Chapter 4: Under The Stars

I made this chapter the same day after I came home from Katipunan. There was this event there called "Under the Stars." But because I was unable to meet with friends due to unexplainable circumstances (including waiting for Brian for more than an hour and he still didn't show up), I went to McDonald's instead and had dinner alone. And as I was finishing up my cheeseburger, I remembered this incident about a year ago.

It was Under the Stars 2008. I didn't have any goddamn idea that there was such happening in school (when I was still in the Ateneo) until Ian, a friend and a neighbor, told me through a text message that Bianca was there.

"Dude, do you know about Under the Stars?"

"Wtf is that?" I asnwered, thinking it was some chick flick film or a gay-ass book.

"It's this event at the SOM field and it's happening NOW."

"So?"

"Bianca's there."

I was shocked of course because I didn't have any single idea that an event was happening at school and I was at home playing my all-time favorite DotA. That's stalking fail number 1. I immediately replied and asked Ian what Under the Stars was all about. Well, he didn't explain much.

"Uhhh you star gaze I think? With a date..."

"Who is she with?!"

"She won't tell."

"CONVINCE, DUDE."

"Nah, good luck with that."

"Come on man. We're friends. Besides, I thought you were my wingman?"

"It isn't a big deal, really. Relax. And good luck!"

Damn Ian. I lost my DotA game, and more than that, I lost another opportunity. You know, I can't miss chances like these. But I couldn't do anything anyway at that time so I just played more games all throughout the night so as to take my mind off things.

And back to the present, as I was finishing up my hot fudge sundae, I kept on missing her every second. Perhaps I even looked like a little idiot at McDo, sitting with nobody but my classical guitar my dad gave me three years ago. Of course I'll be suffering the same ordeal for the whole evening so I decided to go home immediately. I took a cab just outside and as I was on the road home, I remembered the night of the 30th of January - I was on the very same scene, looking at the sky which almost seemed starless, hoping that Bianca was enjoying the same perspective.

Optimism aside, everything else is bullshit. Life in general is. May we be under the stars, the deep black sky, the rain, the rays of the sun, the hands of fate, the eyes of the gods, or whatever - we suffer. We are powerless against ourselves and our own fate.

Under the stars is not the best place to be; 6 feet under is the best way out, with much sarcasm.

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