Chapter 19: A Dejected Argument

May 5, 2009.

It was any other bum day since I was caged home for a full 24 hours. The whole day was actually quite fine and it was going steady until the clock hit 4:00 pm.

My mom called UP earlier that day to inquire about the processing of my application. It was bad news since the moment the Office of the University Registrar answered mum's call and asked for my name,

"Oh, Michael? From Ateneo?" asked by someone who got the line.

"Yes," mum immediately replied.

"Uhmm, we are still on the process of evaluating his grades but they are really low that he might not get the cut..."

It was a 1-minute conversation between mum and that someone. Mum just passed me this information since I was playing DotA when she called UP.

4:00 pm it is when dad arrived from Makati.

"So, if he's not going to UP...?" he confronted mum.

"We don't know."

"Then he's not going to study anymore! It's UP or nothing!" dad blatantly replied.

Angered yet shocked by this, I went to the dining room where both of them were discussing so that I could at least question how that decision came to be. In case, I also prepared to explain myself if ever mum and dad are going to GG-fy me for eternity. But a poor damned soul I was, the second they caught a glimpse of my figure emerging from the stairs, dad already started,

"Michael Eric, what now?"

"What 'what now'?" I slowly and softly answered.

"If you're not going to UP... Then you're not going anywhere!"

I didn't answer back to his fiery words. I was quite insulted with his statement. I know I got kicked out of the Ateneo because of my irresponsibility but for sure this isn't the way to settle this situation. I've always thought there's a room for improvement in any aspect of life I could be in, but then, what now?

That sucks.

May 6, 2009. 12:50 am.

I just signed in at Yahoo! Messenger because I got bored with TV shows and that I couldn't sleep. Just seconds after I clicked on the 'Available' button (since I do sign in as 'Invisible') a message window instantly popped up.

"Ooh Mr. Acosta is here ;))" Bianca said.

"Hi :-D"

"How are you?"

"Uhhh, screwed for life. You?"

"Screwed since a second ago."

"Why?"

"Because you said you're screwed for life."

I guarantee you those were the very words. It was only a 40-minute chat and all that time she was convincing me that I'm not a good-for-nothing person and that my parents weren't loathing me whatsoever. A pessimist I am, I argued that life's going to be wasted anytime soon. I told her that I've already lost everything the day before. I don't even know if my existence is going on a direction. I don't have anything more than that.

"But you have a friend that's bugging you right now and telling you not to give up because she believes in you."

Sweet. K. I was GG-fied yet again and I didn't know what to say but thanks. I knew I couldn't get myself to loving her any less because I just could not afford to.

"I told you," she continued, "You can't do anything. You're stuck with me. Sorry :-P"

The verdict was that we both believed there is goodness in this earth - she believes in mine; I believe in hers. Quits. Wait, what?!

It was pretty much casual talk when the chat crossed 20 minutes time but then she pitched in another GG line out of the blue.

"Haven't heard from you in a while. Hmmm."

"Why?"

"Don't get so depressed. There are so many beautiful things in this world."

"Indeed."

...

"Good thing I caught you online because I rarely get to afford the time," she said.

"I'm just a phone away."

She had to go in a little while so she already bid a good bye. She had to wake up early later that morning because she had to apply for her driver's license. But before we ended our conversation, we had these significant lines, I may say, that we traded with the winds of memory. I started out first.

"You're always convincing, Bianca. You can be in Ms. Universe."

"Nooo, I'm short."

"I'm not yet done. Ms Universe... Of my life."

"=))"

Fuck my ass. Now. That has to be the lamest line I could've said in my whole fucking life.

"I dont want to see you sad," I resumed.

"You want me to smile?"

"If I were a camera, I'm sure you'd always be smiling. That's why your smile is stored in my brain."

":)) Anyway, before I go, smile for me."

I did. It could've been more romantic if I had tears flowing down from my eyes, but no.

Life is one big fucking argument. Mike Acosta is a big fat argument. What do these have in common?

They're fucking dejected. That's cool, man.

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