Chapter 16: Labyrinth

I've been drinking until April 8. It was the holy week so I had to cut my happiness by Holy Wednesday. I haven't talked to Bianca since the Monday before and I was out of my balls and wits. That's when I realized I couldn't last any longer without her. But still, I stood my ground - arrogant I was, I wanted to see if she'd really talk to me first. I didn't know I was crucifying my fucking ass.

By the evening of the Maundy Thursday, 9th of April 2009, things were worse. It was Chantal's birthday that day and she was equally sad when I got to talk to her. She was emotional at that point in time so I felt like the whole world's fucking down. What next?

What next? - April 10, 2009. Friday. 11:02 pm.

I found myself in front of a Yahoo! Messenger chat window with a new message from Bianca Arcega. My status was 'DND' (Do Not Disturb, as you may all know) back then since I was writing this story in this blog site, but of course Bianca was an exception. The moment her message window popped up from my desktop screen,

"Busy on a holy week?" she asked.

Bloody heaven and hell that just purged my balls from sadness. OWEITJIOWJDGHIALVJSDJPSAJDNHFIHASLALDFAWFPLMCKBJJKDKSBI. I tried to be as composed as possible and it took me thirty painstaking seconds before I was able to reply.

"Uhh kinda." I didn't tell her I was writing this story. "The stat's DND by the way because I'm hiding from someone," I continued.

She asked me to update her. I gladly did as was evident from my Message Archive. We've been chatting, and sharing, and bonding, and fishing. Yes. Girls fish without them knowing it, you know.

"Have you heard of my best pick-up line?" I asked her.

"Try me."

"Actually I don't have one since you're not here by my side... You bring out the best in me," Fucking retarded and lame.

"Mine's better."

"Oh, go ahead."

"Do you know who the second most handsome guy is here on earth?"

"Who?"

"You... Do you know who the most handsome is?"

"Who?"

"You... When you smile."

I fucking smiled the moment I read the message. She got me there. That was fucking brilliant. She went on,

"You know, it's really better if you say it personally. You really see the person smile."

Ok so God drummed my balls and I was defeated in the battle of pick-up lines. We've delved on cheesier stuff as the talk went on though. I missed her company, really, that was why I took the opportunity and maximized every second of the Y!M conversation as I eagerly responded to every message of hers.

"I can imagine, you're red right now," she told me.

"Me? No. Maybe kilig... Kidding. Haha." Kilig is that sudden rush when one is immediately placed in a situation that's all too romantic or whatever of the same shit.

"Really? As in no tingy feeling?" she pressed on.

"Well, it happens when I pee... Specifically when I'm almost done."

":-| Too much info, Mike."

The conversation crossed over midnight as always. She opened a little about her previous crush, which definitely saddened her yet again, and I wasn't able to alter the course of the talk as soon as possible. So I just told her about my plans of shifting to the University of the Philippines to change the topic.

"If you're in UP already, you might forget us..." she told me.

"What!? Why?"

"For some reason. :))"

"Give me a specific reason."

"I don't know. Haha. Anything can happen."

"What could that 'anything' be?"

"New friends? New life? I don't know."

"New love?" I pitched in. "Nah, it won't happen. It'd always be you."

"Haha don't say that. :-P"

"Why?"

"Simply because anything can happen."

"I won't forget about you. You'll know why, soon. :->"

"What's behind that smug?"

"Surprise, surprise, expect one from the clown."

What she didn't know at that time was that this story I've been writing was the surprise. This would always remind me of her, and in turn, remind her of me. I moved the drama aside though since the following messages after those were pretty much comedic and entertaining. Eventually, we've been answering Facebook quizzes at the same time.

"Hey, I just answered this 'What kind of Atenean chick do you like?' Facebook quiz," I told her.

":))"

"Result: BIANCA... BIANCA ARCEGA."

"WEH! There's nothing of the like!" That was a cute of her.

My dear Facebook... If it wasn't for that social networking site I would not have gotten the chance to apply for Bianca Online Communications and take up the course BA Love. I assume you know what BA stands for by the way.

"OMG what's this!?" she messaged me after a short while.

"Why, what's up?"

"I answered this 'What kind of guys do you attract?' quiz and the result is: Creeper!"

The Facebook Quiz said something like this:

creepers=Girl! You are just too nice, and your helpfulness is misunderstood as being interested. He is usually an older, oily man who, at the first sign of attention from anyone, misconstrues it as love. Get them away by not being nice to whoever you meet! However, if you like them... then just stay on the course and they will keep coming to/after you.

"So I'm a creeper, huh?"

"HAHA!"

The conversation still went on until 1:40 am and that's when her DSL fucked up. It was the last time I talked to her over Yahoo! Messenger. Good Friday was over when I slept that morning. Welcome to the Black Saturday, Mike.

After the holy week, I've arranged my school shit. I did all of these on the Monday after Easter Sunday - I followed up my order for my transcript of records and transfer credentials (which I paid back just the Holy Monday) and I acquired an application form from UP with the aid of Chantal. The following days, I've been hanging around Ateneo since people were already having their summer classes and I wanted to see them around.

Bianca didn't have summer classes.

The Friday of that week, Chantal asked Rups to go to TechnoHub and eat at Flapjacks. Rups of course hired me for reasons only the two of us knew. And for 'success' purposes I dragged Kris along. I bribed him of the One-Peso Pancake offer/promo of Flapjacks.

It was 2 pm. The three of us came at Flapjacks first and we were already having our meals and bottomless iced teas. Chantal caught up in 30 minutes time and Rups was happy. Well I think Chantal was happier. I don't know.

That afternoon, I realized that I haven't talked to Bianca for a week. Well I'm conscious that I haven't been communicating with her lately because I wanted to - I wanted to distance myself from her and see what life would be if there was no Bianca - I survived, well in a poor state of survival though - and I haven't noticed that it was already a goddamn week's time. Shit.

So Chantal bought me a Sun Cellular sim card for me to be able to easily converge with Bianca's Sun Cellular line. It was 3 pm when I texted her,

"Hi Bianca. How much would the ransom be if I kidnap you? - Kidnapper."

She didn't reply. I texted her the same message, but still, there was no reply. I changed my mind and blowed up the cover of the anonymous cellphone number,

"Kidding! Mike here :D"

There was an immediate response, a seriously immediate text message, to my inbox.

"Crazy! Haha! There's no ransom if you kidnap me :-P"

JOPEGHEOFJEOHFIEOAWFLAPMLCEKHGFEILGHL.

That Friday evening I was drinking with a few high school classmates and Chantal at Richie's place. I think I've been calling Bianca every 30 minutes because I was fly and high. I couldn't remember well what we've been talking over the phone until 2 or 3 am in the morning, until I was on my way home, and eventually, home.

But I'm certain of one thing: I told her I love her.

Life was a labyrinth. I didn't know where my heart and my mind were going. I didn't know where my mortality was walking into, or where my soul was dwelling into. But still, there was no way out of my masterful, shitful situation.

No fucking way out... But Bianca.

Gotta love life's labyrinths.

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