Exactly 2 months before the exact time this chapter was published, I was at Yellow Cab, Eastwood City, Libis, having my moment of truth (kindly refer to Chapter 12).
I was dumped of course.
The time I was writing this blog, I was also phoning her but the service was temporarily unavailable. I was to call her just this afternoon but it seemed that her phone was unattended. Up until now my efforts were in vain.
And as I was thinking of the whole vacation and how to summarize it into one chapter, she phoned me. 11:00 pm. It was a talk I should cherish all my fucking life.
"Hi. Hello," I answered.
"Hello Mike."
"I was phoning you a while ago but it seemed you weren't with your phone or something."
"Well yeah. I was out."
Over an hour of chatting and my stomach called for food. I learned that Bianca just arrived home when she called me and that she still haven't changed clothes. So I gave her the time of doing so while I sneaked into the kitchen to grab a pack of Cheetos and a bowl of Kellogs to munch on.
We didn't call each other back and instead we sufficed ourselves with consistent exchange of text messages. Blown away by my happiness, I wasn't able to formulate a flow for this chapter as soon as possible so I had to delay publishing this chapter.
Looking back, the whole vacation was a mere bumming spree since I had nothing to do because I was sentenced with house arrest. Add to that the condition that I cannot use the computer for long periods of time, thus limiting the sources of indoor happiness, and that I cannot tune to the television the whole day unlike before. I could only go out if I had errands (e.g. applying for transfer credentials, acquiring my transcript of records, blah blah).
I did not get my ass into UP. As expected, I wasn't able to meet the minimum requirement for transferees so I had to immediately pull out my papers from them and find another school to apply to. Too bad I could not get into Philosophy - the course I wanted to be in to ever since first year. With the aid of Japs I had myself walking into the gates of the Far Eastern University as a transferee student.
It was a Wednesday, the 6th of May, and I was with Jap and Brian (I introduced the two). Jap had to do some stuff and in that process he could kind of assist me in applying at FEU. Brian was there primarily to hangout with me and join me in this little escapade since he had nothing to do.
May 8, 2009. 9:00 am. I was already sitting at room 307 of the Nursing Building at FEU having my entrance examination. Of course I didn't prepare. The questions were similar to a Facebook quiz and I finished in an hour and a half. I then went to Ateneo to get my official transcript of records that I should be submitting to FEU because I was quite sure I'm going to pass the entrance.
Indeed. I was accepted and I could apply for merit scholarship because I got a good 97% in the entrance exam. I was in for AB Literature. So everything was quite according to plan and I cheered up my parents' spirits with my latest accomplishment in life. Let's see what they're going to do with my scholarship then.
Happiness and glory aside, things were quite pains in the ass. Everything was such a hassle that I needed to bounce back and forth from Ateneo to UP and to FEU for several times to fix my papers and run into transactions. I had my application at UP finally cleared when I acquired back all my documents and submitted them straight to FEU - and it didn't end there - FEU wanted more than what UP required for applications so I had to go back to Ateneo to apply all over again for those fucking papers.
The evening of May 17, 2009 I decided to write something for Bianca. It's a short poem which can be found here. I'd like you to closely watch out for the details so as to unlock its secrets.
May 21, 2009. 2:20 pm.
"Hi mike! What's up?" Bianca messaged me at Yahoo! Messenger.
"Hi. Sorry for the late reply. I was making coffee downstairs." I haven't talked to her lately. I continued, "Uhhh what's up? Nothing much."
"How are you?" she asked.
"No, how are you?" I could not remember why I was in a bad mood back then.
"Answer my question first."
"Ladies first."
The argument kept on going in circles and I admit I sounded rude and sarcastic all throughout.
"I'm okay," she gave in, "But I think you're not in the mood to talk."
"As long as you're okay, I'm good. And oh, I'm always in the mood to talk."
"I'm sorry," she responded.
"Why?"
"Just wanted to know how you are."
Ok so I was in semi-asshole mode and I successfully ticked her off, ticking myself too in the process. It was fucking stupid of me.
And oh yes, for the last of the updates regarding the whole vacation - it is being on the phone with her the evening of May 25, 2009. Martin even told me that the 2-month fail-sary (as I'd like to put it) is not worth commemorating. I guess so, yes, but still it didn't break me - it made me instead, into another person. And as I've even said before, nothing's going to make me love her any less than today, or tomorrow, or the days after.
And here I am writing another Genesis of my life.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Chapter 20: Fate/Stay Night
Unusual title, eh? Does it sound familiar? Well for anime fans, yes.
Exactly 5 weeks ago, around 11:20 pm, I had to shut my computer down because I had to fucking obey stupid house regulations. I wasn't in the mood to sleep of course. I mean, who would be fucking asleep when the moment before you do so, you were being scolded for innocently killing boredom because you were a fucking bum all throughout the day. It has been pissing me off.
Because I was overly pissed at the time I didn't know I was already unconsciously scanning TV channels for a good show that'd hopefully lend me slumber, I tuned in to Animax at around 11:35 pm. I was like,
"Hey I know this fucking shit."
Indeed. It was the last anime I watched before I quit being a fan several years ago. As far as I could remember I was only able to watch the first 3 episodes of the whole series. I was a lucky ass because the moment I tuned in, episode 4 was already playing as if the show was for me.
Fate/Stay Night.
It was based on a video game and the story is pretty awesome although the anime version was minimized to fill in only 24 episodes where as the original length would probably be 100 times longer (hyperbole intended). Here's the gist of the story.
Setting: Japan
The main character named Shirou is an incapable magician who summoned a servant named Saber. Because of this he turned out to be one of the seven masters, who each has a servant, that will fight other masters and servants in the Holy Grail war. Now this war grants the last master and servant standing a wish through the power of the holy grail (note that Shirou was wishing for nothing), but to achieve this means to eliminate every single opponent through the forced cooperation of the master and the servant with the circumstances that 1.) only the servant can touch the grail, 2.) the master can force the servant. Let them sort their balls out with that. Smells like trouble.
Each servant is a reincarnation of a legendary character but in a different form. Saber for example is a woman but is actually King Arthur in the past. King Arthur wanted to win the Holy Grail war to undo a mistake that caused the fall of his kingdom. That is his purpose for fighting in the war. As the story progresses, Shirou pointed out that the effort was stupid since he believes that the past is the past and that what one should be thinking of and preparing for right now is the future. Moreover, he said that changing the past is childish - a mistake is a mistake and undoing something in the past means not getting over it up until now.
There have been numerous twists in the story, of which I'm not going to spoil anymore, that makes Fate/Stay Night a really cool anime considering that I only liked 4 or 5 animes in my whole life. Towards the end, Shirou and Saber were to fight one of the most powerful servants, who was a reincarnation of Gilgamesh (remember your Western history), and a formidable master, who was a survivor of the previous holy grail war that killed Shirou's stepfather.
Towards the end, Saber was able to kill Gilgamesh with her full power. Shirou was able to successfully defeat the last remaining master rendering him the glory of the holy grail war. But then, he ordered Saber to destroy the holy grail to stop the madness and wickedness it has brought to the world. At the end of it all, Saber realized that she loved Shirou who loved her first but she didn't succumb to because she was blinding herself that all she wanted was the grail. It was a cheesy ending, but there's this one scene that I fucking liked in this anime.
When Saber was able to defeat Gilgamesh, the guy told her that all he wanted was Saber and nothing more. Before he dissipated into thin air, he uttered the following words while having his right palm rest on Saber's left cheek.
"Some things are beautiful for the very reason that they are unobtainable."
And oh, during the last minutes of the very last episode there's this scene when Shirou was contemplating upon the past. I think he was standing on a bridge or something while overlooking a sea. It was the same place where he got to hang out with Saber before.
He said something like, "I might forget her smile, her voice, her face... But I won't be able to forget that I loved someone named Saber." I'm not sure with the accuracy of the words though but the essence was the same thing. Cheese. I enjoyed the whole series too that I wanted to download the game. It's just that my hard drive's left with only 200 MB of usable space whilst the whole visual novel was 2 gigabytes in size.
As if I've not had enough of animes and that I'm a fucking bum, I watched another series that was released December 2008. Now this anime's nothing fancy of intense sword fighting, bizarre sorcery, flying people and weird talking animals and mystical creatures and cute little demons and sexy hentai-ish angels - this one's normal, normal as in it can be seen in every day life. It's called,
ToraDora.
(Tiger Dragon, mind you.)
And this one's not fucking cheesy to tell the truth. This one's a simple laughtrip. The whole series can be found at YouTube if ever you're interested and I recommend it to those who don't like anime. Yes, those who don't like anime. And oh, try to unlock why the anime's entitled tiger and dragon. It's pretty interesting.
Interesting because... There's two guys who are good friends - one looks like a serial killer giving him the reputation of a delinquent in school, feared by many students, and the other guy a simple overworking genius and an athlete at the same time, and a heartthrob. They were second year high school students, and on the very first day of their school year, Ryuji 'the delinquent' bumped onto Taiga 'the palmtop tiger' (because of her tiger-like attitude that can beat the shit out of anyone, and palmtop because she's really small).
Now that's two powers clashing in school and Ryuji got his nose broken. Moving on, Taiga got to beat the shit out of Ryuji because she accidentally placed her love letter for Yusaku (Ryuji's good friend) in Ryuji's bag. Ryuji, in consolation, however opened up to Taiga about her feelings for Minori (a fellow baseball team captain of Yusaku) and that's when Taiga revealed that Minori was her goddamn bestfriend, so really, Ryuji screwed his ass twice - making her Taiga's dog for quite some time.
And the best goddamn thing is that they're all classmates.
And there's an addition to their simple group when Ami, a childhood friend of Yusaku and at the same time a really gorgeous model, transferred to their school and to their happy class.
What's good about this shit is that, throughout the story, Minori tried to hide her feelings for Ryuji, while Ami waited for Ryuji to give up on Minori so that she would have her chance. And then, in the end, Taiga realized that she liked Ryuji more than Yusaku (who by the way liked her before but started to like someone else). Now that's what we call intensity.
I'm not going to spoil the details. I'd rather have you see this for yourself.
The verdict: no matter how much time I spend on other things, the tigers and dragons of infatuation cling on me that I stay up all night pondering on the progression of my fate.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Exactly 5 weeks ago, around 11:20 pm, I had to shut my computer down because I had to fucking obey stupid house regulations. I wasn't in the mood to sleep of course. I mean, who would be fucking asleep when the moment before you do so, you were being scolded for innocently killing boredom because you were a fucking bum all throughout the day. It has been pissing me off.
Because I was overly pissed at the time I didn't know I was already unconsciously scanning TV channels for a good show that'd hopefully lend me slumber, I tuned in to Animax at around 11:35 pm. I was like,
"Hey I know this fucking shit."
Indeed. It was the last anime I watched before I quit being a fan several years ago. As far as I could remember I was only able to watch the first 3 episodes of the whole series. I was a lucky ass because the moment I tuned in, episode 4 was already playing as if the show was for me.
Fate/Stay Night.
It was based on a video game and the story is pretty awesome although the anime version was minimized to fill in only 24 episodes where as the original length would probably be 100 times longer (hyperbole intended). Here's the gist of the story.
Setting: Japan
The main character named Shirou is an incapable magician who summoned a servant named Saber. Because of this he turned out to be one of the seven masters, who each has a servant, that will fight other masters and servants in the Holy Grail war. Now this war grants the last master and servant standing a wish through the power of the holy grail (note that Shirou was wishing for nothing), but to achieve this means to eliminate every single opponent through the forced cooperation of the master and the servant with the circumstances that 1.) only the servant can touch the grail, 2.) the master can force the servant. Let them sort their balls out with that. Smells like trouble.
Each servant is a reincarnation of a legendary character but in a different form. Saber for example is a woman but is actually King Arthur in the past. King Arthur wanted to win the Holy Grail war to undo a mistake that caused the fall of his kingdom. That is his purpose for fighting in the war. As the story progresses, Shirou pointed out that the effort was stupid since he believes that the past is the past and that what one should be thinking of and preparing for right now is the future. Moreover, he said that changing the past is childish - a mistake is a mistake and undoing something in the past means not getting over it up until now.
There have been numerous twists in the story, of which I'm not going to spoil anymore, that makes Fate/Stay Night a really cool anime considering that I only liked 4 or 5 animes in my whole life. Towards the end, Shirou and Saber were to fight one of the most powerful servants, who was a reincarnation of Gilgamesh (remember your Western history), and a formidable master, who was a survivor of the previous holy grail war that killed Shirou's stepfather.
Towards the end, Saber was able to kill Gilgamesh with her full power. Shirou was able to successfully defeat the last remaining master rendering him the glory of the holy grail war. But then, he ordered Saber to destroy the holy grail to stop the madness and wickedness it has brought to the world. At the end of it all, Saber realized that she loved Shirou who loved her first but she didn't succumb to because she was blinding herself that all she wanted was the grail. It was a cheesy ending, but there's this one scene that I fucking liked in this anime.
When Saber was able to defeat Gilgamesh, the guy told her that all he wanted was Saber and nothing more. Before he dissipated into thin air, he uttered the following words while having his right palm rest on Saber's left cheek.
"Some things are beautiful for the very reason that they are unobtainable."
And oh, during the last minutes of the very last episode there's this scene when Shirou was contemplating upon the past. I think he was standing on a bridge or something while overlooking a sea. It was the same place where he got to hang out with Saber before.
He said something like, "I might forget her smile, her voice, her face... But I won't be able to forget that I loved someone named Saber." I'm not sure with the accuracy of the words though but the essence was the same thing. Cheese. I enjoyed the whole series too that I wanted to download the game. It's just that my hard drive's left with only 200 MB of usable space whilst the whole visual novel was 2 gigabytes in size.
As if I've not had enough of animes and that I'm a fucking bum, I watched another series that was released December 2008. Now this anime's nothing fancy of intense sword fighting, bizarre sorcery, flying people and weird talking animals and mystical creatures and cute little demons and sexy hentai-ish angels - this one's normal, normal as in it can be seen in every day life. It's called,
ToraDora.
(Tiger Dragon, mind you.)
And this one's not fucking cheesy to tell the truth. This one's a simple laughtrip. The whole series can be found at YouTube if ever you're interested and I recommend it to those who don't like anime. Yes, those who don't like anime. And oh, try to unlock why the anime's entitled tiger and dragon. It's pretty interesting.
Interesting because... There's two guys who are good friends - one looks like a serial killer giving him the reputation of a delinquent in school, feared by many students, and the other guy a simple overworking genius and an athlete at the same time, and a heartthrob. They were second year high school students, and on the very first day of their school year, Ryuji 'the delinquent' bumped onto Taiga 'the palmtop tiger' (because of her tiger-like attitude that can beat the shit out of anyone, and palmtop because she's really small).
Now that's two powers clashing in school and Ryuji got his nose broken. Moving on, Taiga got to beat the shit out of Ryuji because she accidentally placed her love letter for Yusaku (Ryuji's good friend) in Ryuji's bag. Ryuji, in consolation, however opened up to Taiga about her feelings for Minori (a fellow baseball team captain of Yusaku) and that's when Taiga revealed that Minori was her goddamn bestfriend, so really, Ryuji screwed his ass twice - making her Taiga's dog for quite some time.
And the best goddamn thing is that they're all classmates.
And there's an addition to their simple group when Ami, a childhood friend of Yusaku and at the same time a really gorgeous model, transferred to their school and to their happy class.
What's good about this shit is that, throughout the story, Minori tried to hide her feelings for Ryuji, while Ami waited for Ryuji to give up on Minori so that she would have her chance. And then, in the end, Taiga realized that she liked Ryuji more than Yusaku (who by the way liked her before but started to like someone else). Now that's what we call intensity.
I'm not going to spoil the details. I'd rather have you see this for yourself.
The verdict: no matter how much time I spend on other things, the tigers and dragons of infatuation cling on me that I stay up all night pondering on the progression of my fate.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, May 18, 2009
Chapter 19: A Dejected Argument
May 5, 2009.
It was any other bum day since I was caged home for a full 24 hours. The whole day was actually quite fine and it was going steady until the clock hit 4:00 pm.
My mom called UP earlier that day to inquire about the processing of my application. It was bad news since the moment the Office of the University Registrar answered mum's call and asked for my name,
"Oh, Michael? From Ateneo?" asked by someone who got the line.
"Yes," mum immediately replied.
"Uhmm, we are still on the process of evaluating his grades but they are really low that he might not get the cut..."
It was a 1-minute conversation between mum and that someone. Mum just passed me this information since I was playing DotA when she called UP.
4:00 pm it is when dad arrived from Makati.
"So, if he's not going to UP...?" he confronted mum.
"We don't know."
"Then he's not going to study anymore! It's UP or nothing!" dad blatantly replied.
Angered yet shocked by this, I went to the dining room where both of them were discussing so that I could at least question how that decision came to be. In case, I also prepared to explain myself if ever mum and dad are going to GG-fy me for eternity. But a poor damned soul I was, the second they caught a glimpse of my figure emerging from the stairs, dad already started,
"Michael Eric, what now?"
"What 'what now'?" I slowly and softly answered.
"If you're not going to UP... Then you're not going anywhere!"
I didn't answer back to his fiery words. I was quite insulted with his statement. I know I got kicked out of the Ateneo because of my irresponsibility but for sure this isn't the way to settle this situation. I've always thought there's a room for improvement in any aspect of life I could be in, but then, what now?
That sucks.
May 6, 2009. 12:50 am.
I just signed in at Yahoo! Messenger because I got bored with TV shows and that I couldn't sleep. Just seconds after I clicked on the 'Available' button (since I do sign in as 'Invisible') a message window instantly popped up.
"Ooh Mr. Acosta is here ;))" Bianca said.
"Hi :-D"
"How are you?"
"Uhhh, screwed for life. You?"
"Screwed since a second ago."
"Why?"
"Because you said you're screwed for life."
I guarantee you those were the very words. It was only a 40-minute chat and all that time she was convincing me that I'm not a good-for-nothing person and that my parents weren't loathing me whatsoever. A pessimist I am, I argued that life's going to be wasted anytime soon. I told her that I've already lost everything the day before. I don't even know if my existence is going on a direction. I don't have anything more than that.
"But you have a friend that's bugging you right now and telling you not to give up because she believes in you."
Sweet. K. I was GG-fied yet again and I didn't know what to say but thanks. I knew I couldn't get myself to loving her any less because I just could not afford to.
"I told you," she continued, "You can't do anything. You're stuck with me. Sorry :-P"
The verdict was that we both believed there is goodness in this earth - she believes in mine; I believe in hers. Quits. Wait, what?!
It was pretty much casual talk when the chat crossed 20 minutes time but then she pitched in another GG line out of the blue.
"Haven't heard from you in a while. Hmmm."
"Why?"
"Don't get so depressed. There are so many beautiful things in this world."
"Indeed."
...
"Good thing I caught you online because I rarely get to afford the time," she said.
"I'm just a phone away."
She had to go in a little while so she already bid a good bye. She had to wake up early later that morning because she had to apply for her driver's license. But before we ended our conversation, we had these significant lines, I may say, that we traded with the winds of memory. I started out first.
"You're always convincing, Bianca. You can be in Ms. Universe."
"Nooo, I'm short."
"I'm not yet done. Ms Universe... Of my life."
"=))"
Fuck my ass. Now. That has to be the lamest line I could've said in my whole fucking life.
"I dont want to see you sad," I resumed.
"You want me to smile?"
"If I were a camera, I'm sure you'd always be smiling. That's why your smile is stored in my brain."
":)) Anyway, before I go, smile for me."
I did. It could've been more romantic if I had tears flowing down from my eyes, but no.
Life is one big fucking argument. Mike Acosta is a big fat argument. What do these have in common?
They're fucking dejected. That's cool, man.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
It was any other bum day since I was caged home for a full 24 hours. The whole day was actually quite fine and it was going steady until the clock hit 4:00 pm.
My mom called UP earlier that day to inquire about the processing of my application. It was bad news since the moment the Office of the University Registrar answered mum's call and asked for my name,
"Oh, Michael? From Ateneo?" asked by someone who got the line.
"Yes," mum immediately replied.
"Uhmm, we are still on the process of evaluating his grades but they are really low that he might not get the cut..."
It was a 1-minute conversation between mum and that someone. Mum just passed me this information since I was playing DotA when she called UP.
4:00 pm it is when dad arrived from Makati.
"So, if he's not going to UP...?" he confronted mum.
"We don't know."
"Then he's not going to study anymore! It's UP or nothing!" dad blatantly replied.
Angered yet shocked by this, I went to the dining room where both of them were discussing so that I could at least question how that decision came to be. In case, I also prepared to explain myself if ever mum and dad are going to GG-fy me for eternity. But a poor damned soul I was, the second they caught a glimpse of my figure emerging from the stairs, dad already started,
"Michael Eric, what now?"
"What 'what now'?" I slowly and softly answered.
"If you're not going to UP... Then you're not going anywhere!"
I didn't answer back to his fiery words. I was quite insulted with his statement. I know I got kicked out of the Ateneo because of my irresponsibility but for sure this isn't the way to settle this situation. I've always thought there's a room for improvement in any aspect of life I could be in, but then, what now?
That sucks.
May 6, 2009. 12:50 am.
I just signed in at Yahoo! Messenger because I got bored with TV shows and that I couldn't sleep. Just seconds after I clicked on the 'Available' button (since I do sign in as 'Invisible') a message window instantly popped up.
"Ooh Mr. Acosta is here ;))" Bianca said.
"Hi :-D"
"How are you?"
"Uhhh, screwed for life. You?"
"Screwed since a second ago."
"Why?"
"Because you said you're screwed for life."
I guarantee you those were the very words. It was only a 40-minute chat and all that time she was convincing me that I'm not a good-for-nothing person and that my parents weren't loathing me whatsoever. A pessimist I am, I argued that life's going to be wasted anytime soon. I told her that I've already lost everything the day before. I don't even know if my existence is going on a direction. I don't have anything more than that.
"But you have a friend that's bugging you right now and telling you not to give up because she believes in you."
Sweet. K. I was GG-fied yet again and I didn't know what to say but thanks. I knew I couldn't get myself to loving her any less because I just could not afford to.
"I told you," she continued, "You can't do anything. You're stuck with me. Sorry :-P"
The verdict was that we both believed there is goodness in this earth - she believes in mine; I believe in hers. Quits. Wait, what?!
It was pretty much casual talk when the chat crossed 20 minutes time but then she pitched in another GG line out of the blue.
"Haven't heard from you in a while. Hmmm."
"Why?"
"Don't get so depressed. There are so many beautiful things in this world."
"Indeed."
...
"Good thing I caught you online because I rarely get to afford the time," she said.
"I'm just a phone away."
She had to go in a little while so she already bid a good bye. She had to wake up early later that morning because she had to apply for her driver's license. But before we ended our conversation, we had these significant lines, I may say, that we traded with the winds of memory. I started out first.
"You're always convincing, Bianca. You can be in Ms. Universe."
"Nooo, I'm short."
"I'm not yet done. Ms Universe... Of my life."
"=))"
Fuck my ass. Now. That has to be the lamest line I could've said in my whole fucking life.
"I dont want to see you sad," I resumed.
"You want me to smile?"
"If I were a camera, I'm sure you'd always be smiling. That's why your smile is stored in my brain."
":)) Anyway, before I go, smile for me."
I did. It could've been more romantic if I had tears flowing down from my eyes, but no.
Life is one big fucking argument. Mike Acosta is a big fat argument. What do these have in common?
They're fucking dejected. That's cool, man.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Chapter 18: Coincidental Rendezvous
April 29, 2009, Wednesday - the day this chapter was made.
I returned to Ateneo to acquire my delayed transcript of records. The registrar's office told me last Friday that I could get my transcript by the following Monday since they'd be editing an entry on the printed copy that wasn't supposed to be there. However, their promise didn't seem to be coming any real than Edward Cullen so I tried to follow up the whole shit.
I arrived at 11:30 and passed by the cafeteria. I saw some of my ex-block mates there and I hung out with them for an hour, telling them the progress of my application in the University of the Philippines and how my life has been so far since I got kicked out. It was a good talk with the block guys and gals before I decided to pass by the AMP bench and see how the people there have been doing.
I had lunch with Brian, JP, and Ralph Aguinaldo (a different Ralph). Of course, I ordered my favorite Chicken Hainanese from Buddha Bean Cafe and sat down at the AMP bench with the AMP people. It was more or less a noise party and a happiness session, including a sexy time with JP as we always did, before I left and went to the registrar's office to comply with my agenda for the day.
Just when I was crossing the red brick road in front of the Rizal Library on my way to the SocSci building where the registrar's office is, I saw Vince carrying a load of books he just borrowed. Long time no see buddy! I asked him if he was free, and he was, so I hung out with him for almost an hour. I owed him too many stories that's why it took me that long to tell at least half of them - including the tale of Mike and Bianca.
Well of course I started out the conversation with the usual greetings, asking the latest happenings, good and bad shit, what life is so far, and so on and so forth. Eventually the conversation flowed into my goddamn story from the very beginning and Vince seemed to be taken away by the ups and downs of certain uncertainties I've encountered in my second semester at the Ateneo.
We had a name for it: BV.
I was able to get the two copies of the transcript of records I ordered after hanging out with Vince. I left Ateneo in a short while with Brian to go to UP and meet Chantal. I needed company to check on the processing of my application to the courses I've chosen. We went back to Katipunan in 30 minutes time and we ate at McDonald's.
As I was walking back to my table from the counter after having my second order, I saw Mikko on a table together with some of his friends. I dropped a hello and had a little talk with him about what's been going on with me lately.
When I was about to leave McDonald's I texted Mikko where he was and he said he'd be leaving more or less the time I'd be leaving the place.
The best part of the day is, I was able to hitch a ride to Marcos highway... Mikko's ride. It can't get any better than that.
Out of McDonald's I was and it was a rampant flow of stories out of my mouth. Mikko seemed to be enjoying my story as well but much better than Vince did. I told him everything I could, considering that Marcos highway isn't that far from Katipunan.
In the middle of the conversation, Mikko, while driving, suddenly slammed both of his hands into the steering wheel. Then, he looked at me with a serious face and then looked away again.
"Mike, damn, your whole story... It's just fucking beautiful."
We've been talking about first loves, but he kept his side in cover so I respected that because I knew he must be bearing some painful memory. It was only me telling my whole story then. And Mikko kept on stressing,
"Man, I didn't expect this. I still remember those days when we only had like two or three English classes and I was even doubting if you were serious with Bianca or not. Most times I saw you down dude, but still you're hanging on, and look at it now! You're on the way, Mike. The whole story's fucking beautiful."
Of all the words, he chose 'beautiful.' He could've opted to use 'awesome,' or even 'great,' or just 'cool,' but no. And when I looked at it, my story's a good one after all. It isn't all too cheesy or generic, nor out of the box or super special. It's simply beautiful. And It's what I've been thinking about for the past month. I mean, the whole second semester of my life was just epic and unforgettable.
But, what now?
I don't have any fucking idea.
Vince and Mikko in one single day - a coincidental rendezvous. It was something that was not part of the plan, but then, fate seemed to play on me.
Well it played on me from the very beginning.
I'll play along.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
I returned to Ateneo to acquire my delayed transcript of records. The registrar's office told me last Friday that I could get my transcript by the following Monday since they'd be editing an entry on the printed copy that wasn't supposed to be there. However, their promise didn't seem to be coming any real than Edward Cullen so I tried to follow up the whole shit.
I arrived at 11:30 and passed by the cafeteria. I saw some of my ex-block mates there and I hung out with them for an hour, telling them the progress of my application in the University of the Philippines and how my life has been so far since I got kicked out. It was a good talk with the block guys and gals before I decided to pass by the AMP bench and see how the people there have been doing.
I had lunch with Brian, JP, and Ralph Aguinaldo (a different Ralph). Of course, I ordered my favorite Chicken Hainanese from Buddha Bean Cafe and sat down at the AMP bench with the AMP people. It was more or less a noise party and a happiness session, including a sexy time with JP as we always did, before I left and went to the registrar's office to comply with my agenda for the day.
Just when I was crossing the red brick road in front of the Rizal Library on my way to the SocSci building where the registrar's office is, I saw Vince carrying a load of books he just borrowed. Long time no see buddy! I asked him if he was free, and he was, so I hung out with him for almost an hour. I owed him too many stories that's why it took me that long to tell at least half of them - including the tale of Mike and Bianca.
Well of course I started out the conversation with the usual greetings, asking the latest happenings, good and bad shit, what life is so far, and so on and so forth. Eventually the conversation flowed into my goddamn story from the very beginning and Vince seemed to be taken away by the ups and downs of certain uncertainties I've encountered in my second semester at the Ateneo.
We had a name for it: BV.
I was able to get the two copies of the transcript of records I ordered after hanging out with Vince. I left Ateneo in a short while with Brian to go to UP and meet Chantal. I needed company to check on the processing of my application to the courses I've chosen. We went back to Katipunan in 30 minutes time and we ate at McDonald's.
As I was walking back to my table from the counter after having my second order, I saw Mikko on a table together with some of his friends. I dropped a hello and had a little talk with him about what's been going on with me lately.
When I was about to leave McDonald's I texted Mikko where he was and he said he'd be leaving more or less the time I'd be leaving the place.
The best part of the day is, I was able to hitch a ride to Marcos highway... Mikko's ride. It can't get any better than that.
Out of McDonald's I was and it was a rampant flow of stories out of my mouth. Mikko seemed to be enjoying my story as well but much better than Vince did. I told him everything I could, considering that Marcos highway isn't that far from Katipunan.
In the middle of the conversation, Mikko, while driving, suddenly slammed both of his hands into the steering wheel. Then, he looked at me with a serious face and then looked away again.
"Mike, damn, your whole story... It's just fucking beautiful."
We've been talking about first loves, but he kept his side in cover so I respected that because I knew he must be bearing some painful memory. It was only me telling my whole story then. And Mikko kept on stressing,
"Man, I didn't expect this. I still remember those days when we only had like two or three English classes and I was even doubting if you were serious with Bianca or not. Most times I saw you down dude, but still you're hanging on, and look at it now! You're on the way, Mike. The whole story's fucking beautiful."
Of all the words, he chose 'beautiful.' He could've opted to use 'awesome,' or even 'great,' or just 'cool,' but no. And when I looked at it, my story's a good one after all. It isn't all too cheesy or generic, nor out of the box or super special. It's simply beautiful. And It's what I've been thinking about for the past month. I mean, the whole second semester of my life was just epic and unforgettable.
But, what now?
I don't have any fucking idea.
Vince and Mikko in one single day - a coincidental rendezvous. It was something that was not part of the plan, but then, fate seemed to play on me.
Well it played on me from the very beginning.
I'll play along.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Chapter 17: Chicken Hainanese
I had several Ateneo visits during the month of April because I kept on following up my transactions with the registrar's office and I have to say that their system is fail... Sort of. Good thing my Ateneo friends were always around whenever my situation ticks me off. I always had lunch with them at SOM Mall, a cafeteria a little walk from SEC walk where students could try out venturing into business by selling food.
Chicken Hainanese is a trip down memory lane.
I remembered the Friday of March 13, exactly a month after I gave Bianca her Valentine's package, when she invited me for lunch. I planned on bringing Kris and Jeimi along and we all ate out at the bleachers near SOM Mall. We reserved this specific spot under the shade of a tree where we can chill and hang out for lunch.
I met up with Jeimi first and then walked with her to Bellarmine Hall to meet up with Kris to wait for him to finish his history class. And then we were off to meet up with Bianca.
Of course I was always in the spirit of Christmas and so I asked Bianca to kindly sit down for a while so that I'd order 'my meal' (when in fact I was planning on ordering our meals). I lined up at the Buddha Bean Cafe and placed two orders of Chicken Hainanese Combo with Milk Tea. After 5 minutes of waiting in line I got our food and I sat down with her.
Chicken Hainanese is euphoria. Everytime I smell its invigorating aroma even if it's not around or not even close to my nose, I instantly get hungry. And when I get hungry I tend to think of Bianca.
"Seriously, I'm fat," she started when we were eating our Chicken Hainanese meals.
"Who told you?"
"Me."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am!"
"So, you're not believing me..."
"I believe you, but--"
"End of story."
That was why she did not finish up her meal. She told me she was getting too fat when she's not and that she was really really full with these,
Food log:
1/2 cup Rice
2 pcs. Fried Siomai
1 serving of Chicken Hainanese (approx. 200 g)
1 glass of Milk Tea
I was able to consume almost twice her 'maximum capacity' in 2 minutes that I could have another order down my stomach. Damn Chicken Hainanese, why does it have to be so tasty? Well, it's only enjoyable when you eat it with company - more enjoyable with Bianca of course. Not only did I enjoy smelling my goddamn favorite Buddha Bean Cafe value meal at the time, I also got to witness my one true love eat my most loved SOM Mall food. That's two loves for me.
And when I was watching her, I remembered the uncountable times we were together, or just the times where she was the spotlight of my attention..
There was our first English class for the second semester and as a tradition each of us has to introduce him or herself in front of the class and say something special or unique. My attention automatically focused on the petite girl who sat by the door whose name I didn't know yet.
"Good afternoon everyone! I'm Bianca and you can call me, uhm, Bianca hahaha, and I'm taking up Communications... Uhm, talents, hmmm... I sing... But only in the shower," she told the class with her killer GG smile. Why does it have to be so beautiful? I was mesmerized when Mrs. Oblepias suddenly cut in-
"You sing? Sample. Oh wait... You have to be naked when you do that. So I suppose you should sing only in the shower."
Everyone was laughing, but Bianca... She was paradise personified. Oh my fucking gahd she was really beautiful when she laughed that whenever the memory returns to me I could easily collapse any time.
I also remembered this one November rain. I was crossing the EDSA walk from Kostka hall because my history class just finished. I was hating the weather back then, but when I was about to turn towards the direction of Gonzaga hall I saw a familiar face walking up to me. It was Bianca. Well, she was looking away as I was approaching so I waved in a little 'hi' to spark a little chat. As far as I can remember, she was on a sleeveless and a skirt. Dropdead gorgeous if you ask me.
"Hey Bianca."
"Oh, hi Mike."
"Finished with the assigned readings for today's History graded recitation?"
"What!? No one told me there was a graded recitation!"
"Oh."
She raised her hardbound notebook and gently pushed me with it while laughing. I think she thought I was not serious. Well, I was. I just did not tell her I flunked my first fucking graded recitation for the semester. I bid her good luck though when we parted ways. It made my fucking day.
There's also a cute incident in my memory that so reminded me of her. It was our first Eastwood trip. Kris, Jeimi, and I were walking to her place, but when we were in front of her condominium already, she offered to walk us back. It sounded pointless so we asked why.
"I'm stronggg!" she responded with a soft laugh while flexing both her biceps. Fucking cute. Cute enough to melt my balls again and again, and again.
There's a much cute incident than that. It was February 27 and she was wearing the same attire she did on February 18 I think. It was an English class and each of us had to go up front and bring something that we're not, well, something that does not show our qualities and whatnot, and explain.
Bianca brought this bar of dark chocolate and explained she wasn't a dark chocolate simply because of her complexion. SORRYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm an Indio. At the end of her speech, she was already holding something supposedly she was and she said,
"I'm irresistible."
Holy virgins. Where in high heavens did that epic GG speech descended from?
It was March 20, Friday, and it was the last day of our English class for the whole semester. Shit. I'm going to miss the goddamn class, and I swear it was the most significant class I ever had. We were only tasked to drop by the classroom to submit our final requirement and check our class standings.
My final paper was all about Bianca. The final requirement was simply a storyboard about anything in your life, possibly a defining moment or something of the same banana. After I submitted mine, I waited for Bianca because she was just next in line. She had to leave immediately though to cram up for her Science orals. I remembered giving her ideas the night before so that she could construct more arguments for that orals.
5:30 pm when she passed by in front of the benches just outside the cafeteria. I was hanging out with Kris and Jeimi when we saw her and so we called her attention. She sat with us for not more than 5 minutes because her driver was already waiting at Xavier hall. I walked her there and we were both silent for some odd reason.
Actually, if I am to list down every event that both of us were in, it would require me to shit a load of a dump truck. It's a goddamn hell lot although I enjoy doing it mentally.
Doing it is much more enjoyable while having Chicken Hainanese with Milk Tea for lunch.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Chicken Hainanese is a trip down memory lane.
I remembered the Friday of March 13, exactly a month after I gave Bianca her Valentine's package, when she invited me for lunch. I planned on bringing Kris and Jeimi along and we all ate out at the bleachers near SOM Mall. We reserved this specific spot under the shade of a tree where we can chill and hang out for lunch.
I met up with Jeimi first and then walked with her to Bellarmine Hall to meet up with Kris to wait for him to finish his history class. And then we were off to meet up with Bianca.
Of course I was always in the spirit of Christmas and so I asked Bianca to kindly sit down for a while so that I'd order 'my meal' (when in fact I was planning on ordering our meals). I lined up at the Buddha Bean Cafe and placed two orders of Chicken Hainanese Combo with Milk Tea. After 5 minutes of waiting in line I got our food and I sat down with her.
Chicken Hainanese is euphoria. Everytime I smell its invigorating aroma even if it's not around or not even close to my nose, I instantly get hungry. And when I get hungry I tend to think of Bianca.
"Seriously, I'm fat," she started when we were eating our Chicken Hainanese meals.
"Who told you?"
"Me."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am!"
"So, you're not believing me..."
"I believe you, but--"
"End of story."
That was why she did not finish up her meal. She told me she was getting too fat when she's not and that she was really really full with these,
Food log:
1/2 cup Rice
2 pcs. Fried Siomai
1 serving of Chicken Hainanese (approx. 200 g)
1 glass of Milk Tea
I was able to consume almost twice her 'maximum capacity' in 2 minutes that I could have another order down my stomach. Damn Chicken Hainanese, why does it have to be so tasty? Well, it's only enjoyable when you eat it with company - more enjoyable with Bianca of course. Not only did I enjoy smelling my goddamn favorite Buddha Bean Cafe value meal at the time, I also got to witness my one true love eat my most loved SOM Mall food. That's two loves for me.
And when I was watching her, I remembered the uncountable times we were together, or just the times where she was the spotlight of my attention..
There was our first English class for the second semester and as a tradition each of us has to introduce him or herself in front of the class and say something special or unique. My attention automatically focused on the petite girl who sat by the door whose name I didn't know yet.
"Good afternoon everyone! I'm Bianca and you can call me, uhm, Bianca hahaha, and I'm taking up Communications... Uhm, talents, hmmm... I sing... But only in the shower," she told the class with her killer GG smile. Why does it have to be so beautiful? I was mesmerized when Mrs. Oblepias suddenly cut in-
"You sing? Sample. Oh wait... You have to be naked when you do that. So I suppose you should sing only in the shower."
Everyone was laughing, but Bianca... She was paradise personified. Oh my fucking gahd she was really beautiful when she laughed that whenever the memory returns to me I could easily collapse any time.
I also remembered this one November rain. I was crossing the EDSA walk from Kostka hall because my history class just finished. I was hating the weather back then, but when I was about to turn towards the direction of Gonzaga hall I saw a familiar face walking up to me. It was Bianca. Well, she was looking away as I was approaching so I waved in a little 'hi' to spark a little chat. As far as I can remember, she was on a sleeveless and a skirt. Dropdead gorgeous if you ask me.
"Hey Bianca."
"Oh, hi Mike."
"Finished with the assigned readings for today's History graded recitation?"
"What!? No one told me there was a graded recitation!"
"Oh."
She raised her hardbound notebook and gently pushed me with it while laughing. I think she thought I was not serious. Well, I was. I just did not tell her I flunked my first fucking graded recitation for the semester. I bid her good luck though when we parted ways. It made my fucking day.
There's also a cute incident in my memory that so reminded me of her. It was our first Eastwood trip. Kris, Jeimi, and I were walking to her place, but when we were in front of her condominium already, she offered to walk us back. It sounded pointless so we asked why.
"I'm stronggg!" she responded with a soft laugh while flexing both her biceps. Fucking cute. Cute enough to melt my balls again and again, and again.
There's a much cute incident than that. It was February 27 and she was wearing the same attire she did on February 18 I think. It was an English class and each of us had to go up front and bring something that we're not, well, something that does not show our qualities and whatnot, and explain.
Bianca brought this bar of dark chocolate and explained she wasn't a dark chocolate simply because of her complexion. SORRYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm an Indio. At the end of her speech, she was already holding something supposedly she was and she said,
"I'm irresistible."
Holy virgins. Where in high heavens did that epic GG speech descended from?
It was March 20, Friday, and it was the last day of our English class for the whole semester. Shit. I'm going to miss the goddamn class, and I swear it was the most significant class I ever had. We were only tasked to drop by the classroom to submit our final requirement and check our class standings.
My final paper was all about Bianca. The final requirement was simply a storyboard about anything in your life, possibly a defining moment or something of the same banana. After I submitted mine, I waited for Bianca because she was just next in line. She had to leave immediately though to cram up for her Science orals. I remembered giving her ideas the night before so that she could construct more arguments for that orals.
5:30 pm when she passed by in front of the benches just outside the cafeteria. I was hanging out with Kris and Jeimi when we saw her and so we called her attention. She sat with us for not more than 5 minutes because her driver was already waiting at Xavier hall. I walked her there and we were both silent for some odd reason.
Actually, if I am to list down every event that both of us were in, it would require me to shit a load of a dump truck. It's a goddamn hell lot although I enjoy doing it mentally.
Doing it is much more enjoyable while having Chicken Hainanese with Milk Tea for lunch.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Friday, April 17, 2009
Chapter 16: Labyrinth
I've been drinking until April 8. It was the holy week so I had to cut my happiness by Holy Wednesday. I haven't talked to Bianca since the Monday before and I was out of my balls and wits. That's when I realized I couldn't last any longer without her. But still, I stood my ground - arrogant I was, I wanted to see if she'd really talk to me first. I didn't know I was crucifying my fucking ass.
By the evening of the Maundy Thursday, 9th of April 2009, things were worse. It was Chantal's birthday that day and she was equally sad when I got to talk to her. She was emotional at that point in time so I felt like the whole world's fucking down. What next?
What next? - April 10, 2009. Friday. 11:02 pm.
I found myself in front of a Yahoo! Messenger chat window with a new message from Bianca Arcega. My status was 'DND' (Do Not Disturb, as you may all know) back then since I was writing this story in this blog site, but of course Bianca was an exception. The moment her message window popped up from my desktop screen,
"Busy on a holy week?" she asked.
Bloody heaven and hell that just purged my balls from sadness. OWEITJIOWJDGHIALVJSDJPSAJDNHFIHASLALDFAWFPLMCKBJJKDKSBI. I tried to be as composed as possible and it took me thirty painstaking seconds before I was able to reply.
"Uhh kinda." I didn't tell her I was writing this story. "The stat's DND by the way because I'm hiding from someone," I continued.
She asked me to update her. I gladly did as was evident from my Message Archive. We've been chatting, and sharing, and bonding, and fishing. Yes. Girls fish without them knowing it, you know.
"Have you heard of my best pick-up line?" I asked her.
"Try me."
"Actually I don't have one since you're not here by my side... You bring out the best in me," Fucking retarded and lame.
"Mine's better."
"Oh, go ahead."
"Do you know who the second most handsome guy is here on earth?"
"Who?"
"You... Do you know who the most handsome is?"
"Who?"
"You... When you smile."
I fucking smiled the moment I read the message. She got me there. That was fucking brilliant. She went on,
"You know, it's really better if you say it personally. You really see the person smile."
Ok so God drummed my balls and I was defeated in the battle of pick-up lines. We've delved on cheesier stuff as the talk went on though. I missed her company, really, that was why I took the opportunity and maximized every second of the Y!M conversation as I eagerly responded to every message of hers.
"I can imagine, you're red right now," she told me.
"Me? No. Maybe kilig... Kidding. Haha." Kilig is that sudden rush when one is immediately placed in a situation that's all too romantic or whatever of the same shit.
"Really? As in no tingy feeling?" she pressed on.
"Well, it happens when I pee... Specifically when I'm almost done."
":-| Too much info, Mike."
The conversation crossed over midnight as always. She opened a little about her previous crush, which definitely saddened her yet again, and I wasn't able to alter the course of the talk as soon as possible. So I just told her about my plans of shifting to the University of the Philippines to change the topic.
"If you're in UP already, you might forget us..." she told me.
"What!? Why?"
"For some reason. :))"
"Give me a specific reason."
"I don't know. Haha. Anything can happen."
"What could that 'anything' be?"
"New friends? New life? I don't know."
"New love?" I pitched in. "Nah, it won't happen. It'd always be you."
"Haha don't say that. :-P"
"Why?"
"Simply because anything can happen."
"I won't forget about you. You'll know why, soon. :->"
"What's behind that smug?"
"Surprise, surprise, expect one from the clown."
What she didn't know at that time was that this story I've been writing was the surprise. This would always remind me of her, and in turn, remind her of me. I moved the drama aside though since the following messages after those were pretty much comedic and entertaining. Eventually, we've been answering Facebook quizzes at the same time.
"Hey, I just answered this 'What kind of Atenean chick do you like?' Facebook quiz," I told her.
":))"
"Result: BIANCA... BIANCA ARCEGA."
"WEH! There's nothing of the like!" That was a cute of her.
My dear Facebook... If it wasn't for that social networking site I would not have gotten the chance to apply for Bianca Online Communications and take up the course BA Love. I assume you know what BA stands for by the way.
"OMG what's this!?" she messaged me after a short while.
"Why, what's up?"
"I answered this 'What kind of guys do you attract?' quiz and the result is: Creeper!"
The Facebook Quiz said something like this:
creepers=Girl! You are just too nice, and your helpfulness is misunderstood as being interested. He is usually an older, oily man who, at the first sign of attention from anyone, misconstrues it as love. Get them away by not being nice to whoever you meet! However, if you like them... then just stay on the course and they will keep coming to/after you.
"So I'm a creeper, huh?"
"HAHA!"
The conversation still went on until 1:40 am and that's when her DSL fucked up. It was the last time I talked to her over Yahoo! Messenger. Good Friday was over when I slept that morning. Welcome to the Black Saturday, Mike.
After the holy week, I've arranged my school shit. I did all of these on the Monday after Easter Sunday - I followed up my order for my transcript of records and transfer credentials (which I paid back just the Holy Monday) and I acquired an application form from UP with the aid of Chantal. The following days, I've been hanging around Ateneo since people were already having their summer classes and I wanted to see them around.
Bianca didn't have summer classes.
The Friday of that week, Chantal asked Rups to go to TechnoHub and eat at Flapjacks. Rups of course hired me for reasons only the two of us knew. And for 'success' purposes I dragged Kris along. I bribed him of the One-Peso Pancake offer/promo of Flapjacks.
It was 2 pm. The three of us came at Flapjacks first and we were already having our meals and bottomless iced teas. Chantal caught up in 30 minutes time and Rups was happy. Well I think Chantal was happier. I don't know.
That afternoon, I realized that I haven't talked to Bianca for a week. Well I'm conscious that I haven't been communicating with her lately because I wanted to - I wanted to distance myself from her and see what life would be if there was no Bianca - I survived, well in a poor state of survival though - and I haven't noticed that it was already a goddamn week's time. Shit.
So Chantal bought me a Sun Cellular sim card for me to be able to easily converge with Bianca's Sun Cellular line. It was 3 pm when I texted her,
"Hi Bianca. How much would the ransom be if I kidnap you? - Kidnapper."
She didn't reply. I texted her the same message, but still, there was no reply. I changed my mind and blowed up the cover of the anonymous cellphone number,
"Kidding! Mike here :D"
There was an immediate response, a seriously immediate text message, to my inbox.
"Crazy! Haha! There's no ransom if you kidnap me :-P"
JOPEGHEOFJEOHFIEOAWFLAPMLCEKHGFEILGHL.
That Friday evening I was drinking with a few high school classmates and Chantal at Richie's place. I think I've been calling Bianca every 30 minutes because I was fly and high. I couldn't remember well what we've been talking over the phone until 2 or 3 am in the morning, until I was on my way home, and eventually, home.
But I'm certain of one thing: I told her I love her.
Life was a labyrinth. I didn't know where my heart and my mind were going. I didn't know where my mortality was walking into, or where my soul was dwelling into. But still, there was no way out of my masterful, shitful situation.
No fucking way out... But Bianca.
Gotta love life's labyrinths.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
By the evening of the Maundy Thursday, 9th of April 2009, things were worse. It was Chantal's birthday that day and she was equally sad when I got to talk to her. She was emotional at that point in time so I felt like the whole world's fucking down. What next?
What next? - April 10, 2009. Friday. 11:02 pm.
I found myself in front of a Yahoo! Messenger chat window with a new message from Bianca Arcega. My status was 'DND' (Do Not Disturb, as you may all know) back then since I was writing this story in this blog site, but of course Bianca was an exception. The moment her message window popped up from my desktop screen,
"Busy on a holy week?" she asked.
Bloody heaven and hell that just purged my balls from sadness. OWEITJIOWJDGHIALVJSDJPSAJDNHFIHASLALDFAWFPLMCKBJJKDKSBI. I tried to be as composed as possible and it took me thirty painstaking seconds before I was able to reply.
"Uhh kinda." I didn't tell her I was writing this story. "The stat's DND by the way because I'm hiding from someone," I continued.
She asked me to update her. I gladly did as was evident from my Message Archive. We've been chatting, and sharing, and bonding, and fishing. Yes. Girls fish without them knowing it, you know.
"Have you heard of my best pick-up line?" I asked her.
"Try me."
"Actually I don't have one since you're not here by my side... You bring out the best in me," Fucking retarded and lame.
"Mine's better."
"Oh, go ahead."
"Do you know who the second most handsome guy is here on earth?"
"Who?"
"You... Do you know who the most handsome is?"
"Who?"
"You... When you smile."
I fucking smiled the moment I read the message. She got me there. That was fucking brilliant. She went on,
"You know, it's really better if you say it personally. You really see the person smile."
Ok so God drummed my balls and I was defeated in the battle of pick-up lines. We've delved on cheesier stuff as the talk went on though. I missed her company, really, that was why I took the opportunity and maximized every second of the Y!M conversation as I eagerly responded to every message of hers.
"I can imagine, you're red right now," she told me.
"Me? No. Maybe kilig... Kidding. Haha." Kilig is that sudden rush when one is immediately placed in a situation that's all too romantic or whatever of the same shit.
"Really? As in no tingy feeling?" she pressed on.
"Well, it happens when I pee... Specifically when I'm almost done."
":-| Too much info, Mike."
The conversation crossed over midnight as always. She opened a little about her previous crush, which definitely saddened her yet again, and I wasn't able to alter the course of the talk as soon as possible. So I just told her about my plans of shifting to the University of the Philippines to change the topic.
"If you're in UP already, you might forget us..." she told me.
"What!? Why?"
"For some reason. :))"
"Give me a specific reason."
"I don't know. Haha. Anything can happen."
"What could that 'anything' be?"
"New friends? New life? I don't know."
"New love?" I pitched in. "Nah, it won't happen. It'd always be you."
"Haha don't say that. :-P"
"Why?"
"Simply because anything can happen."
"I won't forget about you. You'll know why, soon. :->"
"What's behind that smug?"
"Surprise, surprise, expect one from the clown."
What she didn't know at that time was that this story I've been writing was the surprise. This would always remind me of her, and in turn, remind her of me. I moved the drama aside though since the following messages after those were pretty much comedic and entertaining. Eventually, we've been answering Facebook quizzes at the same time.
"Hey, I just answered this 'What kind of Atenean chick do you like?' Facebook quiz," I told her.
":))"
"Result: BIANCA... BIANCA ARCEGA."
"WEH! There's nothing of the like!" That was a cute of her.
My dear Facebook... If it wasn't for that social networking site I would not have gotten the chance to apply for Bianca Online Communications and take up the course BA Love. I assume you know what BA stands for by the way.
"OMG what's this!?" she messaged me after a short while.
"Why, what's up?"
"I answered this 'What kind of guys do you attract?' quiz and the result is: Creeper!"
The Facebook Quiz said something like this:
creepers=Girl! You are just too nice, and your helpfulness is misunderstood as being interested. He is usually an older, oily man who, at the first sign of attention from anyone, misconstrues it as love. Get them away by not being nice to whoever you meet! However, if you like them... then just stay on the course and they will keep coming to/after you.
"So I'm a creeper, huh?"
"HAHA!"
The conversation still went on until 1:40 am and that's when her DSL fucked up. It was the last time I talked to her over Yahoo! Messenger. Good Friday was over when I slept that morning. Welcome to the Black Saturday, Mike.
After the holy week, I've arranged my school shit. I did all of these on the Monday after Easter Sunday - I followed up my order for my transcript of records and transfer credentials (which I paid back just the Holy Monday) and I acquired an application form from UP with the aid of Chantal. The following days, I've been hanging around Ateneo since people were already having their summer classes and I wanted to see them around.
Bianca didn't have summer classes.
The Friday of that week, Chantal asked Rups to go to TechnoHub and eat at Flapjacks. Rups of course hired me for reasons only the two of us knew. And for 'success' purposes I dragged Kris along. I bribed him of the One-Peso Pancake offer/promo of Flapjacks.
It was 2 pm. The three of us came at Flapjacks first and we were already having our meals and bottomless iced teas. Chantal caught up in 30 minutes time and Rups was happy. Well I think Chantal was happier. I don't know.
That afternoon, I realized that I haven't talked to Bianca for a week. Well I'm conscious that I haven't been communicating with her lately because I wanted to - I wanted to distance myself from her and see what life would be if there was no Bianca - I survived, well in a poor state of survival though - and I haven't noticed that it was already a goddamn week's time. Shit.
So Chantal bought me a Sun Cellular sim card for me to be able to easily converge with Bianca's Sun Cellular line. It was 3 pm when I texted her,
"Hi Bianca. How much would the ransom be if I kidnap you? - Kidnapper."
She didn't reply. I texted her the same message, but still, there was no reply. I changed my mind and blowed up the cover of the anonymous cellphone number,
"Kidding! Mike here :D"
There was an immediate response, a seriously immediate text message, to my inbox.
"Crazy! Haha! There's no ransom if you kidnap me :-P"
JOPEGHEOFJEOHFIEOAWFLAPMLCEKHGFEILGHL.
That Friday evening I was drinking with a few high school classmates and Chantal at Richie's place. I think I've been calling Bianca every 30 minutes because I was fly and high. I couldn't remember well what we've been talking over the phone until 2 or 3 am in the morning, until I was on my way home, and eventually, home.
But I'm certain of one thing: I told her I love her.
Life was a labyrinth. I didn't know where my heart and my mind were going. I didn't know where my mortality was walking into, or where my soul was dwelling into. But still, there was no way out of my masterful, shitful situation.
No fucking way out... But Bianca.
Gotta love life's labyrinths.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Chapter 15: Mathematics 69 And 0
Wait, I almost flunked Algebra and I've flunked Calculus before. What do I know about Math then? I'm not a Math whiz to tell the truth. But I have a fair share of epiphanies that made me appreciate Mathematics all the more.
Anyway, I have done several calculations and taken numerous steps to prove if X raised to 69 existed, and it's driving me nuts. Seriously, Einstein nor Newton nor Leibnitz wouldn't do such a thing. An asshole I am though, I tried to see some aspects of life in a Mathematical perspective.
Ma69 is a Mathematics course that will never be taken in any university because it is inexistent, or in technical terms, oblique.
Why?
The number 69, when written with mortal hands, produce two imperfect digits that form a perfect number. How does that happen?
69 is the number of love. Don't get me wrong. 69 is the perfect number that would exemplify what love is. Each digit is a reciprocation of the other, just like man and woman. Each digit fills the emptiness of the other, or that each digit would satisfy what the other needs - a perfect compliment to one another which totally binds a partnership altogether, making the two digits inseparable, and thus called a 'number.'
A number is a relationship in itself. Each number has a certain value: the more it moves away from 0 in the number line towards infinity, the greater is its appraisal value - as best exemplified by money and property. This is how everything is quantified and valued. Love however is infinite in value and thus can never be measured and quantified by any means.
This is the focal point of doing the course Mathematics 69. It is the effort of trying to grasp certain subjects and ideas that could not be systematically explained in any manner nor perfectly organized and well-delivered in any speech - and in this particular case, love.
Mathematics 69 is stupidity. There are no materials needed in this course but your heart. There are no equations needed but a number, 69.
Love is oblique, indeterminate and undefined, but it exists - which all in all transgresses the ideals of Mathematics.
Ideals?
Love is more than those. Love is unpredictable even with the aid of mathematical computations, graphs and projections. Love has no pattern, no percentage, no numerator nor denominator, no common factor, no divisor, no dividend, and no formula. Love has no derivatives and anti-derivatives, it has no roots and squares, and has no functions.
It has a solution though.
There's just you and your partner. The rest is history. That's the solution - and yes, it is indefinite.
In short, love is Bianca.
You didn't see that coming, did you? That Bianca line was the first thought that entered my mind when I was about to start this chapter. I just had to develop it creatively. So you may ask,where did that fucking idea come from?
From my heart. Ok that was random.
Unfortunately, Math has no heart. It does not give you the understanding, rather, it would require you to max out your understanding to comprehend its fundamental and core knowledge. It is very much possible to grasp the beauty and meaning of Math but it takes great effort.
But Bianca?
Well, from a guy's point of view, women can never be understood. You'll just have to accept, appreciate, and love them. That's the end of it, else you'll get your curious nose right under the boots of trouble. Women are the hardest to understand on this earth and it takes great perseverance to last the ordeal. That's a perk of taking the course Mathematics 69.1 - understanding the digit 6 and the digit 9, or the other way around.
Unfortunately too, the realities of Mathematics 69 just don't apply if the number 69 isn't put into real life action. Think of it this way: the number 69 wouldn't be easy. It will never exist until a relationship is a two-way one. A one-way relationship is futile, or in simple terms, stupid, since it would not be love at all. And lastly, it would not really be a 69.
Unfortunately too for that matter, the ideal ugliness of the situation will not apply to me. I don't really care to whatever may happen. All I know is that I'm sure of what I am feeling and I am definitely going for it.
But, there's a harder Mathematics course than Mathematics 69. It is Mathematics 0. It is the Math of understanding one's self, which is completely impossible. The self can never be understood. That's a law and a truth, a reality.
Mathematics 0 is one big problem. There are three variables: your mortal body, your incapable thinking, and your temporal existence.
Basically, the problem gives you a piece of shit, which is you, from the three given variables. Now, the challenge in solving this hard-level problem is knowing how to make the given shit significant.
Solution:
1.) The mortal body is bound by time. It may be exterminated and extinguished in the course of,
2.) Its existence - which binds the edge of its mortality to the scythe of death, that is why,
3.) The weak thinking keeps on boggling itself what to do in the expanse of its history on this,
4.) Temporal salvation. This state requires human will to push through a nirvana in order to,
5.) Redeem itself and free itself from the bounds of mortality and reality.
Final answer:
'Shit.'
The given shit has no real value. However, that shit is given value by another. Each piece of shit is valuable after all.
Mathematics 0 is life. Life is one big hole. Fuck it. Nah, I'm just confused as of this time. I just didn't know what to do.
Enough of Math. What's with it?
I owe Math a big deal. When I flunked my Mathematics 19 (Calculus) during the second semester of my freshman year, I was really fucked up because I had to take the goddamn subject again for the first semester of my sophomore year. Through this, I had several of my core subjects and my individual program of study delayed.
And through this, I had my English 12 course delayed.
And through this, I met Bianca.
No fucking regrets for me. Math my ass. Even the greatest of Mathematicians won't be able to calculate the direction of my goddamn lucky fate.
Still, fuck Math. It does not have the solutions for everything.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Anyway, I have done several calculations and taken numerous steps to prove if X raised to 69 existed, and it's driving me nuts. Seriously, Einstein nor Newton nor Leibnitz wouldn't do such a thing. An asshole I am though, I tried to see some aspects of life in a Mathematical perspective.
Ma69 is a Mathematics course that will never be taken in any university because it is inexistent, or in technical terms, oblique.
Why?
The number 69, when written with mortal hands, produce two imperfect digits that form a perfect number. How does that happen?
69 is the number of love. Don't get me wrong. 69 is the perfect number that would exemplify what love is. Each digit is a reciprocation of the other, just like man and woman. Each digit fills the emptiness of the other, or that each digit would satisfy what the other needs - a perfect compliment to one another which totally binds a partnership altogether, making the two digits inseparable, and thus called a 'number.'
A number is a relationship in itself. Each number has a certain value: the more it moves away from 0 in the number line towards infinity, the greater is its appraisal value - as best exemplified by money and property. This is how everything is quantified and valued. Love however is infinite in value and thus can never be measured and quantified by any means.
This is the focal point of doing the course Mathematics 69. It is the effort of trying to grasp certain subjects and ideas that could not be systematically explained in any manner nor perfectly organized and well-delivered in any speech - and in this particular case, love.
Mathematics 69 is stupidity. There are no materials needed in this course but your heart. There are no equations needed but a number, 69.
Love is oblique, indeterminate and undefined, but it exists - which all in all transgresses the ideals of Mathematics.
Ideals?
Love is more than those. Love is unpredictable even with the aid of mathematical computations, graphs and projections. Love has no pattern, no percentage, no numerator nor denominator, no common factor, no divisor, no dividend, and no formula. Love has no derivatives and anti-derivatives, it has no roots and squares, and has no functions.
It has a solution though.
There's just you and your partner. The rest is history. That's the solution - and yes, it is indefinite.
In short, love is Bianca.
You didn't see that coming, did you? That Bianca line was the first thought that entered my mind when I was about to start this chapter. I just had to develop it creatively. So you may ask,where did that fucking idea come from?
From my heart. Ok that was random.
Unfortunately, Math has no heart. It does not give you the understanding, rather, it would require you to max out your understanding to comprehend its fundamental and core knowledge. It is very much possible to grasp the beauty and meaning of Math but it takes great effort.
But Bianca?
Well, from a guy's point of view, women can never be understood. You'll just have to accept, appreciate, and love them. That's the end of it, else you'll get your curious nose right under the boots of trouble. Women are the hardest to understand on this earth and it takes great perseverance to last the ordeal. That's a perk of taking the course Mathematics 69.1 - understanding the digit 6 and the digit 9, or the other way around.
Unfortunately too, the realities of Mathematics 69 just don't apply if the number 69 isn't put into real life action. Think of it this way: the number 69 wouldn't be easy. It will never exist until a relationship is a two-way one. A one-way relationship is futile, or in simple terms, stupid, since it would not be love at all. And lastly, it would not really be a 69.
Unfortunately too for that matter, the ideal ugliness of the situation will not apply to me. I don't really care to whatever may happen. All I know is that I'm sure of what I am feeling and I am definitely going for it.
But, there's a harder Mathematics course than Mathematics 69. It is Mathematics 0. It is the Math of understanding one's self, which is completely impossible. The self can never be understood. That's a law and a truth, a reality.
Mathematics 0 is one big problem. There are three variables: your mortal body, your incapable thinking, and your temporal existence.
Basically, the problem gives you a piece of shit, which is you, from the three given variables. Now, the challenge in solving this hard-level problem is knowing how to make the given shit significant.
Solution:
1.) The mortal body is bound by time. It may be exterminated and extinguished in the course of,
2.) Its existence - which binds the edge of its mortality to the scythe of death, that is why,
3.) The weak thinking keeps on boggling itself what to do in the expanse of its history on this,
4.) Temporal salvation. This state requires human will to push through a nirvana in order to,
5.) Redeem itself and free itself from the bounds of mortality and reality.
Final answer:
'Shit.'
The given shit has no real value. However, that shit is given value by another. Each piece of shit is valuable after all.
Mathematics 0 is life. Life is one big hole. Fuck it. Nah, I'm just confused as of this time. I just didn't know what to do.
Enough of Math. What's with it?
I owe Math a big deal. When I flunked my Mathematics 19 (Calculus) during the second semester of my freshman year, I was really fucked up because I had to take the goddamn subject again for the first semester of my sophomore year. Through this, I had several of my core subjects and my individual program of study delayed.
And through this, I had my English 12 course delayed.
And through this, I met Bianca.
No fucking regrets for me. Math my ass. Even the greatest of Mathematicians won't be able to calculate the direction of my goddamn lucky fate.
Still, fuck Math. It does not have the solutions for everything.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
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