Chapter 11: Sidewalks

I tread on the sidewalks.

What of the main road then?

School's almost out and I've been counting the last hell weeks of the month of March, and perhaps the last days I'll be getting my ass around Ateneo. The whole of the second semester was actually my only remaining chance of proving the university that I deserved to stay since I'm on probation. However, it turned out that I just had another mediocre semester and probably I'm going to get myself kicked out any time soon. Catching up on grades may not be so possible anymore at that time.

My LS class was pretty cool because my teacher, Ms. Maglaque, was lenient and approachable. Also, I showed my interest and effort in this class. I enjoyed the focal point of doing Leadership and Strategy for one whole semester even if it took great pains for me to finish certain papers and long tests, or even researching for various information and preparing for reporting in class. Perhaps this was the class I excelled the most with my mediocre performance.

My Science class was the most useless class I ever had for the expanse of my lifetime. I don't even know if it had significance or what but I only found the important relationship of Science and Society during the last session for the whole semester. I mean, I can bluff my way around the topics when it comes to Science and Society, but the 'real' answer as to what Science and Society was all about just came out from my teacher when we were about to say goodbye to him. Good bye Mr. Marquez. Fuck that goddamn subject. I couldn't say goodbye to my killer GG girl classmates though. I still want to see them around... the hotness.

My English class was the most significant! This is unquestionable. If AISIS Online Enlistment did not fuck up I should not have been a student for section S09 and I should not have seen, known, and loved Bianca Arcega. Besides, Mrs. Oblepias was the most supportive teacher I had when it came to relationships. She tipped me well when it came to relationships and those tips were actually applicable to real life. And if it wasn't for English too, I should not have known Kris, Jeimi, Mikko, Vince and Ralph, and I should not have led a more colorful existence.

History classes, hmmm, were the most sessions I slept in. Seriously, every Histo class I attended, each and every 1-hour-20-minute discussion, I'm asleep for almost an hour. I also come in late by 5 or 10 minutes most of the time. I almost flunked the goddamn class because I was not listening to what Ms. Nazareno was discussing almost every classroom discourse and my notes were indecipherable because my hand wrote on its own whenever I'm asleep. If it wasn't for Bianca (although my efforts of challenging her came to no avail since she always scored 20 more points than I do every exam) I should've consistently flunked my long tests.

PE classes were fun although I got myself battered and bruised (I kid) a couple of times. I kind of enjoyed sparring even if the ladies of my class kept on hitting me hard with their Arnis sticks every time I had practice with them. Also, I kept on acquiring blisters all over my hands and fingers every after PE session. I learned to love the whole experience though simply because this class defined me the word 'pain,' with pleasure of course.

Theology classes were epic. My teacher, Mr. Roncal, was one of the coolest guys I've seen who was able to teach religion in an unconventional manner. Moreover, he was able to relate the topics to real life. Although I slept in the class every now and then, every lesson we had was instilled into my thinking that was why I loved doing Theology 121. This was the only class I walk out inspired other than English.

Accounting 10 was my Saturday morning class. I usually cut 2 hours of the 3-hour class by coming in late, over-extending the 10-minute break in the middle of the period for over-caffeinating myself with coffee and having rice meals or whatever, and leaving early to go to the cafeteria on the last minutes of the class. I failed this subject the previous semester so this was a retake but I thought I'd be flunking again.

NSTP was my Saturday afternoon class and I enjoyed the whole of it basically because my classmates there were all fun to be with. Through tough times we were able to do what we planned for the community we were helping back then. I'm going to miss all my NSTP buddies considering that there were several Saturdays that I played DotA with the guys. This addiction never ceased.

I also had a fair share of troubles within my friends and classmates alike, from mere disagreements to personal conflicts and all that, and I wish to discuss such no further.

I had more extra-curricular activities and I prioritized them more than my academics, to tell the truth. There was a reason why I have been lacking on motivation to propel myself to work and strive really hard. It was a challenge for me as well where to find a new motivation or inspiration. So really, I was not able to push myself any further.

It was quite evident that I haven't been traveling on the main road, but more on the sidewalks. I stood behind the street lamp posts, away from the light in the shadows of the night. I had my own stoplight to guide me through and I did not drive my ass up the right direction. I purposely led myself to fail. I didn't focus on my studies and I didn't take my probationary case seriously.

I remember this song called 'Sidewalks' by a post-hardcore band called Story Of The Year.

From the sidewalks,
Running away from the streets we knew,
Sidewalks,
Like the time we thought was made for you.
Or...

Life then was in a run for number 11. Notice how number 11 is handwritten and notice how the strokes are made. It all goes down. But to where?

That is the question I have yet to answer.

Fuck academic shit. And fuck me too. I screwed myself up. I did not know what to do with my life. Yes, I reached that phase and I don't know how and why. I had financial support from my parents, I had many circles of friends, I had enough drinking and DotA sessions, I had the best music I could probably ever like, I had my brains and my twisted philosophies, but what was I lacking?

Motivation? Nah, something more than that.

Love.

Family.

Oh, the Devil Lock. I myself am the devil of myself and I locked myself to myself thereby locking the devil unto me and locking my fate unto the devil which is me. The real problem I had actually was: I had no time for myself. For some reason, I wasn't able to focus on what I needed to do. I focused on what I wanted to do. But for sure, I will never ever regret it.

I've grown the Devil Lock up on my head by the way. So far so good. Oh yeah!

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