and bought tickets. It was 5:00 pm and we descended a floor below to sit on a couch and put our asses to rest for a while since we've been walking the whole day.
That was another epic moment since I had the balls to lean on Bianca and steal her wallet and her ID again and again. It was a fail attempt though because she wasn't so happy about it, especially when I was looking at her high school baby face picture. Fail means fail, really. Well in fact I've been leaning on her all day long because I felt like being an asshole (Hi Bianca, if you ever noticed that, just so you know). And oh, her perfume, whatever it was, I loved it. Or is it just my imagination? No epic win although I've been leaning on her.
Oh wait there's one! I grabbed her phone. What's the epic win then? She held my closed fist with both of her hands in the struggle of having her phone back. The moment I realized she was holding my hand I was stunned and I didn't know I was already letting go of her phone and dropping it to her lap. Her hands... MADE OF WIN!
We went back up to Ultra 7 at 5:30 pm and immediately took our seats after a restroom break. Soon there were people flying around asking what flavor everyone wanted for popcorns and what drinks everyone wanted to have.
"Is this included in the 700 bucks you paid?" Bianca asked me.
"Yes," I responded as soon as she finished her question.
A lady approached us and I had my order patterned after Bianca's, which was cheese for popcorn and a root beer in can. The seats were awesome too. They were all in pairs and seemed as if you're in bed. So in the far right there was Kris and Jeimi having their moment, and in the middle there was Bianca and me. Bed sensation = for the win. Kidding. I'm a shy person, you know. Don't get the wrong idea. Nothing happened.
"You sure these are all free?" she asked me again when we were having our snacks and seeing that Kris and Jeimi had none.
"Nope they're not. You're going to pay for them," I cooly lied.
"WHAT!?" she exclaimed in shock, but she later learned that they were all included in the payment.
Half of the time I was watching Bianca. She kept on asking me about the details of the movie of which 99% I couldn't answer. I was still confounded by how God bestowed her such overkilling beauty. The movie was good though but it is quite evident that I'd rather watch Bianca.
Just like good old times, we had dinner at Yellow Cab. Unfortunately, it rained when we were watching the movie. So that explains why it was freezing at Ultra 7, considering too that Bianca was having a hard time dealing with the temperature and that I was using my cap as a fan to 'comfort' her and give her some heat. Screwed. Anyway, I wanted to have dinner at the balcony but it was wet so we all opted to take the seats inside at the second floor by the farthest corner table of the room. Kris and Jeimi sat together of course and I was sitting beside Bianca. Kris and I were on the wall; to his left was Jeimi and to my right was my beloved.
This time too, I chose the pizza - Hawaiian 14". I couldn't remember the exact time when we were eating because I lost track of everything since I have been planning something hideous. When Bianca went downstairs to get the condiments she wanted, I told Plans A and B to Kris and Jeimi.
We finished dinner in 15 minutes and when I was already prepared to execute my masterful killer GG plans, I kindly sent Kris 'the sign.'
"Uhm Bianca, I'd be buying something and I'll have Jeimi along. We'll return as soon as we're finished..." Kris said to assist me on my Plan A.
"Uhhh, okaaay..." Bianca responded, thinking what would be happening next. Then, Kris and Jeimi left their seats. Plan A seemed to be working effectively. So far so good.
"We'll be back in a while," Jeimi mentioned before they turned around and descended the flight of stairs.
"So," I started, "That..." while pointing to Kris and Jeimi walking away, "... is scripted," I told Bianca.
She laughed out and gave me a light punch on my right thigh. Her smile almost killed me to my balls again. After she was settled, I moved my chair really close to her and I placed my right arm on her right shoulder. I started out again,
"This was all part of the plan, Bianca, and I know that you know where this is going," I slowly and carefully said, before continuing, "But I'd just like to tell you something."
"Hmmmmmmmm, what...?" she said while giving me her killer smile. I'm perpetually GG-fied by that ever-beautiful lips of hers.
"You know, all this time, I've been thinking, but not just of you of course but of the whole situation we are in. And I've concluded that what I'm feeling inside me is quite right although it may seem outright stupid at first. But still, I'd like you to know that you're a very special person to me. I mean, without you, I would not have changed and I could have been a useless person I was. But you, you defined me. You molded me into a new person which is what I am right now. And I thank you for that," I continued on saying the sincerest of things, and some lines of mine of which I couldn't remember anymore.
"Thanks, Mike. I thank you for everything and I appreciate every single thing you did for me," she eagerly responded while looking directly at my eyes. "Good speech by the way, but why are you all red?" she quickly placed in as a comic relief. We both laughed at that really loud like we were the spotlight at the second floor of Yellow Cab, Eastwood City, Libis.
"What!? Me? Red...? You have to be kidding me. You're the one who's red!" I responded because she was really red at that time. We laughed yet again, but I continued,
"Anyway, I'd just like to ask you a question."
"What?"
I gave her 'the question.'
"Uhm, Mike, uhhhmm..." she responded then she immediately gave me a short, sweet hug.
"Whatever happens, please don't be sad whatsoever, okay? You know my situation, right? And, uhm, I don't want to turn you down," she continued. "Damn you, your question's really hard to answer!!!"
"Ah come on, it's totally fine by me if it's a 'no.' We're still going to be friends after this," I said while laughing.
"NO, I don't want to give you a 'no!' But well, you know my situation and I couldn't say--"
"It's okay," I smiled at her before looking away. "I can wait," I followed through while smiling.
This time, we were really really close to each other. Suddenly,
"HAHAHAHA! Why are you so RED!?" she deliberately asked me (emphasis on red because I myself felt that blood was rushing exuberantly through my veins).
"HELL NO, you're RED!" I retorted.
"Want me to bring out a mirror!?" she did and we both looked at it at the same time.
"See!?" she insisted.
"Oh well. Yes, you're right, but still... (5 second pause) I love you," with a head turn that I hoped was all too suave. GG.
We conversed for like thirty minutes before I texted Kris asking where they were. I knew they felt excited over my situation but I still did not want to tell them that it was a 'no answer.' After receiving his text message though, Bianca and I came over to their spot which was a silent area in the Citywalk. We saw the two in a bench and so we decided to get ours.
It was a drama session. She was the only person in the world that I've shared my inner problems to. I mean, wow, a drama session at the end of the day? Ftw.
"If those are the only things you're worrying about, then you're no match to mine," she said.
"Damn."
We talked about problems, but I didn't really bug her to tell her side of the story else she might lose her stability. She just told me what she comfortably wanted to and that was enough for me. I felt at that time that the burden she was carrying was really really heavy and I hugged her for that.
That was when I changed again towards a better person because I knew that this petite gorgeous English block mate of mine whom I admired the most was a strong person.
I felt like a weakling. Well, weakened more to my knees because of her smile...
10:30 pm when we stood up from our bench and moved towards Kris and Jeimi. I told them I'm going to walk Bianca to her place. Bianca said her goodbyes before we walked to her condominium. I asked her if I can hold her hand. She looked at the direction of her place and then thought for a second or two before looking at me again,
"It's faaar!"
"HAHA! I was just kidding." I said.
She was quite silent but I managed to put off a few laughs out of her and I kept the talk going. We walked slow and I was cherishing the time we were together. Her backhand was touching mine but still I didn't grab her hand because I didn't have the permission in the first place.
When we were in front of her condominium, she told me she's going to her uncle's unit first so we had to say good bye to each other. But before we parted ways,
"Bianca, gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na mahal talaga kita."
[And that's the only goddamn Filipino dialogue in here. Take note of that.]
In English, "Bianca, I'd just like to tell you that I really love you." After that, I gave her a long, tight hug that should've choked her.
She joked if I had enough already during the course of the hug. We laughed at that, then we bid farewell to each other. But before she could go any further, I picked up her left hand, which was the nearest to me, with my right hand and kissed it softly. She turned around again and we found ourselves laughing harder than before.
"It was a stolen one," I sweetly said. Still, we were laughing.
When we turned our backs to each other, I texted her my apologies for doing such stupidity. She replied it was fine though. I immediately went back to Kris and Jeimi and told them the whole story. They were happy for me. Well, I'm only happy if I see Bianca happy, but she didn't seem to be really happy after our whole day adventure. She was confounded.
The next moment we were at Kris' car and we dropped off Jeimi to her place first. Kris then brought me home.
Just like good old times, we had blasted our wallets and pockets but we coursed through the path home satisfied. Well, I wished I was that time, but I really wasn't. I was troubled.
The good old times, huh?
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
It was 8:20 am when my dad dropped me at Ian's place. The time I got to the gate, I saw Ian's mom driving the car out of the garage. I greeted her a good morning when I peeked through the car's window. Ian then went out of their front door, closed the gate, and ushered me to their car. We were to go to Eastwood at that time.
Eastwood...? Early morning? Why?
We were supposed to go to the Ayala Museum that morning as a final enrichment activity for our Asian History... with Bianca. Oh-ho, there goes the twist. We were to pick her up. That was why we were at Eastwood; supposedly, Ian's mom would drop us there and it's up to us on how we would get our asses off to Ayala.
It was kind of easy because there were available cabs anywhere and we're just to call out one. It was around 9:00 am when Bianca, as beautiful as ever, descended from her kingdom-slash-condominium and met Ian and me at the entrance. Her smile was just pulverizing - pulverizing in a way that you'd be 1-2-knocked out.
A minute and we were already in a cab. Ian sat at the front seat beside the driver. Bianca and I took the back seats (Thank you Ian for a wonderful cooperative game play. You are a good friend!). That was when Bianca told us that she didn't tell anyone but her grandma that we were kidnapping her out of Eastwood, which seriously scared me off my skin. She was all too precious that deserved the best of care, and she was on me and Ian's very hands to watch for.
In a short while Bianca and I were already seated on one side of the back seat because she moved towards me. Jesus Christ, what was that? I learned she does not want herself for a sun beam and so she had to put all our things on her side of the seat so that she could move closer to me. I kept entertaining her all the way to the museum in exchange for my freaking paradisaical happiness. You know what I mean... being side to side with the girl you admired the most with all your life and balls - and you can do what you want - you get the idea.
The museum was a grand epic experience primarily because I was beside Bianca almost all the time. I paid more attention to her than any other historical display on all four floors of the Ayala Museum; seeing her delighted was more than enough and would certainly be a lot greater than an A+ History paper. Besides, she is a museum of beauty that I'd be willing to explore all year round. We went around the Ayala museum in a planned route though, thanks to Ian who was familiar with the place. As for me, my mind went in circles, bedazzled by Bianca's stunning beauty.
I think she hit her forehead once because she was amazed by a certain diorama that she didn't notice the glass covering it, semi-hurting herself in the process. That was cute. She held her forehead with both hands and approached me with a sad face. I think that was the first time I hugged her, and the first time I held her head with both of my hands and almost kissed her on the forehead. Well, a good guy I was, I resisted the temptation. Can't believe how good I am.
It was a battle of indecisive minds before we had lunch at PiaDina at Greenbelt. It took us ages to choose where to eat and I had a severe headache that started like 2 hours before which took out my appetite because I lacked sleep the night before. My vision was literally a vortex tunnel that I lost my noise level and hyperactivity as well. I was trying my best to put on a fine facial expression but I couldn't even hook the pasta with my fork. I realized then that I was dehydrated which explains why I was a little fine after I had water down my throat. Damn fucking metabolism.
Another cause of my dizziness would probably be Bianca's beauty overload, but if that's the case, I'd rather be dizzy all my life.
We left Ian and a friend at Greenbelt because apparently Bianca and I had to go back to Eastwood to meet Kris and Jeimi just to hang out for the rest of the day. We crossed a street where Bianca grabbed my arm because she was scared in crossing roads but I brought her safely to the other side. Who's the hero? Me. We then took a cab and history repeated itself. We were on one side of the seat again and I was quite happy of course. It was a bonding moment for the both of us throughout the trip and these were the times that I get to truly know her.
2:30 pm and we were at Eastwood; I had Bianca wait for me outside a restroom because I had to pee. I thought I lost her though 'cause she was nowhere in sight when I stepped out. But when I texted her, she just came out of nowhere. We had a good laugh for some odd reason.
We were off to DQ yet again just like before and we were supposed to meet Kris and Jeimi there. I wanted to treat Bianca something sweet too that's why I chose the place. When the whole bunch assembled we hung around for half an hour before going to the cinemas to see what time would 'Watchmen,' the movie we wanted to see that day, start since we knew we were off the playing time schedule. Anyway, the movie was only available at Ultra 7 (the cinema at the new mall) and it would start at around 5:30 pm. It was only 4:00 back then so we just headed to National Bookstore to help Kris find a gift for his dad who had his birthday the day before.
We went to the parking area because Kris wanted to get a jacket for Jeimi which was placed in his car and that I'd be depositing my bag at the same time so that I'd be having no load to bug me around. We went to Ultra 7 afterwards and bought tickets. It was 5:00 pm and we descended a floor below to sit on a couch and put our asses to rest for a while since we've been walking the whole day.
That was another epic moment since I had the balls to lean on Bianca and steal her wallet and her ID again and again. It was a fail attempt though because she wasn't so happy about it, especially when I was looking at her high school baby face picture. Fail means fail, really. Well in fact I've been leaning on her all day long because I felt like being an asshole (Hi Bianca, if you ever noticed that, just so you know). And oh, her perfume, whatever it was, I loved it. Or is it just my imagination? No epic win although I've been leaning on her.
Oh wait there's one! I grabbed her phone. What's the epic win then? She held my closed fist with both of her hands in the struggle of having her phone back. The moment I realized she was holding my hand I was stunned and I didn't know I was already letting go of her phone and dropping it to her lap. Her hands... MADE OF WIN!
We went back up to Ultra 7 at 5:30 pm and immediately took our seats after a restroom break. Soon there were people flying around asking what flavor everyone wanted for popcorns and what drinks everyone wanted to have.
"Is this included in the 700 bucks you paid?" Bianca asked me.
"Yes," I responded as soon as she finished her question.
A lady approached us and I had my order patterned after Bianca's, which was cheese for popcorn and a root beer in can. The seats were awesome too. They were all in pairs and seemed as if you're in bed. So in the far right there was Kris and Jeimi having their moment, and in the middle there was Bianca and me. Bed sensation = for the win. Kidding. I'm a shy person, you know. Don't get the wrong idea. Nothing happened.
"You sure these are all free?" she asked me again when we were having our snacks and seeing that Kris and Jeimi had none.
"Nope they're not. You're going to pay for them," I cooly lied.
"WHAT!?" she exclaimed in shock, but she later learned that they were all included in the payment.
Half of the time I was watching Bianca. She kept on asking me about the details of the movie of which 99% I couldn't answer. I was still confounded by how God bestowed her such overkilling beauty. The movie was good though but it is quite evident that I'd rather watch Bianca.
Just like good old times, we had dinner at Yellow Cab. Unfortunately, it rained when we were watching the movie. So that explains why it was freezing at Ultra 7, considering too that Bianca was having a hard time dealing with the temperature and that I was using my cap as a fan to 'comfort' her and give her some heat. Screwed. Anyway, I wanted to have dinner at the balcony but it was wet so we all opted to take the seats inside at the second floor by the farthest corner table of the room. Kris and Jeimi sat together of course and I was sitting beside Bianca. Kris and I were on the wall; to his left was Jeimi and to my right was my beloved.
This time too, I chose the pizza - Hawaiian 14". I couldn't remember the exact time when we were eating because I lost track of everything since I have been planning something hideous. When Bianca went downstairs to get the condiments she wanted, I told Plans A and B to Kris and Jeimi.
We finished dinner in 15 minutes and when I was already prepared to execute my masterful killer GG plans, I kindly sent Kris 'the sign.'
"Uhm Bianca, I'd be buying something and I'll have Jeimi along. We'll return as soon as we're finished..." Kris said to assist me on my Plan A.
"Uhhh, okaaay..." Bianca responded, thinking what would be happening next. Then, Kris and Jeimi left their seats. Plan A seemed to be working effectively. So far so good.
"We'll be back in a while," Jeimi mentioned before they turned around and descended the flight of stairs.
"So," I started, "That..." while pointing to Kris and Jeimi walking away, "... is scripted," I told Bianca.
She laughed out and gave me a light punch on my right thigh. Her smile almost killed me to my balls again. After she was settled, I moved my chair really close to her and I placed my right arm on her right shoulder. I started out again,
"This was all part of the plan, Bianca, and I know that you know where this is going," I slowly and carefully said, before continuing, "But I'd just like to tell you something."
"Hmmmmmmmm, what...?" she said while giving me her killer smile. I'm perpetually GG-fied by that ever-beautiful lips of hers.
"You know, all this time, I've been thinking, but not just of you of course but of the whole situation we are in. And I've concluded that what I'm feeling inside me is quite right although it may seem outright stupid at first. But still, I'd like you to know that you're a very special person to me. I mean, without you, I would not have changed and I could have been a useless person I was. But you, you defined me. You molded me into a new person which is what I am right now. And I thank you for that," I continued on saying the sincerest of things, and some lines of mine of which I couldn't remember anymore.
"Thanks, Mike. I thank you for everything and I appreciate every single thing you did for me," she eagerly responded while looking directly at my eyes. "Good speech by the way, but why are you all red?" she quickly placed in as a comic relief. We both laughed at that really loud like we were the spotlight at the second floor of Yellow Cab, Eastwood City, Libis.
"What!? Me? Red...? You have to be kidding me. You're the one who's red!" I responded because she was really red at that time. We laughed yet again, but I continued,
"Anyway, I'd just like to ask you a question."
"What?"
I gave her 'the question.'
"Uhm, Mike, uhhhmm..." she responded then she immediately gave me a short, sweet hug.
"Whatever happens, please don't be sad whatsoever, okay? You know my situation, right? And, uhm, I don't want to turn you down," she continued. "Damn you, your question's really hard to answer!!!"
"Ah come on, it's totally fine by me if it's a 'no.' We're still going to be friends after this," I said while laughing.
"NO, I don't want to give you a 'no!' But well, you know my situation and I couldn't say--"
"It's okay," I smiled at her before looking away. "I can wait," I followed through while smiling.
This time, we were really really close to each other. Suddenly,
"HAHAHAHA! Why are you so RED!?" she deliberately asked me (emphasis on red because I myself felt that blood was rushing exuberantly through my veins).
"HELL NO, you're RED!" I retorted.
"Want me to bring out a mirror!?" she did and we both looked at it at the same time.
"See!?" she insisted.
"Oh well. Yes, you're right, but still... (5 second pause) I love you," with a head turn that I hoped was all too suave. GG.
We conversed for like thirty minutes before I texted Kris asking where they were. I knew they felt excited over my situation but I still did not want to tell them that it was a 'no answer.' After receiving his text message though, Bianca and I came over to their spot which was a silent area in the Citywalk. We saw the two in a bench and so we decided to get ours.
It was a drama session. She was the only person in the world that I've shared my inner problems to. I mean, wow, a drama session at the end of the day? Ftw.
"If those are the only things you're worrying about, then you're no match to mine," she said.
"Damn."
We talked about problems, but I didn't really bug her to tell her side of the story else she might lose her stability. She just told me what she comfortably wanted to and that was enough for me. I felt at that time that the burden she was carrying was really really heavy and I hugged her for that.
That was when I changed again towards a better person because I knew that this petite gorgeous English block mate of mine whom I admired the most was a strong person.
I felt like a weakling. Well, weakened more to my knees because of her smile...
10:30 pm when we stood up from our bench and moved towards Kris and Jeimi. I told them I'm going to walk Bianca to her place. Bianca said her goodbyes before we walked to her condominium. I asked her if I can hold her hand. She looked at the direction of her place and then thought for a second or two before looking at me again,
"It's faaar!"
"HAHA! I was just kidding." I said.
She was quite silent but I managed to put off a few laughs out of her and I kept the talk going. We walked slow and I was cherishing the time we were together. Her backhand was touching mine but still I didn't grab her hand because I didn't have the permission in the first place.
When we were in front of her condominium, she told me she's going to her uncle's unit first so we had to say good bye to each other. But before we parted ways,
"Bianca, gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na mahal talaga kita."
[And that's the only goddamn Filipino dialogue in here. Take note of that.]
In English, "Bianca, I'd just like to tell you that I really love you." After that, I gave her a long, tight hug that should've choked her.
She joked if I had enough already during the course of the hug. We laughed at that, then we bid farewell to each other. But before she could go any further, I picked up her left hand, which was the nearest to me, with my right hand and kissed it softly. She turned around again and we found ourselves laughing harder than before.
"It was a stolen one," I sweetly said. Still, we were laughing.
When we turned our backs to each other, I texted her my apologies for doing such stupidity. She replied it was fine though. I immediately went back to Kris and Jeimi and told them the whole story. They were happy for me. Well, I'm only happy if I see Bianca happy, but she didn't seem to be really happy after our whole day adventure. She was confounded.
The next moment we were at Kris' car and we dropped off Jeimi to her place first. Kris then brought me home.
Just like good old times, we had blasted our wallets and pockets but we coursed through the path home satisfied. Well, I wished I was that time, but I really wasn't. I was troubled.
The good old times, huh?
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