April 29, 2009, Wednesday - the day this chapter was made.
I returned to Ateneo to acquire my delayed transcript of records. The registrar's office told me last Friday that I could get my transcript by the following Monday since they'd be editing an entry on the printed copy that wasn't supposed to be there. However, their promise didn't seem to be coming any real than Edward Cullen so I tried to follow up the whole shit.
I arrived at 11:30 and passed by the cafeteria. I saw some of my ex-block mates there and I hung out with them for an hour, telling them the progress of my application in the University of the Philippines and how my life has been so far since I got kicked out. It was a good talk with the block guys and gals before I decided to pass by the AMP bench and see how the people there have been doing.
I had lunch with Brian, JP, and Ralph Aguinaldo (a different Ralph). Of course, I ordered my favorite Chicken Hainanese from Buddha Bean Cafe and sat down at the AMP bench with the AMP people. It was more or less a noise party and a happiness session, including a sexy time with JP as we always did, before I left and went to the registrar's office to comply with my agenda for the day.
Just when I was crossing the red brick road in front of the Rizal Library on my way to the SocSci building where the registrar's office is, I saw Vince carrying a load of books he just borrowed. Long time no see buddy! I asked him if he was free, and he was, so I hung out with him for almost an hour. I owed him too many stories that's why it took me that long to tell at least half of them - including the tale of Mike and Bianca.
Well of course I started out the conversation with the usual greetings, asking the latest happenings, good and bad shit, what life is so far, and so on and so forth. Eventually the conversation flowed into my goddamn story from the very beginning and Vince seemed to be taken away by the ups and downs of certain uncertainties I've encountered in my second semester at the Ateneo.
We had a name for it: BV.
I was able to get the two copies of the transcript of records I ordered after hanging out with Vince. I left Ateneo in a short while with Brian to go to UP and meet Chantal. I needed company to check on the processing of my application to the courses I've chosen. We went back to Katipunan in 30 minutes time and we ate at McDonald's.
As I was walking back to my table from the counter after having my second order, I saw Mikko on a table together with some of his friends. I dropped a hello and had a little talk with him about what's been going on with me lately.
When I was about to leave McDonald's I texted Mikko where he was and he said he'd be leaving more or less the time I'd be leaving the place.
The best part of the day is, I was able to hitch a ride to Marcos highway... Mikko's ride. It can't get any better than that.
Out of McDonald's I was and it was a rampant flow of stories out of my mouth. Mikko seemed to be enjoying my story as well but much better than Vince did. I told him everything I could, considering that Marcos highway isn't that far from Katipunan.
In the middle of the conversation, Mikko, while driving, suddenly slammed both of his hands into the steering wheel. Then, he looked at me with a serious face and then looked away again.
"Mike, damn, your whole story... It's just fucking beautiful."
We've been talking about first loves, but he kept his side in cover so I respected that because I knew he must be bearing some painful memory. It was only me telling my whole story then. And Mikko kept on stressing,
"Man, I didn't expect this. I still remember those days when we only had like two or three English classes and I was even doubting if you were serious with Bianca or not. Most times I saw you down dude, but still you're hanging on, and look at it now! You're on the way, Mike. The whole story's fucking beautiful."
Of all the words, he chose 'beautiful.' He could've opted to use 'awesome,' or even 'great,' or just 'cool,' but no. And when I looked at it, my story's a good one after all. It isn't all too cheesy or generic, nor out of the box or super special. It's simply beautiful. And It's what I've been thinking about for the past month. I mean, the whole second semester of my life was just epic and unforgettable.
But, what now?
I don't have any fucking idea.
Vince and Mikko in one single day - a coincidental rendezvous. It was something that was not part of the plan, but then, fate seemed to play on me.
Well it played on me from the very beginning.
I'll play along.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Chapter 17: Chicken Hainanese
I had several Ateneo visits during the month of April because I kept on following up my transactions with the registrar's office and I have to say that their system is fail... Sort of. Good thing my Ateneo friends were always around whenever my situation ticks me off. I always had lunch with them at SOM Mall, a cafeteria a little walk from SEC walk where students could try out venturing into business by selling food.
Chicken Hainanese is a trip down memory lane.
I remembered the Friday of March 13, exactly a month after I gave Bianca her Valentine's package, when she invited me for lunch. I planned on bringing Kris and Jeimi along and we all ate out at the bleachers near SOM Mall. We reserved this specific spot under the shade of a tree where we can chill and hang out for lunch.
I met up with Jeimi first and then walked with her to Bellarmine Hall to meet up with Kris to wait for him to finish his history class. And then we were off to meet up with Bianca.
Of course I was always in the spirit of Christmas and so I asked Bianca to kindly sit down for a while so that I'd order 'my meal' (when in fact I was planning on ordering our meals). I lined up at the Buddha Bean Cafe and placed two orders of Chicken Hainanese Combo with Milk Tea. After 5 minutes of waiting in line I got our food and I sat down with her.
Chicken Hainanese is euphoria. Everytime I smell its invigorating aroma even if it's not around or not even close to my nose, I instantly get hungry. And when I get hungry I tend to think of Bianca.
"Seriously, I'm fat," she started when we were eating our Chicken Hainanese meals.
"Who told you?"
"Me."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am!"
"So, you're not believing me..."
"I believe you, but--"
"End of story."
That was why she did not finish up her meal. She told me she was getting too fat when she's not and that she was really really full with these,
Food log:
1/2 cup Rice
2 pcs. Fried Siomai
1 serving of Chicken Hainanese (approx. 200 g)
1 glass of Milk Tea
I was able to consume almost twice her 'maximum capacity' in 2 minutes that I could have another order down my stomach. Damn Chicken Hainanese, why does it have to be so tasty? Well, it's only enjoyable when you eat it with company - more enjoyable with Bianca of course. Not only did I enjoy smelling my goddamn favorite Buddha Bean Cafe value meal at the time, I also got to witness my one true love eat my most loved SOM Mall food. That's two loves for me.
And when I was watching her, I remembered the uncountable times we were together, or just the times where she was the spotlight of my attention..
There was our first English class for the second semester and as a tradition each of us has to introduce him or herself in front of the class and say something special or unique. My attention automatically focused on the petite girl who sat by the door whose name I didn't know yet.
"Good afternoon everyone! I'm Bianca and you can call me, uhm, Bianca hahaha, and I'm taking up Communications... Uhm, talents, hmmm... I sing... But only in the shower," she told the class with her killer GG smile. Why does it have to be so beautiful? I was mesmerized when Mrs. Oblepias suddenly cut in-
"You sing? Sample. Oh wait... You have to be naked when you do that. So I suppose you should sing only in the shower."
Everyone was laughing, but Bianca... She was paradise personified. Oh my fucking gahd she was really beautiful when she laughed that whenever the memory returns to me I could easily collapse any time.
I also remembered this one November rain. I was crossing the EDSA walk from Kostka hall because my history class just finished. I was hating the weather back then, but when I was about to turn towards the direction of Gonzaga hall I saw a familiar face walking up to me. It was Bianca. Well, she was looking away as I was approaching so I waved in a little 'hi' to spark a little chat. As far as I can remember, she was on a sleeveless and a skirt. Dropdead gorgeous if you ask me.
"Hey Bianca."
"Oh, hi Mike."
"Finished with the assigned readings for today's History graded recitation?"
"What!? No one told me there was a graded recitation!"
"Oh."
She raised her hardbound notebook and gently pushed me with it while laughing. I think she thought I was not serious. Well, I was. I just did not tell her I flunked my first fucking graded recitation for the semester. I bid her good luck though when we parted ways. It made my fucking day.
There's also a cute incident in my memory that so reminded me of her. It was our first Eastwood trip. Kris, Jeimi, and I were walking to her place, but when we were in front of her condominium already, she offered to walk us back. It sounded pointless so we asked why.
"I'm stronggg!" she responded with a soft laugh while flexing both her biceps. Fucking cute. Cute enough to melt my balls again and again, and again.
There's a much cute incident than that. It was February 27 and she was wearing the same attire she did on February 18 I think. It was an English class and each of us had to go up front and bring something that we're not, well, something that does not show our qualities and whatnot, and explain.
Bianca brought this bar of dark chocolate and explained she wasn't a dark chocolate simply because of her complexion. SORRYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm an Indio. At the end of her speech, she was already holding something supposedly she was and she said,
"I'm irresistible."
Holy virgins. Where in high heavens did that epic GG speech descended from?
It was March 20, Friday, and it was the last day of our English class for the whole semester. Shit. I'm going to miss the goddamn class, and I swear it was the most significant class I ever had. We were only tasked to drop by the classroom to submit our final requirement and check our class standings.
My final paper was all about Bianca. The final requirement was simply a storyboard about anything in your life, possibly a defining moment or something of the same banana. After I submitted mine, I waited for Bianca because she was just next in line. She had to leave immediately though to cram up for her Science orals. I remembered giving her ideas the night before so that she could construct more arguments for that orals.
5:30 pm when she passed by in front of the benches just outside the cafeteria. I was hanging out with Kris and Jeimi when we saw her and so we called her attention. She sat with us for not more than 5 minutes because her driver was already waiting at Xavier hall. I walked her there and we were both silent for some odd reason.
Actually, if I am to list down every event that both of us were in, it would require me to shit a load of a dump truck. It's a goddamn hell lot although I enjoy doing it mentally.
Doing it is much more enjoyable while having Chicken Hainanese with Milk Tea for lunch.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Chicken Hainanese is a trip down memory lane.
I remembered the Friday of March 13, exactly a month after I gave Bianca her Valentine's package, when she invited me for lunch. I planned on bringing Kris and Jeimi along and we all ate out at the bleachers near SOM Mall. We reserved this specific spot under the shade of a tree where we can chill and hang out for lunch.
I met up with Jeimi first and then walked with her to Bellarmine Hall to meet up with Kris to wait for him to finish his history class. And then we were off to meet up with Bianca.
Of course I was always in the spirit of Christmas and so I asked Bianca to kindly sit down for a while so that I'd order 'my meal' (when in fact I was planning on ordering our meals). I lined up at the Buddha Bean Cafe and placed two orders of Chicken Hainanese Combo with Milk Tea. After 5 minutes of waiting in line I got our food and I sat down with her.
Chicken Hainanese is euphoria. Everytime I smell its invigorating aroma even if it's not around or not even close to my nose, I instantly get hungry. And when I get hungry I tend to think of Bianca.
"Seriously, I'm fat," she started when we were eating our Chicken Hainanese meals.
"Who told you?"
"Me."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am!"
"So, you're not believing me..."
"I believe you, but--"
"End of story."
That was why she did not finish up her meal. She told me she was getting too fat when she's not and that she was really really full with these,
Food log:
1/2 cup Rice
2 pcs. Fried Siomai
1 serving of Chicken Hainanese (approx. 200 g)
1 glass of Milk Tea
I was able to consume almost twice her 'maximum capacity' in 2 minutes that I could have another order down my stomach. Damn Chicken Hainanese, why does it have to be so tasty? Well, it's only enjoyable when you eat it with company - more enjoyable with Bianca of course. Not only did I enjoy smelling my goddamn favorite Buddha Bean Cafe value meal at the time, I also got to witness my one true love eat my most loved SOM Mall food. That's two loves for me.
And when I was watching her, I remembered the uncountable times we were together, or just the times where she was the spotlight of my attention..
There was our first English class for the second semester and as a tradition each of us has to introduce him or herself in front of the class and say something special or unique. My attention automatically focused on the petite girl who sat by the door whose name I didn't know yet.
"Good afternoon everyone! I'm Bianca and you can call me, uhm, Bianca hahaha, and I'm taking up Communications... Uhm, talents, hmmm... I sing... But only in the shower," she told the class with her killer GG smile. Why does it have to be so beautiful? I was mesmerized when Mrs. Oblepias suddenly cut in-
"You sing? Sample. Oh wait... You have to be naked when you do that. So I suppose you should sing only in the shower."
Everyone was laughing, but Bianca... She was paradise personified. Oh my fucking gahd she was really beautiful when she laughed that whenever the memory returns to me I could easily collapse any time.
I also remembered this one November rain. I was crossing the EDSA walk from Kostka hall because my history class just finished. I was hating the weather back then, but when I was about to turn towards the direction of Gonzaga hall I saw a familiar face walking up to me. It was Bianca. Well, she was looking away as I was approaching so I waved in a little 'hi' to spark a little chat. As far as I can remember, she was on a sleeveless and a skirt. Dropdead gorgeous if you ask me.
"Hey Bianca."
"Oh, hi Mike."
"Finished with the assigned readings for today's History graded recitation?"
"What!? No one told me there was a graded recitation!"
"Oh."
She raised her hardbound notebook and gently pushed me with it while laughing. I think she thought I was not serious. Well, I was. I just did not tell her I flunked my first fucking graded recitation for the semester. I bid her good luck though when we parted ways. It made my fucking day.
There's also a cute incident in my memory that so reminded me of her. It was our first Eastwood trip. Kris, Jeimi, and I were walking to her place, but when we were in front of her condominium already, she offered to walk us back. It sounded pointless so we asked why.
"I'm stronggg!" she responded with a soft laugh while flexing both her biceps. Fucking cute. Cute enough to melt my balls again and again, and again.
There's a much cute incident than that. It was February 27 and she was wearing the same attire she did on February 18 I think. It was an English class and each of us had to go up front and bring something that we're not, well, something that does not show our qualities and whatnot, and explain.
Bianca brought this bar of dark chocolate and explained she wasn't a dark chocolate simply because of her complexion. SORRYYYYYYYYYYY. I'm an Indio. At the end of her speech, she was already holding something supposedly she was and she said,
"I'm irresistible."
Holy virgins. Where in high heavens did that epic GG speech descended from?
It was March 20, Friday, and it was the last day of our English class for the whole semester. Shit. I'm going to miss the goddamn class, and I swear it was the most significant class I ever had. We were only tasked to drop by the classroom to submit our final requirement and check our class standings.
My final paper was all about Bianca. The final requirement was simply a storyboard about anything in your life, possibly a defining moment or something of the same banana. After I submitted mine, I waited for Bianca because she was just next in line. She had to leave immediately though to cram up for her Science orals. I remembered giving her ideas the night before so that she could construct more arguments for that orals.
5:30 pm when she passed by in front of the benches just outside the cafeteria. I was hanging out with Kris and Jeimi when we saw her and so we called her attention. She sat with us for not more than 5 minutes because her driver was already waiting at Xavier hall. I walked her there and we were both silent for some odd reason.
Actually, if I am to list down every event that both of us were in, it would require me to shit a load of a dump truck. It's a goddamn hell lot although I enjoy doing it mentally.
Doing it is much more enjoyable while having Chicken Hainanese with Milk Tea for lunch.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Friday, April 17, 2009
Chapter 16: Labyrinth
I've been drinking until April 8. It was the holy week so I had to cut my happiness by Holy Wednesday. I haven't talked to Bianca since the Monday before and I was out of my balls and wits. That's when I realized I couldn't last any longer without her. But still, I stood my ground - arrogant I was, I wanted to see if she'd really talk to me first. I didn't know I was crucifying my fucking ass.
By the evening of the Maundy Thursday, 9th of April 2009, things were worse. It was Chantal's birthday that day and she was equally sad when I got to talk to her. She was emotional at that point in time so I felt like the whole world's fucking down. What next?
What next? - April 10, 2009. Friday. 11:02 pm.
I found myself in front of a Yahoo! Messenger chat window with a new message from Bianca Arcega. My status was 'DND' (Do Not Disturb, as you may all know) back then since I was writing this story in this blog site, but of course Bianca was an exception. The moment her message window popped up from my desktop screen,
"Busy on a holy week?" she asked.
Bloody heaven and hell that just purged my balls from sadness. OWEITJIOWJDGHIALVJSDJPSAJDNHFIHASLALDFAWFPLMCKBJJKDKSBI. I tried to be as composed as possible and it took me thirty painstaking seconds before I was able to reply.
"Uhh kinda." I didn't tell her I was writing this story. "The stat's DND by the way because I'm hiding from someone," I continued.
She asked me to update her. I gladly did as was evident from my Message Archive. We've been chatting, and sharing, and bonding, and fishing. Yes. Girls fish without them knowing it, you know.
"Have you heard of my best pick-up line?" I asked her.
"Try me."
"Actually I don't have one since you're not here by my side... You bring out the best in me," Fucking retarded and lame.
"Mine's better."
"Oh, go ahead."
"Do you know who the second most handsome guy is here on earth?"
"Who?"
"You... Do you know who the most handsome is?"
"Who?"
"You... When you smile."
I fucking smiled the moment I read the message. She got me there. That was fucking brilliant. She went on,
"You know, it's really better if you say it personally. You really see the person smile."
Ok so God drummed my balls and I was defeated in the battle of pick-up lines. We've delved on cheesier stuff as the talk went on though. I missed her company, really, that was why I took the opportunity and maximized every second of the Y!M conversation as I eagerly responded to every message of hers.
"I can imagine, you're red right now," she told me.
"Me? No. Maybe kilig... Kidding. Haha." Kilig is that sudden rush when one is immediately placed in a situation that's all too romantic or whatever of the same shit.
"Really? As in no tingy feeling?" she pressed on.
"Well, it happens when I pee... Specifically when I'm almost done."
":-| Too much info, Mike."
The conversation crossed over midnight as always. She opened a little about her previous crush, which definitely saddened her yet again, and I wasn't able to alter the course of the talk as soon as possible. So I just told her about my plans of shifting to the University of the Philippines to change the topic.
"If you're in UP already, you might forget us..." she told me.
"What!? Why?"
"For some reason. :))"
"Give me a specific reason."
"I don't know. Haha. Anything can happen."
"What could that 'anything' be?"
"New friends? New life? I don't know."
"New love?" I pitched in. "Nah, it won't happen. It'd always be you."
"Haha don't say that. :-P"
"Why?"
"Simply because anything can happen."
"I won't forget about you. You'll know why, soon. :->"
"What's behind that smug?"
"Surprise, surprise, expect one from the clown."
What she didn't know at that time was that this story I've been writing was the surprise. This would always remind me of her, and in turn, remind her of me. I moved the drama aside though since the following messages after those were pretty much comedic and entertaining. Eventually, we've been answering Facebook quizzes at the same time.
"Hey, I just answered this 'What kind of Atenean chick do you like?' Facebook quiz," I told her.
":))"
"Result: BIANCA... BIANCA ARCEGA."
"WEH! There's nothing of the like!" That was a cute of her.
My dear Facebook... If it wasn't for that social networking site I would not have gotten the chance to apply for Bianca Online Communications and take up the course BA Love. I assume you know what BA stands for by the way.
"OMG what's this!?" she messaged me after a short while.
"Why, what's up?"
"I answered this 'What kind of guys do you attract?' quiz and the result is: Creeper!"
The Facebook Quiz said something like this:
creepers=Girl! You are just too nice, and your helpfulness is misunderstood as being interested. He is usually an older, oily man who, at the first sign of attention from anyone, misconstrues it as love. Get them away by not being nice to whoever you meet! However, if you like them... then just stay on the course and they will keep coming to/after you.
"So I'm a creeper, huh?"
"HAHA!"
The conversation still went on until 1:40 am and that's when her DSL fucked up. It was the last time I talked to her over Yahoo! Messenger. Good Friday was over when I slept that morning. Welcome to the Black Saturday, Mike.
After the holy week, I've arranged my school shit. I did all of these on the Monday after Easter Sunday - I followed up my order for my transcript of records and transfer credentials (which I paid back just the Holy Monday) and I acquired an application form from UP with the aid of Chantal. The following days, I've been hanging around Ateneo since people were already having their summer classes and I wanted to see them around.
Bianca didn't have summer classes.
The Friday of that week, Chantal asked Rups to go to TechnoHub and eat at Flapjacks. Rups of course hired me for reasons only the two of us knew. And for 'success' purposes I dragged Kris along. I bribed him of the One-Peso Pancake offer/promo of Flapjacks.
It was 2 pm. The three of us came at Flapjacks first and we were already having our meals and bottomless iced teas. Chantal caught up in 30 minutes time and Rups was happy. Well I think Chantal was happier. I don't know.
That afternoon, I realized that I haven't talked to Bianca for a week. Well I'm conscious that I haven't been communicating with her lately because I wanted to - I wanted to distance myself from her and see what life would be if there was no Bianca - I survived, well in a poor state of survival though - and I haven't noticed that it was already a goddamn week's time. Shit.
So Chantal bought me a Sun Cellular sim card for me to be able to easily converge with Bianca's Sun Cellular line. It was 3 pm when I texted her,
"Hi Bianca. How much would the ransom be if I kidnap you? - Kidnapper."
She didn't reply. I texted her the same message, but still, there was no reply. I changed my mind and blowed up the cover of the anonymous cellphone number,
"Kidding! Mike here :D"
There was an immediate response, a seriously immediate text message, to my inbox.
"Crazy! Haha! There's no ransom if you kidnap me :-P"
JOPEGHEOFJEOHFIEOAWFLAPMLCEKHGFEILGHL.
That Friday evening I was drinking with a few high school classmates and Chantal at Richie's place. I think I've been calling Bianca every 30 minutes because I was fly and high. I couldn't remember well what we've been talking over the phone until 2 or 3 am in the morning, until I was on my way home, and eventually, home.
But I'm certain of one thing: I told her I love her.
Life was a labyrinth. I didn't know where my heart and my mind were going. I didn't know where my mortality was walking into, or where my soul was dwelling into. But still, there was no way out of my masterful, shitful situation.
No fucking way out... But Bianca.
Gotta love life's labyrinths.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
By the evening of the Maundy Thursday, 9th of April 2009, things were worse. It was Chantal's birthday that day and she was equally sad when I got to talk to her. She was emotional at that point in time so I felt like the whole world's fucking down. What next?
What next? - April 10, 2009. Friday. 11:02 pm.
I found myself in front of a Yahoo! Messenger chat window with a new message from Bianca Arcega. My status was 'DND' (Do Not Disturb, as you may all know) back then since I was writing this story in this blog site, but of course Bianca was an exception. The moment her message window popped up from my desktop screen,
"Busy on a holy week?" she asked.
Bloody heaven and hell that just purged my balls from sadness. OWEITJIOWJDGHIALVJSDJPSAJDNHFIHASLALDFAWFPLMCKBJJKDKSBI. I tried to be as composed as possible and it took me thirty painstaking seconds before I was able to reply.
"Uhh kinda." I didn't tell her I was writing this story. "The stat's DND by the way because I'm hiding from someone," I continued.
She asked me to update her. I gladly did as was evident from my Message Archive. We've been chatting, and sharing, and bonding, and fishing. Yes. Girls fish without them knowing it, you know.
"Have you heard of my best pick-up line?" I asked her.
"Try me."
"Actually I don't have one since you're not here by my side... You bring out the best in me," Fucking retarded and lame.
"Mine's better."
"Oh, go ahead."
"Do you know who the second most handsome guy is here on earth?"
"Who?"
"You... Do you know who the most handsome is?"
"Who?"
"You... When you smile."
I fucking smiled the moment I read the message. She got me there. That was fucking brilliant. She went on,
"You know, it's really better if you say it personally. You really see the person smile."
Ok so God drummed my balls and I was defeated in the battle of pick-up lines. We've delved on cheesier stuff as the talk went on though. I missed her company, really, that was why I took the opportunity and maximized every second of the Y!M conversation as I eagerly responded to every message of hers.
"I can imagine, you're red right now," she told me.
"Me? No. Maybe kilig... Kidding. Haha." Kilig is that sudden rush when one is immediately placed in a situation that's all too romantic or whatever of the same shit.
"Really? As in no tingy feeling?" she pressed on.
"Well, it happens when I pee... Specifically when I'm almost done."
":-| Too much info, Mike."
The conversation crossed over midnight as always. She opened a little about her previous crush, which definitely saddened her yet again, and I wasn't able to alter the course of the talk as soon as possible. So I just told her about my plans of shifting to the University of the Philippines to change the topic.
"If you're in UP already, you might forget us..." she told me.
"What!? Why?"
"For some reason. :))"
"Give me a specific reason."
"I don't know. Haha. Anything can happen."
"What could that 'anything' be?"
"New friends? New life? I don't know."
"New love?" I pitched in. "Nah, it won't happen. It'd always be you."
"Haha don't say that. :-P"
"Why?"
"Simply because anything can happen."
"I won't forget about you. You'll know why, soon. :->"
"What's behind that smug?"
"Surprise, surprise, expect one from the clown."
What she didn't know at that time was that this story I've been writing was the surprise. This would always remind me of her, and in turn, remind her of me. I moved the drama aside though since the following messages after those were pretty much comedic and entertaining. Eventually, we've been answering Facebook quizzes at the same time.
"Hey, I just answered this 'What kind of Atenean chick do you like?' Facebook quiz," I told her.
":))"
"Result: BIANCA... BIANCA ARCEGA."
"WEH! There's nothing of the like!" That was a cute of her.
My dear Facebook... If it wasn't for that social networking site I would not have gotten the chance to apply for Bianca Online Communications and take up the course BA Love. I assume you know what BA stands for by the way.
"OMG what's this!?" she messaged me after a short while.
"Why, what's up?"
"I answered this 'What kind of guys do you attract?' quiz and the result is: Creeper!"
The Facebook Quiz said something like this:
creepers=Girl! You are just too nice, and your helpfulness is misunderstood as being interested. He is usually an older, oily man who, at the first sign of attention from anyone, misconstrues it as love. Get them away by not being nice to whoever you meet! However, if you like them... then just stay on the course and they will keep coming to/after you.
"So I'm a creeper, huh?"
"HAHA!"
The conversation still went on until 1:40 am and that's when her DSL fucked up. It was the last time I talked to her over Yahoo! Messenger. Good Friday was over when I slept that morning. Welcome to the Black Saturday, Mike.
After the holy week, I've arranged my school shit. I did all of these on the Monday after Easter Sunday - I followed up my order for my transcript of records and transfer credentials (which I paid back just the Holy Monday) and I acquired an application form from UP with the aid of Chantal. The following days, I've been hanging around Ateneo since people were already having their summer classes and I wanted to see them around.
Bianca didn't have summer classes.
The Friday of that week, Chantal asked Rups to go to TechnoHub and eat at Flapjacks. Rups of course hired me for reasons only the two of us knew. And for 'success' purposes I dragged Kris along. I bribed him of the One-Peso Pancake offer/promo of Flapjacks.
It was 2 pm. The three of us came at Flapjacks first and we were already having our meals and bottomless iced teas. Chantal caught up in 30 minutes time and Rups was happy. Well I think Chantal was happier. I don't know.
That afternoon, I realized that I haven't talked to Bianca for a week. Well I'm conscious that I haven't been communicating with her lately because I wanted to - I wanted to distance myself from her and see what life would be if there was no Bianca - I survived, well in a poor state of survival though - and I haven't noticed that it was already a goddamn week's time. Shit.
So Chantal bought me a Sun Cellular sim card for me to be able to easily converge with Bianca's Sun Cellular line. It was 3 pm when I texted her,
"Hi Bianca. How much would the ransom be if I kidnap you? - Kidnapper."
She didn't reply. I texted her the same message, but still, there was no reply. I changed my mind and blowed up the cover of the anonymous cellphone number,
"Kidding! Mike here :D"
There was an immediate response, a seriously immediate text message, to my inbox.
"Crazy! Haha! There's no ransom if you kidnap me :-P"
JOPEGHEOFJEOHFIEOAWFLAPMLCEKHGFEILGHL.
That Friday evening I was drinking with a few high school classmates and Chantal at Richie's place. I think I've been calling Bianca every 30 minutes because I was fly and high. I couldn't remember well what we've been talking over the phone until 2 or 3 am in the morning, until I was on my way home, and eventually, home.
But I'm certain of one thing: I told her I love her.
Life was a labyrinth. I didn't know where my heart and my mind were going. I didn't know where my mortality was walking into, or where my soul was dwelling into. But still, there was no way out of my masterful, shitful situation.
No fucking way out... But Bianca.
Gotta love life's labyrinths.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Chapter 15: Mathematics 69 And 0
Wait, I almost flunked Algebra and I've flunked Calculus before. What do I know about Math then? I'm not a Math whiz to tell the truth. But I have a fair share of epiphanies that made me appreciate Mathematics all the more.
Anyway, I have done several calculations and taken numerous steps to prove if X raised to 69 existed, and it's driving me nuts. Seriously, Einstein nor Newton nor Leibnitz wouldn't do such a thing. An asshole I am though, I tried to see some aspects of life in a Mathematical perspective.
Ma69 is a Mathematics course that will never be taken in any university because it is inexistent, or in technical terms, oblique.
Why?
The number 69, when written with mortal hands, produce two imperfect digits that form a perfect number. How does that happen?
69 is the number of love. Don't get me wrong. 69 is the perfect number that would exemplify what love is. Each digit is a reciprocation of the other, just like man and woman. Each digit fills the emptiness of the other, or that each digit would satisfy what the other needs - a perfect compliment to one another which totally binds a partnership altogether, making the two digits inseparable, and thus called a 'number.'
A number is a relationship in itself. Each number has a certain value: the more it moves away from 0 in the number line towards infinity, the greater is its appraisal value - as best exemplified by money and property. This is how everything is quantified and valued. Love however is infinite in value and thus can never be measured and quantified by any means.
This is the focal point of doing the course Mathematics 69. It is the effort of trying to grasp certain subjects and ideas that could not be systematically explained in any manner nor perfectly organized and well-delivered in any speech - and in this particular case, love.
Mathematics 69 is stupidity. There are no materials needed in this course but your heart. There are no equations needed but a number, 69.
Love is oblique, indeterminate and undefined, but it exists - which all in all transgresses the ideals of Mathematics.
Ideals?
Love is more than those. Love is unpredictable even with the aid of mathematical computations, graphs and projections. Love has no pattern, no percentage, no numerator nor denominator, no common factor, no divisor, no dividend, and no formula. Love has no derivatives and anti-derivatives, it has no roots and squares, and has no functions.
It has a solution though.
There's just you and your partner. The rest is history. That's the solution - and yes, it is indefinite.
In short, love is Bianca.
You didn't see that coming, did you? That Bianca line was the first thought that entered my mind when I was about to start this chapter. I just had to develop it creatively. So you may ask,where did that fucking idea come from?
From my heart. Ok that was random.
Unfortunately, Math has no heart. It does not give you the understanding, rather, it would require you to max out your understanding to comprehend its fundamental and core knowledge. It is very much possible to grasp the beauty and meaning of Math but it takes great effort.
But Bianca?
Well, from a guy's point of view, women can never be understood. You'll just have to accept, appreciate, and love them. That's the end of it, else you'll get your curious nose right under the boots of trouble. Women are the hardest to understand on this earth and it takes great perseverance to last the ordeal. That's a perk of taking the course Mathematics 69.1 - understanding the digit 6 and the digit 9, or the other way around.
Unfortunately too, the realities of Mathematics 69 just don't apply if the number 69 isn't put into real life action. Think of it this way: the number 69 wouldn't be easy. It will never exist until a relationship is a two-way one. A one-way relationship is futile, or in simple terms, stupid, since it would not be love at all. And lastly, it would not really be a 69.
Unfortunately too for that matter, the ideal ugliness of the situation will not apply to me. I don't really care to whatever may happen. All I know is that I'm sure of what I am feeling and I am definitely going for it.
But, there's a harder Mathematics course than Mathematics 69. It is Mathematics 0. It is the Math of understanding one's self, which is completely impossible. The self can never be understood. That's a law and a truth, a reality.
Mathematics 0 is one big problem. There are three variables: your mortal body, your incapable thinking, and your temporal existence.
Basically, the problem gives you a piece of shit, which is you, from the three given variables. Now, the challenge in solving this hard-level problem is knowing how to make the given shit significant.
Solution:
1.) The mortal body is bound by time. It may be exterminated and extinguished in the course of,
2.) Its existence - which binds the edge of its mortality to the scythe of death, that is why,
3.) The weak thinking keeps on boggling itself what to do in the expanse of its history on this,
4.) Temporal salvation. This state requires human will to push through a nirvana in order to,
5.) Redeem itself and free itself from the bounds of mortality and reality.
Final answer:
'Shit.'
The given shit has no real value. However, that shit is given value by another. Each piece of shit is valuable after all.
Mathematics 0 is life. Life is one big hole. Fuck it. Nah, I'm just confused as of this time. I just didn't know what to do.
Enough of Math. What's with it?
I owe Math a big deal. When I flunked my Mathematics 19 (Calculus) during the second semester of my freshman year, I was really fucked up because I had to take the goddamn subject again for the first semester of my sophomore year. Through this, I had several of my core subjects and my individual program of study delayed.
And through this, I had my English 12 course delayed.
And through this, I met Bianca.
No fucking regrets for me. Math my ass. Even the greatest of Mathematicians won't be able to calculate the direction of my goddamn lucky fate.
Still, fuck Math. It does not have the solutions for everything.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Anyway, I have done several calculations and taken numerous steps to prove if X raised to 69 existed, and it's driving me nuts. Seriously, Einstein nor Newton nor Leibnitz wouldn't do such a thing. An asshole I am though, I tried to see some aspects of life in a Mathematical perspective.
Ma69 is a Mathematics course that will never be taken in any university because it is inexistent, or in technical terms, oblique.
Why?
The number 69, when written with mortal hands, produce two imperfect digits that form a perfect number. How does that happen?
69 is the number of love. Don't get me wrong. 69 is the perfect number that would exemplify what love is. Each digit is a reciprocation of the other, just like man and woman. Each digit fills the emptiness of the other, or that each digit would satisfy what the other needs - a perfect compliment to one another which totally binds a partnership altogether, making the two digits inseparable, and thus called a 'number.'
A number is a relationship in itself. Each number has a certain value: the more it moves away from 0 in the number line towards infinity, the greater is its appraisal value - as best exemplified by money and property. This is how everything is quantified and valued. Love however is infinite in value and thus can never be measured and quantified by any means.
This is the focal point of doing the course Mathematics 69. It is the effort of trying to grasp certain subjects and ideas that could not be systematically explained in any manner nor perfectly organized and well-delivered in any speech - and in this particular case, love.
Mathematics 69 is stupidity. There are no materials needed in this course but your heart. There are no equations needed but a number, 69.
Love is oblique, indeterminate and undefined, but it exists - which all in all transgresses the ideals of Mathematics.
Ideals?
Love is more than those. Love is unpredictable even with the aid of mathematical computations, graphs and projections. Love has no pattern, no percentage, no numerator nor denominator, no common factor, no divisor, no dividend, and no formula. Love has no derivatives and anti-derivatives, it has no roots and squares, and has no functions.
It has a solution though.
There's just you and your partner. The rest is history. That's the solution - and yes, it is indefinite.
In short, love is Bianca.
You didn't see that coming, did you? That Bianca line was the first thought that entered my mind when I was about to start this chapter. I just had to develop it creatively. So you may ask,where did that fucking idea come from?
From my heart. Ok that was random.
Unfortunately, Math has no heart. It does not give you the understanding, rather, it would require you to max out your understanding to comprehend its fundamental and core knowledge. It is very much possible to grasp the beauty and meaning of Math but it takes great effort.
But Bianca?
Well, from a guy's point of view, women can never be understood. You'll just have to accept, appreciate, and love them. That's the end of it, else you'll get your curious nose right under the boots of trouble. Women are the hardest to understand on this earth and it takes great perseverance to last the ordeal. That's a perk of taking the course Mathematics 69.1 - understanding the digit 6 and the digit 9, or the other way around.
Unfortunately too, the realities of Mathematics 69 just don't apply if the number 69 isn't put into real life action. Think of it this way: the number 69 wouldn't be easy. It will never exist until a relationship is a two-way one. A one-way relationship is futile, or in simple terms, stupid, since it would not be love at all. And lastly, it would not really be a 69.
Unfortunately too for that matter, the ideal ugliness of the situation will not apply to me. I don't really care to whatever may happen. All I know is that I'm sure of what I am feeling and I am definitely going for it.
But, there's a harder Mathematics course than Mathematics 69. It is Mathematics 0. It is the Math of understanding one's self, which is completely impossible. The self can never be understood. That's a law and a truth, a reality.
Mathematics 0 is one big problem. There are three variables: your mortal body, your incapable thinking, and your temporal existence.
Basically, the problem gives you a piece of shit, which is you, from the three given variables. Now, the challenge in solving this hard-level problem is knowing how to make the given shit significant.
Solution:
1.) The mortal body is bound by time. It may be exterminated and extinguished in the course of,
2.) Its existence - which binds the edge of its mortality to the scythe of death, that is why,
3.) The weak thinking keeps on boggling itself what to do in the expanse of its history on this,
4.) Temporal salvation. This state requires human will to push through a nirvana in order to,
5.) Redeem itself and free itself from the bounds of mortality and reality.
Final answer:
'Shit.'
The given shit has no real value. However, that shit is given value by another. Each piece of shit is valuable after all.
Mathematics 0 is life. Life is one big hole. Fuck it. Nah, I'm just confused as of this time. I just didn't know what to do.
Enough of Math. What's with it?
I owe Math a big deal. When I flunked my Mathematics 19 (Calculus) during the second semester of my freshman year, I was really fucked up because I had to take the goddamn subject again for the first semester of my sophomore year. Through this, I had several of my core subjects and my individual program of study delayed.
And through this, I had my English 12 course delayed.
And through this, I met Bianca.
No fucking regrets for me. Math my ass. Even the greatest of Mathematicians won't be able to calculate the direction of my goddamn lucky fate.
Still, fuck Math. It does not have the solutions for everything.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, April 13, 2009
Chapter 14: Accepted
If you don't entertain the pain, you circumcise yourself thrice. Your balls suffer. Seriously, that's shit.
Speaking of shit, sometimes you just have to eat your own. If you reject pieces of shit again and again, there will come a time that your septic tank called 'pride' would be overflowing with crap. That's when you'd need to immerse yourself and eat the shit. This though doesn't necessarily mean that you need to constantly eat shit, rather, knowing where to dump shit. And it's not going to be your pride that'd help you dispose shit. And oh, don't forget about your own shit too. You'd be fucking your own fate if you shit on your septic tank more often, which would eventually make you a septic tank worth shitting on.
Learn to accept or you'd be another piece of shit.
Dump yourself first or others might do it for you before you even lift your finger.
I've learned to accept my fate lately; there are others out there that are much worse. So, acceptance huh? What's this all about?
Dictionary.com comes in handy during these times of crisis.
AC-CEPT-ANCE
–noun
1.) Fate has dismissed me from Ateneo.
2.) I approved of it already.
3.) I started to believe in tragedy.
4.) Fate has accepted me this way.
I am my fate.
But the big question still remained: Why would I want to forget about everything? And Bianca? Why, all this time, would I want to fucking shit on my ass?
The big answer was the same question. 'Why.'
I've accepted that I am 'honorably' dismissed from my university and I've accepted that I'm one big disappointment to my parents, considering that I was the first Atenean from the family. I've accepted that I've failed in school and that the inevitable truth of my QPI (Quality Point Index - the grading system of the Ateneo) did not meet the requirements of a probationary student.
I've accepted that both my grandfathers already left this mortal world, and my main reason of taking up a Chemistry-related course in order to invent some goddamn shit of a medicine to cure cancers is now in vain. I've seen myself from my clan's point of view - perhaps a useless guy now.
I've accepted too that my parents sort of loathed me (well that's what I felt at the time) and I've accepted that I'm going to lose all my friends in school - from simple acquaintances, to block mates and classmates, from AMP people, from my band, from my group... But still.
Have I accepted the reality already? I haven't even accepted myself, yet. You see, that's how unclear my mind was.
Alcohol straighten things out. I swear. That's what I've been doing after I submitted my last semester requirement - the History paper regarding my museum visit at Ayala with Ian and Bianca. That was when my semester was officially over, and then, my throat was a stream of alcohol all the way.
I remember it was the 6th of April at a resto bar somewhere in Ortigas near an Autostore when I was drinking with my dad. We've been checking several rides the whole day and he's planning on changing his car to something definitely faster and we've been discussing it all day long. So to end our whole day trip, we had a drink.
5:34 pm when I received Bianca's last text message for the day saying,
"If you're a good boy, you don't need to be told what to do," she calmly said. Well, I always needed her for me to be able to cut down my alcohol intake because I act like a fucking baby that asks for discipline. Haha.
Anyway, Dad and I took a table in the middle of the place. There were only three or four guys hanging around so the resto bar was a little silent. There were dimmers that lit the place and the ceiling fans were rotating slowly as if they're taking part of a whole day's exhaustion. The view from our table was great - it was overlooking all of Valle Verde - like a sense of tranquility and solitude from modernity. We've been talking about cars and engines while gazing at the distance that felt so far from urban life. Eventually, the flow of the talk shifted towards my relationship with Bianca, not as a boyfriend of course, but just a good friend.
"So, what's the plan, son?" he asked me when we were halfway our drinking session.
"I dunno," I placed my bottle down on the table and had both of my hands behind my head while slouching on my seat.
"What's with the answer?"
"I'm confused, dad. Should I continue or what? I'm driven to screws and bolts and nuts. My mind's goddamn twisted from thinking of her. As stupid as it sounds I assure you that this time it's fucking real," I slowly replied after taking my cap off and pitching it in to the table.
"Drink more, then talk."
I did, then I continued.
"Well, dad, she's the first girl I ever loved. I didn't believe at first that such a phony thing could exist. But then, it was just right in front of me, from nowhere... I couldn't believe it myself. Love is fucking real, dad."
"Do you love her?" he straightforwardly asked. His tone changed and he placed down his bottle of Red Horse on the table. He looked me straight in the eye and I knew he was serious.
"Well, yeah... but--"
"Yes or no?" he interrupted without any hesitation.
"Yes!" I quickly replied.
"So what are you shitting about? You know, Mike, once you find a girl you'll love and you're sure that you love her, go for it. Because once you turn your back on her, poof... There goes your dream. You'll never be able to find someone like her again. And if ever you'll do such stupidity, backing out or something of the similar shit, a '&#$%&@#' is already waiting for you." he said before taking another sip from his bottle.
Now that's what I call motivation.
When we finished our drinks, we went home. Dad drove to the limits of his car and it was goddamn fast - faster when you have alcohol in your blood - fastest when your senses fail but instinct.
Instinct.
I've finally accepted what I've been feeling deep inside me. Well, maybe not exactly accept but more of comprehend. Acceptance is a hard word, and it needs comprehension first before it's put into action.
When I told Bianca before that I love her, I was 100% sure; this time though, it's 500.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Speaking of shit, sometimes you just have to eat your own. If you reject pieces of shit again and again, there will come a time that your septic tank called 'pride' would be overflowing with crap. That's when you'd need to immerse yourself and eat the shit. This though doesn't necessarily mean that you need to constantly eat shit, rather, knowing where to dump shit. And it's not going to be your pride that'd help you dispose shit. And oh, don't forget about your own shit too. You'd be fucking your own fate if you shit on your septic tank more often, which would eventually make you a septic tank worth shitting on.
Learn to accept or you'd be another piece of shit.
Dump yourself first or others might do it for you before you even lift your finger.
I've learned to accept my fate lately; there are others out there that are much worse. So, acceptance huh? What's this all about?
Dictionary.com comes in handy during these times of crisis.
AC-CEPT-ANCE
–noun
| 1. | the act of taking or receiving something offered. |
| 2. | favorable reception; approval; favor. |
| 3. | the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory. |
| 4. | the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable |
1.) Fate has dismissed me from Ateneo.
2.) I approved of it already.
3.) I started to believe in tragedy.
4.) Fate has accepted me this way.
I am my fate.
But the big question still remained: Why would I want to forget about everything? And Bianca? Why, all this time, would I want to fucking shit on my ass?
The big answer was the same question. 'Why.'
I've accepted that I am 'honorably' dismissed from my university and I've accepted that I'm one big disappointment to my parents, considering that I was the first Atenean from the family. I've accepted that I've failed in school and that the inevitable truth of my QPI (Quality Point Index - the grading system of the Ateneo) did not meet the requirements of a probationary student.
I've accepted that both my grandfathers already left this mortal world, and my main reason of taking up a Chemistry-related course in order to invent some goddamn shit of a medicine to cure cancers is now in vain. I've seen myself from my clan's point of view - perhaps a useless guy now.
I've accepted too that my parents sort of loathed me (well that's what I felt at the time) and I've accepted that I'm going to lose all my friends in school - from simple acquaintances, to block mates and classmates, from AMP people, from my band, from my group... But still.
Have I accepted the reality already? I haven't even accepted myself, yet. You see, that's how unclear my mind was.
Alcohol straighten things out. I swear. That's what I've been doing after I submitted my last semester requirement - the History paper regarding my museum visit at Ayala with Ian and Bianca. That was when my semester was officially over, and then, my throat was a stream of alcohol all the way.
I remember it was the 6th of April at a resto bar somewhere in Ortigas near an Autostore when I was drinking with my dad. We've been checking several rides the whole day and he's planning on changing his car to something definitely faster and we've been discussing it all day long. So to end our whole day trip, we had a drink.
5:34 pm when I received Bianca's last text message for the day saying,
"If you're a good boy, you don't need to be told what to do," she calmly said. Well, I always needed her for me to be able to cut down my alcohol intake because I act like a fucking baby that asks for discipline. Haha.
Anyway, Dad and I took a table in the middle of the place. There were only three or four guys hanging around so the resto bar was a little silent. There were dimmers that lit the place and the ceiling fans were rotating slowly as if they're taking part of a whole day's exhaustion. The view from our table was great - it was overlooking all of Valle Verde - like a sense of tranquility and solitude from modernity. We've been talking about cars and engines while gazing at the distance that felt so far from urban life. Eventually, the flow of the talk shifted towards my relationship with Bianca, not as a boyfriend of course, but just a good friend.
"So, what's the plan, son?" he asked me when we were halfway our drinking session.
"I dunno," I placed my bottle down on the table and had both of my hands behind my head while slouching on my seat.
"What's with the answer?"
"I'm confused, dad. Should I continue or what? I'm driven to screws and bolts and nuts. My mind's goddamn twisted from thinking of her. As stupid as it sounds I assure you that this time it's fucking real," I slowly replied after taking my cap off and pitching it in to the table.
"Drink more, then talk."
I did, then I continued.
"Well, dad, she's the first girl I ever loved. I didn't believe at first that such a phony thing could exist. But then, it was just right in front of me, from nowhere... I couldn't believe it myself. Love is fucking real, dad."
"Do you love her?" he straightforwardly asked. His tone changed and he placed down his bottle of Red Horse on the table. He looked me straight in the eye and I knew he was serious.
"Well, yeah... but--"
"Yes or no?" he interrupted without any hesitation.
"Yes!" I quickly replied.
"So what are you shitting about? You know, Mike, once you find a girl you'll love and you're sure that you love her, go for it. Because once you turn your back on her, poof... There goes your dream. You'll never be able to find someone like her again. And if ever you'll do such stupidity, backing out or something of the similar shit, a '&#$%&@#' is already waiting for you." he said before taking another sip from his bottle.
Now that's what I call motivation.
When we finished our drinks, we went home. Dad drove to the limits of his car and it was goddamn fast - faster when you have alcohol in your blood - fastest when your senses fail but instinct.
Instinct.
I've finally accepted what I've been feeling deep inside me. Well, maybe not exactly accept but more of comprehend. Acceptance is a hard word, and it needs comprehension first before it's put into action.
When I told Bianca before that I love her, I was 100% sure; this time though, it's 500.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Chapter 13: Rejected
Rejections are common realities of life.
March 26, Thursday, the day after a 13-hour adventure with Bianca, I started reviewing for my Theology final exam. It was 12:00 am flat when I opened my notebook and browsed my handouts to run through all my lessons. 13 hours after that, I was finished with my last exam for the semester and I was already sitting down at the cafeteria with Kris and Jeimi.
Later that day, Rups got to hangout with us and Chantal-Denise came over all the way from UP. The whole group sat in at Jeimi's final semester requirement which was a group reporting somewhere in Gonzaga hall. After her group's report, Rups, Chantal and I sneaked out to hang around SEC walk and the cafeteria. Jeimi couldn't leave the class until every group was done presenting, and of course Kris had to be with her so we left the two of them.
We assembled again at the cafeteria at around 5:00 pm and that's when we saw Bianca sitting on another table not far from us. She was with her block mates at the time and she was having fun with them so I did not go over and attempted to star my ass out. Instead, I texted her to look at our direction and wave a hello or something so that we too could say a hi. A sweet girl she was, just after receiving the text message she dropped by our table and said hello to everyone. She quickly left though to go back to her block's table.
I saw Andz walking by and I called him. The two of us sat on another table and I told him every inch of my second semester life in a concise manner since I haven't been with the block guys lately. I also shared my problems with him because I felt like spilling everything within me to a good friend. It was a short yet fruitful and 20-minute quality talk.
"Fight back," he said before he bid farewell. That brought me to my senses since I've been screwing up my ass with my self-inflicted depression.
In a little while Rups and Chantal left for McDonald's to meet up with Danya, another friend. That was a walk to remember for the two. Also, Kris walked Jeimi before she was fetched by her family. Jeimi had to go back to their house in Cavite and she'd be returning by June 2009. She does not have summer classes which left Kris devastated. I knew he'd long for her. So it was only me left on our table. I checked to see if Bianca was still at the cafeteria but she was gone. Kris returned though after bidding farewell to Jeimi.
It was 5:30 pm when Kris and I left the cafeteria. We wanted to go to McDonald's to catch up with the others. But just as we were walking at EDSA walk, I chanced to scan the Zen Garden since we were walking slow as hell. Voila, there was Bianca seated on a bleacher together with her block mates. Her back was on us so we didn't bother to say hello again. That was the last time I saw Bianca for the semester and the last time I've seen her so far.
We went to McDonald's Katipunan afterwards and met Rups, Chantal and Danya although only Danya remained to hang out with us until 6:30. Danya would be meeting her friends in a short while. Eventually Kris and I had to go home. I thanked him yet again because he brought me to my place; we were feeling down at the time and he wanted to have company before he went home that's why he offered me a free ride.
Friday, the following day, I dropped by Ian's place because I'd be going to school and he wanted me to submit my History paper (about the museum visit) together with his paper since he had to review for an exam the next day. After submission, I went to McDonald's to meet up with Chantal and Richie, a high school classmate, and we waited for company before proceeding to have a drink at Coastnet. I had to leave early though because it was the last day of my grandfather's wake who passed last March 21.
March 28 and my grandfather was brought to his resting place.
BV: Bad vibes. Why? Everything would be the best answer.
Later that evening I was online and chatting with Bianca. We were talking about her photoshoot the Tuesday before about the Seven Capital Sins. She was asking me if her poses were effective or something, especially the 'lust' part. It was an epic picture by the way. Ask her if you want a copy.
"You've conveyed the message just right," I told her.
Midnight of March 29, 2009 we were still talking with the aid of my buddy, Yahoo! Messenger,
"Mike, promise me you won't be doing what you told me a while ago," she suddenly blurted from out of the blue.
"What was that?" I think I was drinking the time I told her the goddamn thing.
"That you'll be messing up..."
"I'm a mess. So I'd rather have you forget about me and not worry about things that concern me."
"Do you think I'm that kind of person? Someone who can forget?"
"Certainly no, but thinking of me would simply be a waste of time."
"You're breaking our deal. You're looking down at yourself again," I remembered I signed this pact before that I won't be doing such a thing, looking down on myself and the like.
"Hmmm, let me rephrase it then."
"Oh no you're not."
"It's not quite right that you give some of your time to me. There are more important things in your world."
"It's still the same thing."
"But it's true."
"Well, it's still the same so no matter how hard you try to rephrase it... you lose. :-P"
Oh well. She was really sweet, but then, I changed the topic to alter the course of the talk.
March 31, 2009. Tuesday. Me and my ass and balls and everything else were GG-fied.
"Sorry, Mike. :-) As much as you'd want me to forget you, you're part of my life now, all my friends are. :-) And as long as I'm here you're pretty much stuck with me. You won't be able to stop me from trying to help you get back on track again. :-P"
Whu-what was that? My balls dropped and I couldn't find them on the floor. She sent me that text message because I think I was drunk when I told her that she must forget me. That was something that pulled me out of my drunken state. I've been drinking a hell lot, yes.
Damn drama. I just wanted her to chill because she seemed stressed out the last time I saw her and she got drunk that goddamn night. I told Ian about this though.
"Just see how it plays out, right?" he told me.
"So how do I do that?"
"Just go with the flow."
So you may wonder what the hell's wrong with me. I don't even know it myself.
It was 1:00 am of April 3, 2009 when I logged in to AISIS Online. It was supposed to be available at around 12:00 am but then the site underwent maintenance and everyone was requested to log in an hour after. Really anxious, I had no choice but to wait.
After seeing my grade, I knew I was screwed. I texted Bianca at 1:11 am and told her I'm going to be kicked out. I think I woke her up though. She immediately replied,
"How'd you know?"
"AISIS."
She was online in 2 minutes time and was already talking to me over Y!M but I changed the topic (as I always do) from my failure to something more enjoyable to talk about. I didn't want her to see that I was down but I thanked her for the concern.
A sweet farewell I give to Ateneo de Manila University,
A sweet chapter of my existence and mortality,
A sweet memory of the fairest lady,
A sweet truth which I have yet to see...
Bianca... Oh, April 4 was her birthday by the way. Happy Birthday!
As much as I'd like to forget about everything, I just couldn't. She was irresistible. And I've already stuck that to mind.
I've always kept on rejecting myself. I'm a reject - making rejections common, making rejections more than a possibility but a truth and a reality.
I'm a metalhead but I admit that that sounds fucking emo.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
March 26, Thursday, the day after a 13-hour adventure with Bianca, I started reviewing for my Theology final exam. It was 12:00 am flat when I opened my notebook and browsed my handouts to run through all my lessons. 13 hours after that, I was finished with my last exam for the semester and I was already sitting down at the cafeteria with Kris and Jeimi.
Later that day, Rups got to hangout with us and Chantal-Denise came over all the way from UP. The whole group sat in at Jeimi's final semester requirement which was a group reporting somewhere in Gonzaga hall. After her group's report, Rups, Chantal and I sneaked out to hang around SEC walk and the cafeteria. Jeimi couldn't leave the class until every group was done presenting, and of course Kris had to be with her so we left the two of them.
We assembled again at the cafeteria at around 5:00 pm and that's when we saw Bianca sitting on another table not far from us. She was with her block mates at the time and she was having fun with them so I did not go over and attempted to star my ass out. Instead, I texted her to look at our direction and wave a hello or something so that we too could say a hi. A sweet girl she was, just after receiving the text message she dropped by our table and said hello to everyone. She quickly left though to go back to her block's table.
I saw Andz walking by and I called him. The two of us sat on another table and I told him every inch of my second semester life in a concise manner since I haven't been with the block guys lately. I also shared my problems with him because I felt like spilling everything within me to a good friend. It was a short yet fruitful and 20-minute quality talk.
"Fight back," he said before he bid farewell. That brought me to my senses since I've been screwing up my ass with my self-inflicted depression.
In a little while Rups and Chantal left for McDonald's to meet up with Danya, another friend. That was a walk to remember for the two. Also, Kris walked Jeimi before she was fetched by her family. Jeimi had to go back to their house in Cavite and she'd be returning by June 2009. She does not have summer classes which left Kris devastated. I knew he'd long for her. So it was only me left on our table. I checked to see if Bianca was still at the cafeteria but she was gone. Kris returned though after bidding farewell to Jeimi.
It was 5:30 pm when Kris and I left the cafeteria. We wanted to go to McDonald's to catch up with the others. But just as we were walking at EDSA walk, I chanced to scan the Zen Garden since we were walking slow as hell. Voila, there was Bianca seated on a bleacher together with her block mates. Her back was on us so we didn't bother to say hello again. That was the last time I saw Bianca for the semester and the last time I've seen her so far.
We went to McDonald's Katipunan afterwards and met Rups, Chantal and Danya although only Danya remained to hang out with us until 6:30. Danya would be meeting her friends in a short while. Eventually Kris and I had to go home. I thanked him yet again because he brought me to my place; we were feeling down at the time and he wanted to have company before he went home that's why he offered me a free ride.
Friday, the following day, I dropped by Ian's place because I'd be going to school and he wanted me to submit my History paper (about the museum visit) together with his paper since he had to review for an exam the next day. After submission, I went to McDonald's to meet up with Chantal and Richie, a high school classmate, and we waited for company before proceeding to have a drink at Coastnet. I had to leave early though because it was the last day of my grandfather's wake who passed last March 21.
March 28 and my grandfather was brought to his resting place.
BV: Bad vibes. Why? Everything would be the best answer.
Later that evening I was online and chatting with Bianca. We were talking about her photoshoot the Tuesday before about the Seven Capital Sins. She was asking me if her poses were effective or something, especially the 'lust' part. It was an epic picture by the way. Ask her if you want a copy.
"You've conveyed the message just right," I told her.
Midnight of March 29, 2009 we were still talking with the aid of my buddy, Yahoo! Messenger,
"Mike, promise me you won't be doing what you told me a while ago," she suddenly blurted from out of the blue.
"What was that?" I think I was drinking the time I told her the goddamn thing.
"That you'll be messing up..."
"I'm a mess. So I'd rather have you forget about me and not worry about things that concern me."
"Do you think I'm that kind of person? Someone who can forget?"
"Certainly no, but thinking of me would simply be a waste of time."
"You're breaking our deal. You're looking down at yourself again," I remembered I signed this pact before that I won't be doing such a thing, looking down on myself and the like.
"Hmmm, let me rephrase it then."
"Oh no you're not."
"It's not quite right that you give some of your time to me. There are more important things in your world."
"It's still the same thing."
"But it's true."
"Well, it's still the same so no matter how hard you try to rephrase it... you lose. :-P"
Oh well. She was really sweet, but then, I changed the topic to alter the course of the talk.
March 31, 2009. Tuesday. Me and my ass and balls and everything else were GG-fied.
"Sorry, Mike. :-) As much as you'd want me to forget you, you're part of my life now, all my friends are. :-) And as long as I'm here you're pretty much stuck with me. You won't be able to stop me from trying to help you get back on track again. :-P"
Whu-what was that? My balls dropped and I couldn't find them on the floor. She sent me that text message because I think I was drunk when I told her that she must forget me. That was something that pulled me out of my drunken state. I've been drinking a hell lot, yes.
Damn drama. I just wanted her to chill because she seemed stressed out the last time I saw her and she got drunk that goddamn night. I told Ian about this though.
"Just see how it plays out, right?" he told me.
"So how do I do that?"
"Just go with the flow."
So you may wonder what the hell's wrong with me. I don't even know it myself.
It was 1:00 am of April 3, 2009 when I logged in to AISIS Online. It was supposed to be available at around 12:00 am but then the site underwent maintenance and everyone was requested to log in an hour after. Really anxious, I had no choice but to wait.
After seeing my grade, I knew I was screwed. I texted Bianca at 1:11 am and told her I'm going to be kicked out. I think I woke her up though. She immediately replied,
"How'd you know?"
"AISIS."
She was online in 2 minutes time and was already talking to me over Y!M but I changed the topic (as I always do) from my failure to something more enjoyable to talk about. I didn't want her to see that I was down but I thanked her for the concern.
A sweet farewell I give to Ateneo de Manila University,
A sweet chapter of my existence and mortality,
A sweet memory of the fairest lady,
A sweet truth which I have yet to see...
Bianca... Oh, April 4 was her birthday by the way. Happy Birthday!
As much as I'd like to forget about everything, I just couldn't. She was irresistible. And I've already stuck that to mind.
I've always kept on rejecting myself. I'm a reject - making rejections common, making rejections more than a possibility but a truth and a reality.
I'm a metalhead but I admit that that sounds fucking emo.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Chapter 12: Moment Of Truth
March 25, 2009.
It was 8:20 am when my dad dropped me at Ian's place. The time I got to the gate, I saw Ian's mom driving the car out of the garage. I greeted her a good morning when I peeked through the car's window. Ian then went out of their front door, closed the gate, and ushered me to their car. We were to go to Eastwood at that time.
Eastwood...? Early morning? Why?
We were supposed to go to the Ayala Museum that morning as a final enrichment activity for our Asian History... with Bianca. Oh-ho, there goes the twist. We were to pick her up. That was why we were at Eastwood; supposedly, Ian's mom would drop us there and it's up to us on how we would get our asses off to Ayala.
It was kind of easy because there were available cabs anywhere and we're just to call out one. It was around 9:00 am when Bianca, as beautiful as ever, descended from her kingdom-slash-condominium and met Ian and me at the entrance. Her smile was just pulverizing - pulverizing in a way that you'd be 1-2-knocked out.
A minute and we were already in a cab. Ian sat at the front seat beside the driver. Bianca and I took the back seats (Thank you Ian for a wonderful cooperative game play. You are a good friend!). That was when Bianca told us that she didn't tell anyone but her grandma that we were kidnapping her out of Eastwood, which seriously scared me off my skin. She was all too precious that deserved the best of care, and she was on me and Ian's very hands to watch for.
In a short while Bianca and I were already seated on one side of the back seat because she moved towards me. Jesus Christ, what was that? I learned she does not want herself for a sun beam and so she had to put all our things on her side of the seat so that she could move closer to me. I kept entertaining her all the way to the museum in exchange for my freaking paradisaical happiness. You know what I mean... being side to side with the girl you admired the most with all your life and balls - and you can do what you want - you get the idea.
The museum was a grand epic experience primarily because I was beside Bianca almost all the time. I paid more attention to her than any other historical display on all four floors of the Ayala Museum; seeing her delighted was more than enough and would certainly be a lot greater than an A+ History paper. Besides, she is a museum of beauty that I'd be willing to explore all year round. We went around the Ayala museum in a planned route though, thanks to Ian who was familiar with the place. As for me, my mind went in circles, bedazzled by Bianca's stunning beauty.
I think she hit her forehead once because she was amazed by a certain diorama that she didn't notice the glass covering it, semi-hurting herself in the process. That was cute. She held her forehead with both hands and approached me with a sad face. I think that was the first time I hugged her, and the first time I held her head with both of my hands and almost kissed her on the forehead. Well, a good guy I was, I resisted the temptation. Can't believe how good I am.
It was a battle of indecisive minds before we had lunch at PiaDina at Greenbelt. It took us ages to choose where to eat and I had a severe headache that started like 2 hours before which took out my appetite because I lacked sleep the night before. My vision was literally a vortex tunnel that I lost my noise level and hyperactivity as well. I was trying my best to put on a fine facial expression but I couldn't even hook the pasta with my fork. I realized then that I was dehydrated which explains why I was a little fine after I had water down my throat. Damn fucking metabolism.
Another cause of my dizziness would probably be Bianca's beauty overload, but if that's the case, I'd rather be dizzy all my life.
We left Ian and a friend at Greenbelt because apparently Bianca and I had to go back to Eastwood to meet Kris and Jeimi just to hang out for the rest of the day. We crossed a street where Bianca grabbed my arm because she was scared in crossing roads but I brought her safely to the other side. Who's the hero? Me. We then took a cab and history repeated itself. We were on one side of the seat again and I was quite happy of course. It was a bonding moment for the both of us throughout the trip and these were the times that I get to truly know her.
2:30 pm and we were at Eastwood; I had Bianca wait for me outside a restroom because I had to pee. I thought I lost her though 'cause she was nowhere in sight when I stepped out. But when I texted her, she just came out of nowhere. We had a good laugh for some odd reason.
We were off to DQ yet again just like before and we were supposed to meet Kris and Jeimi there. I wanted to treat Bianca something sweet too that's why I chose the place. When the whole bunch assembled we hung around for half an hour before going to the cinemas to see what time would 'Watchmen,' the movie we wanted to see that day, start since we knew we were off the playing time schedule. Anyway, the movie was only available at Ultra 7 (the cinema at the new mall) and it would start at around 5:30 pm. It was only 4:00 back then so we just headed to National Bookstore to help Kris find a gift for his dad who had his birthday the day before.
We went to the parking area because Kris wanted to get a jacket for Jeimi which was placed in his car and that I'd be depositing my bag at the same time so that I'd be having no load to bug me around. We went to Ultra 7 afterwards and bought tickets. It was 5:00 pm and we descended a floor below to sit on a couch and put our asses to rest for a while since we've been walking the whole day.
That was another epic moment since I had the balls to lean on Bianca and steal her wallet and her ID again and again. It was a fail attempt though because she wasn't so happy about it, especially when I was looking at her high school baby face picture. Fail means fail, really. Well in fact I've been leaning on her all day long because I felt like being an asshole (Hi Bianca, if you ever noticed that, just so you know). And oh, her perfume, whatever it was, I loved it. Or is it just my imagination? No epic win although I've been leaning on her.
Oh wait there's one! I grabbed her phone. What's the epic win then? She held my closed fist with both of her hands in the struggle of having her phone back. The moment I realized she was holding my hand I was stunned and I didn't know I was already letting go of her phone and dropping it to her lap. Her hands... MADE OF WIN!
We went back up to Ultra 7 at 5:30 pm and immediately took our seats after a restroom break. Soon there were people flying around asking what flavor everyone wanted for popcorns and what drinks everyone wanted to have.
"Is this included in the 700 bucks you paid?" Bianca asked me.
"Yes," I responded as soon as she finished her question.
A lady approached us and I had my order patterned after Bianca's, which was cheese for popcorn and a root beer in can. The seats were awesome too. They were all in pairs and seemed as if you're in bed. So in the far right there was Kris and Jeimi having their moment, and in the middle there was Bianca and me. Bed sensation = for the win. Kidding. I'm a shy person, you know. Don't get the wrong idea. Nothing happened.
"You sure these are all free?" she asked me again when we were having our snacks and seeing that Kris and Jeimi had none.
"Nope they're not. You're going to pay for them," I cooly lied.
"WHAT!?" she exclaimed in shock, but she later learned that they were all included in the payment.
Half of the time I was watching Bianca. She kept on asking me about the details of the movie of which 99% I couldn't answer. I was still confounded by how God bestowed her such overkilling beauty. The movie was good though but it is quite evident that I'd rather watch Bianca.
Just like good old times, we had dinner at Yellow Cab. Unfortunately, it rained when we were watching the movie. So that explains why it was freezing at Ultra 7, considering too that Bianca was having a hard time dealing with the temperature and that I was using my cap as a fan to 'comfort' her and give her some heat. Screwed. Anyway, I wanted to have dinner at the balcony but it was wet so we all opted to take the seats inside at the second floor by the farthest corner table of the room. Kris and Jeimi sat together of course and I was sitting beside Bianca. Kris and I were on the wall; to his left was Jeimi and to my right was my beloved.
This time too, I chose the pizza - Hawaiian 14". I couldn't remember the exact time when we were eating because I lost track of everything since I have been planning something hideous. When Bianca went downstairs to get the condiments she wanted, I told Plans A and B to Kris and Jeimi.
We finished dinner in 15 minutes and when I was already prepared to execute my masterful killer GG plans, I kindly sent Kris 'the sign.'
"Uhm Bianca, I'd be buying something and I'll have Jeimi along. We'll return as soon as we're finished..." Kris said to assist me on my Plan A.
"Uhhh, okaaay..." Bianca responded, thinking what would be happening next. Then, Kris and Jeimi left their seats. Plan A seemed to be working effectively. So far so good.
"We'll be back in a while," Jeimi mentioned before they turned around and descended the flight of stairs.
"So," I started, "That..." while pointing to Kris and Jeimi walking away, "... is scripted," I told Bianca.
She laughed out and gave me a light punch on my right thigh. Her smile almost killed me to my balls again. After she was settled, I moved my chair really close to her and I placed my right arm on her right shoulder. I started out again,
"This was all part of the plan, Bianca, and I know that you know where this is going," I slowly and carefully said, before continuing, "But I'd just like to tell you something."
"Hmmmmmmmm, what...?" she said while giving me her killer smile. I'm perpetually GG-fied by that ever-beautiful lips of hers.
"You know, all this time, I've been thinking, but not just of you of course but of the whole situation we are in. And I've concluded that what I'm feeling inside me is quite right although it may seem outright stupid at first. But still, I'd like you to know that you're a very special person to me. I mean, without you, I would not have changed and I could have been a useless person I was. But you, you defined me. You molded me into a new person which is what I am right now. And I thank you for that," I continued on saying the sincerest of things, and some lines of mine of which I couldn't remember anymore.
"Thanks, Mike. I thank you for everything and I appreciate every single thing you did for me," she eagerly responded while looking directly at my eyes. "Good speech by the way, but why are you all red?" she quickly placed in as a comic relief. We both laughed at that really loud like we were the spotlight at the second floor of Yellow Cab, Eastwood City, Libis.
"What!? Me? Red...? You have to be kidding me. You're the one who's red!" I responded because she was really red at that time. We laughed yet again, but I continued,
"Anyway, I'd just like to ask you a question."
"What?"
I gave her 'the question.'
"Uhm, Mike, uhhhmm..." she responded then she immediately gave me a short, sweet hug.
"Whatever happens, please don't be sad whatsoever, okay? You know my situation, right? And, uhm, I don't want to turn you down," she continued. "Damn you, your question's really hard to answer!!!"
"Ah come on, it's totally fine by me if it's a 'no.' We're still going to be friends after this," I said while laughing.
"NO, I don't want to give you a 'no!' But well, you know my situation and I couldn't say--"
"It's okay," I smiled at her before looking away. "I can wait," I followed through while smiling.
This time, we were really really close to each other. Suddenly,
"HAHAHAHA! Why are you so RED!?" she deliberately asked me (emphasis on red because I myself felt that blood was rushing exuberantly through my veins).
"HELL NO, you're RED!" I retorted.
"Want me to bring out a mirror!?" she did and we both looked at it at the same time.
"See!?" she insisted.
"Oh well. Yes, you're right, but still... (5 second pause) I love you," with a head turn that I hoped was all too suave. GG.
We conversed for like thirty minutes before I texted Kris asking where they were. I knew they felt excited over my situation but I still did not want to tell them that it was a 'no answer.' After receiving his text message though, Bianca and I came over to their spot which was a silent area in the Citywalk. We saw the two in a bench and so we decided to get ours.
It was a drama session. She was the only person in the world that I've shared my inner problems to. I mean, wow, a drama session at the end of the day? Ftw.
"If those are the only things you're worrying about, then you're no match to mine," she said.
"Damn."
We talked about problems, but I didn't really bug her to tell her side of the story else she might lose her stability. She just told me what she comfortably wanted to and that was enough for me. I felt at that time that the burden she was carrying was really really heavy and I hugged her for that.
That was when I changed again towards a better person because I knew that this petite gorgeous English block mate of mine whom I admired the most was a strong person.
I felt like a weakling. Well, weakened more to my knees because of her smile...
10:30 pm when we stood up from our bench and moved towards Kris and Jeimi. I told them I'm going to walk Bianca to her place. Bianca said her goodbyes before we walked to her condominium. I asked her if I can hold her hand. She looked at the direction of her place and then thought for a second or two before looking at me again,
"It's faaar!"
"HAHA! I was just kidding." I said.
She was quite silent but I managed to put off a few laughs out of her and I kept the talk going. We walked slow and I was cherishing the time we were together. Her backhand was touching mine but still I didn't grab her hand because I didn't have the permission in the first place.
When we were in front of her condominium, she told me she's going to her uncle's unit first so we had to say good bye to each other. But before we parted ways,
"Bianca, gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na mahal talaga kita."
[And that's the only goddamn Filipino dialogue in here. Take note of that.]
In English, "Bianca, I'd just like to tell you that I really love you." After that, I gave her a long, tight hug that should've choked her.
She joked if I had enough already during the course of the hug. We laughed at that, then we bid farewell to each other. But before she could go any further, I picked up her left hand, which was the nearest to me, with my right hand and kissed it softly. She turned around again and we found ourselves laughing harder than before.
"It was a stolen one," I sweetly said. Still, we were laughing.
When we turned our backs to each other, I texted her my apologies for doing such stupidity. She replied it was fine though. I immediately went back to Kris and Jeimi and told them the whole story. They were happy for me. Well, I'm only happy if I see Bianca happy, but she didn't seem to be really happy after our whole day adventure. She was confounded.
The next moment we were at Kris' car and we dropped off Jeimi to her place first. Kris then brought me home.
Just like good old times, we had blasted our wallets and pockets but we coursed through the path home satisfied. Well, I wished I was that time, but I really wasn't. I was troubled.
The good old times, huh?
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
It was 8:20 am when my dad dropped me at Ian's place. The time I got to the gate, I saw Ian's mom driving the car out of the garage. I greeted her a good morning when I peeked through the car's window. Ian then went out of their front door, closed the gate, and ushered me to their car. We were to go to Eastwood at that time.
Eastwood...? Early morning? Why?
We were supposed to go to the Ayala Museum that morning as a final enrichment activity for our Asian History... with Bianca. Oh-ho, there goes the twist. We were to pick her up. That was why we were at Eastwood; supposedly, Ian's mom would drop us there and it's up to us on how we would get our asses off to Ayala.
It was kind of easy because there were available cabs anywhere and we're just to call out one. It was around 9:00 am when Bianca, as beautiful as ever, descended from her kingdom-slash-condominium and met Ian and me at the entrance. Her smile was just pulverizing - pulverizing in a way that you'd be 1-2-knocked out.
A minute and we were already in a cab. Ian sat at the front seat beside the driver. Bianca and I took the back seats (Thank you Ian for a wonderful cooperative game play. You are a good friend!). That was when Bianca told us that she didn't tell anyone but her grandma that we were kidnapping her out of Eastwood, which seriously scared me off my skin. She was all too precious that deserved the best of care, and she was on me and Ian's very hands to watch for.
In a short while Bianca and I were already seated on one side of the back seat because she moved towards me. Jesus Christ, what was that? I learned she does not want herself for a sun beam and so she had to put all our things on her side of the seat so that she could move closer to me. I kept entertaining her all the way to the museum in exchange for my freaking paradisaical happiness. You know what I mean... being side to side with the girl you admired the most with all your life and balls - and you can do what you want - you get the idea.
The museum was a grand epic experience primarily because I was beside Bianca almost all the time. I paid more attention to her than any other historical display on all four floors of the Ayala Museum; seeing her delighted was more than enough and would certainly be a lot greater than an A+ History paper. Besides, she is a museum of beauty that I'd be willing to explore all year round. We went around the Ayala museum in a planned route though, thanks to Ian who was familiar with the place. As for me, my mind went in circles, bedazzled by Bianca's stunning beauty.
I think she hit her forehead once because she was amazed by a certain diorama that she didn't notice the glass covering it, semi-hurting herself in the process. That was cute. She held her forehead with both hands and approached me with a sad face. I think that was the first time I hugged her, and the first time I held her head with both of my hands and almost kissed her on the forehead. Well, a good guy I was, I resisted the temptation. Can't believe how good I am.
It was a battle of indecisive minds before we had lunch at PiaDina at Greenbelt. It took us ages to choose where to eat and I had a severe headache that started like 2 hours before which took out my appetite because I lacked sleep the night before. My vision was literally a vortex tunnel that I lost my noise level and hyperactivity as well. I was trying my best to put on a fine facial expression but I couldn't even hook the pasta with my fork. I realized then that I was dehydrated which explains why I was a little fine after I had water down my throat. Damn fucking metabolism.
Another cause of my dizziness would probably be Bianca's beauty overload, but if that's the case, I'd rather be dizzy all my life.
We left Ian and a friend at Greenbelt because apparently Bianca and I had to go back to Eastwood to meet Kris and Jeimi just to hang out for the rest of the day. We crossed a street where Bianca grabbed my arm because she was scared in crossing roads but I brought her safely to the other side. Who's the hero? Me. We then took a cab and history repeated itself. We were on one side of the seat again and I was quite happy of course. It was a bonding moment for the both of us throughout the trip and these were the times that I get to truly know her.
2:30 pm and we were at Eastwood; I had Bianca wait for me outside a restroom because I had to pee. I thought I lost her though 'cause she was nowhere in sight when I stepped out. But when I texted her, she just came out of nowhere. We had a good laugh for some odd reason.
We were off to DQ yet again just like before and we were supposed to meet Kris and Jeimi there. I wanted to treat Bianca something sweet too that's why I chose the place. When the whole bunch assembled we hung around for half an hour before going to the cinemas to see what time would 'Watchmen,' the movie we wanted to see that day, start since we knew we were off the playing time schedule. Anyway, the movie was only available at Ultra 7 (the cinema at the new mall) and it would start at around 5:30 pm. It was only 4:00 back then so we just headed to National Bookstore to help Kris find a gift for his dad who had his birthday the day before.
We went to the parking area because Kris wanted to get a jacket for Jeimi which was placed in his car and that I'd be depositing my bag at the same time so that I'd be having no load to bug me around. We went to Ultra 7 afterwards and bought tickets. It was 5:00 pm and we descended a floor below to sit on a couch and put our asses to rest for a while since we've been walking the whole day.
That was another epic moment since I had the balls to lean on Bianca and steal her wallet and her ID again and again. It was a fail attempt though because she wasn't so happy about it, especially when I was looking at her high school baby face picture. Fail means fail, really. Well in fact I've been leaning on her all day long because I felt like being an asshole (Hi Bianca, if you ever noticed that, just so you know). And oh, her perfume, whatever it was, I loved it. Or is it just my imagination? No epic win although I've been leaning on her.
Oh wait there's one! I grabbed her phone. What's the epic win then? She held my closed fist with both of her hands in the struggle of having her phone back. The moment I realized she was holding my hand I was stunned and I didn't know I was already letting go of her phone and dropping it to her lap. Her hands... MADE OF WIN!
We went back up to Ultra 7 at 5:30 pm and immediately took our seats after a restroom break. Soon there were people flying around asking what flavor everyone wanted for popcorns and what drinks everyone wanted to have.
"Is this included in the 700 bucks you paid?" Bianca asked me.
"Yes," I responded as soon as she finished her question.
A lady approached us and I had my order patterned after Bianca's, which was cheese for popcorn and a root beer in can. The seats were awesome too. They were all in pairs and seemed as if you're in bed. So in the far right there was Kris and Jeimi having their moment, and in the middle there was Bianca and me. Bed sensation = for the win. Kidding. I'm a shy person, you know. Don't get the wrong idea. Nothing happened.
"You sure these are all free?" she asked me again when we were having our snacks and seeing that Kris and Jeimi had none.
"Nope they're not. You're going to pay for them," I cooly lied.
"WHAT!?" she exclaimed in shock, but she later learned that they were all included in the payment.
Half of the time I was watching Bianca. She kept on asking me about the details of the movie of which 99% I couldn't answer. I was still confounded by how God bestowed her such overkilling beauty. The movie was good though but it is quite evident that I'd rather watch Bianca.
Just like good old times, we had dinner at Yellow Cab. Unfortunately, it rained when we were watching the movie. So that explains why it was freezing at Ultra 7, considering too that Bianca was having a hard time dealing with the temperature and that I was using my cap as a fan to 'comfort' her and give her some heat. Screwed. Anyway, I wanted to have dinner at the balcony but it was wet so we all opted to take the seats inside at the second floor by the farthest corner table of the room. Kris and Jeimi sat together of course and I was sitting beside Bianca. Kris and I were on the wall; to his left was Jeimi and to my right was my beloved.
This time too, I chose the pizza - Hawaiian 14". I couldn't remember the exact time when we were eating because I lost track of everything since I have been planning something hideous. When Bianca went downstairs to get the condiments she wanted, I told Plans A and B to Kris and Jeimi.
We finished dinner in 15 minutes and when I was already prepared to execute my masterful killer GG plans, I kindly sent Kris 'the sign.'
"Uhm Bianca, I'd be buying something and I'll have Jeimi along. We'll return as soon as we're finished..." Kris said to assist me on my Plan A.
"Uhhh, okaaay..." Bianca responded, thinking what would be happening next. Then, Kris and Jeimi left their seats. Plan A seemed to be working effectively. So far so good.
"We'll be back in a while," Jeimi mentioned before they turned around and descended the flight of stairs.
"So," I started, "That..." while pointing to Kris and Jeimi walking away, "... is scripted," I told Bianca.
She laughed out and gave me a light punch on my right thigh. Her smile almost killed me to my balls again. After she was settled, I moved my chair really close to her and I placed my right arm on her right shoulder. I started out again,
"This was all part of the plan, Bianca, and I know that you know where this is going," I slowly and carefully said, before continuing, "But I'd just like to tell you something."
"Hmmmmmmmm, what...?" she said while giving me her killer smile. I'm perpetually GG-fied by that ever-beautiful lips of hers.
"You know, all this time, I've been thinking, but not just of you of course but of the whole situation we are in. And I've concluded that what I'm feeling inside me is quite right although it may seem outright stupid at first. But still, I'd like you to know that you're a very special person to me. I mean, without you, I would not have changed and I could have been a useless person I was. But you, you defined me. You molded me into a new person which is what I am right now. And I thank you for that," I continued on saying the sincerest of things, and some lines of mine of which I couldn't remember anymore.
"Thanks, Mike. I thank you for everything and I appreciate every single thing you did for me," she eagerly responded while looking directly at my eyes. "Good speech by the way, but why are you all red?" she quickly placed in as a comic relief. We both laughed at that really loud like we were the spotlight at the second floor of Yellow Cab, Eastwood City, Libis.
"What!? Me? Red...? You have to be kidding me. You're the one who's red!" I responded because she was really red at that time. We laughed yet again, but I continued,
"Anyway, I'd just like to ask you a question."
"What?"
I gave her 'the question.'
"Uhm, Mike, uhhhmm..." she responded then she immediately gave me a short, sweet hug.
"Whatever happens, please don't be sad whatsoever, okay? You know my situation, right? And, uhm, I don't want to turn you down," she continued. "Damn you, your question's really hard to answer!!!"
"Ah come on, it's totally fine by me if it's a 'no.' We're still going to be friends after this," I said while laughing.
"NO, I don't want to give you a 'no!' But well, you know my situation and I couldn't say--"
"It's okay," I smiled at her before looking away. "I can wait," I followed through while smiling.
This time, we were really really close to each other. Suddenly,
"HAHAHAHA! Why are you so RED!?" she deliberately asked me (emphasis on red because I myself felt that blood was rushing exuberantly through my veins).
"HELL NO, you're RED!" I retorted.
"Want me to bring out a mirror!?" she did and we both looked at it at the same time.
"See!?" she insisted.
"Oh well. Yes, you're right, but still... (5 second pause) I love you," with a head turn that I hoped was all too suave. GG.
We conversed for like thirty minutes before I texted Kris asking where they were. I knew they felt excited over my situation but I still did not want to tell them that it was a 'no answer.' After receiving his text message though, Bianca and I came over to their spot which was a silent area in the Citywalk. We saw the two in a bench and so we decided to get ours.
It was a drama session. She was the only person in the world that I've shared my inner problems to. I mean, wow, a drama session at the end of the day? Ftw.
"If those are the only things you're worrying about, then you're no match to mine," she said.
"Damn."
We talked about problems, but I didn't really bug her to tell her side of the story else she might lose her stability. She just told me what she comfortably wanted to and that was enough for me. I felt at that time that the burden she was carrying was really really heavy and I hugged her for that.
That was when I changed again towards a better person because I knew that this petite gorgeous English block mate of mine whom I admired the most was a strong person.
I felt like a weakling. Well, weakened more to my knees because of her smile...
10:30 pm when we stood up from our bench and moved towards Kris and Jeimi. I told them I'm going to walk Bianca to her place. Bianca said her goodbyes before we walked to her condominium. I asked her if I can hold her hand. She looked at the direction of her place and then thought for a second or two before looking at me again,
"It's faaar!"
"HAHA! I was just kidding." I said.
She was quite silent but I managed to put off a few laughs out of her and I kept the talk going. We walked slow and I was cherishing the time we were together. Her backhand was touching mine but still I didn't grab her hand because I didn't have the permission in the first place.
When we were in front of her condominium, she told me she's going to her uncle's unit first so we had to say good bye to each other. But before we parted ways,
"Bianca, gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na mahal talaga kita."
[And that's the only goddamn Filipino dialogue in here. Take note of that.]
In English, "Bianca, I'd just like to tell you that I really love you." After that, I gave her a long, tight hug that should've choked her.
She joked if I had enough already during the course of the hug. We laughed at that, then we bid farewell to each other. But before she could go any further, I picked up her left hand, which was the nearest to me, with my right hand and kissed it softly. She turned around again and we found ourselves laughing harder than before.
"It was a stolen one," I sweetly said. Still, we were laughing.
When we turned our backs to each other, I texted her my apologies for doing such stupidity. She replied it was fine though. I immediately went back to Kris and Jeimi and told them the whole story. They were happy for me. Well, I'm only happy if I see Bianca happy, but she didn't seem to be really happy after our whole day adventure. She was confounded.
The next moment we were at Kris' car and we dropped off Jeimi to her place first. Kris then brought me home.
Just like good old times, we had blasted our wallets and pockets but we coursed through the path home satisfied. Well, I wished I was that time, but I really wasn't. I was troubled.
The good old times, huh?
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Friday, April 10, 2009
Chapter 11: Sidewalks
I tread on the sidewalks.
What of the main road then?
School's almost out and I've been counting the last hell weeks of the month of March, and perhaps the last days I'll be getting my ass around Ateneo. The whole of the second semester was actually my only remaining chance of proving the university that I deserved to stay since I'm on probation. However, it turned out that I just had another mediocre semester and probably I'm going to get myself kicked out any time soon. Catching up on grades may not be so possible anymore at that time.
My LS class was pretty cool because my teacher, Ms. Maglaque, was lenient and approachable. Also, I showed my interest and effort in this class. I enjoyed the focal point of doing Leadership and Strategy for one whole semester even if it took great pains for me to finish certain papers and long tests, or even researching for various information and preparing for reporting in class. Perhaps this was the class I excelled the most with my mediocre performance.
My Science class was the most useless class I ever had for the expanse of my lifetime. I don't even know if it had significance or what but I only found the important relationship of Science and Society during the last session for the whole semester. I mean, I can bluff my way around the topics when it comes to Science and Society, but the 'real' answer as to what Science and Society was all about just came out from my teacher when we were about to say goodbye to him. Good bye Mr. Marquez. Fuck that goddamn subject. I couldn't say goodbye to my killer GG girl classmates though. I still want to see them around... the hotness.
My English class was the most significant! This is unquestionable. If AISIS Online Enlistment did not fuck up I should not have been a student for section S09 and I should not have seen, known, and loved Bianca Arcega. Besides, Mrs. Oblepias was the most supportive teacher I had when it came to relationships. She tipped me well when it came to relationships and those tips were actually applicable to real life. And if it wasn't for English too, I should not have known Kris, Jeimi, Mikko, Vince and Ralph, and I should not have led a more colorful existence.
History classes, hmmm, were the most sessions I slept in. Seriously, every Histo class I attended, each and every 1-hour-20-minute discussion, I'm asleep for almost an hour. I also come in late by 5 or 10 minutes most of the time. I almost flunked the goddamn class because I was not listening to what Ms. Nazareno was discussing almost every classroom discourse and my notes were indecipherable because my hand wrote on its own whenever I'm asleep. If it wasn't for Bianca (although my efforts of challenging her came to no avail since she always scored 20 more points than I do every exam) I should've consistently flunked my long tests.
PE classes were fun although I got myself battered and bruised (I kid) a couple of times. I kind of enjoyed sparring even if the ladies of my class kept on hitting me hard with their Arnis sticks every time I had practice with them. Also, I kept on acquiring blisters all over my hands and fingers every after PE session. I learned to love the whole experience though simply because this class defined me the word 'pain,' with pleasure of course.
Theology classes were epic. My teacher, Mr. Roncal, was one of the coolest guys I've seen who was able to teach religion in an unconventional manner. Moreover, he was able to relate the topics to real life. Although I slept in the class every now and then, every lesson we had was instilled into my thinking that was why I loved doing Theology 121. This was the only class I walk out inspired other than English.
Accounting 10 was my Saturday morning class. I usually cut 2 hours of the 3-hour class by coming in late, over-extending the 10-minute break in the middle of the period for over-caffeinating myself with coffee and having rice meals or whatever, and leaving early to go to the cafeteria on the last minutes of the class. I failed this subject the previous semester so this was a retake but I thought I'd be flunking again.
NSTP was my Saturday afternoon class and I enjoyed the whole of it basically because my classmates there were all fun to be with. Through tough times we were able to do what we planned for the community we were helping back then. I'm going to miss all my NSTP buddies considering that there were several Saturdays that I played DotA with the guys. This addiction never ceased.
I also had a fair share of troubles within my friends and classmates alike, from mere disagreements to personal conflicts and all that, and I wish to discuss such no further.
I had more extra-curricular activities and I prioritized them more than my academics, to tell the truth. There was a reason why I have been lacking on motivation to propel myself to work and strive really hard. It was a challenge for me as well where to find a new motivation or inspiration. So really, I was not able to push myself any further.
It was quite evident that I haven't been traveling on the main road, but more on the sidewalks. I stood behind the street lamp posts, away from the light in the shadows of the night. I had my own stoplight to guide me through and I did not drive my ass up the right direction. I purposely led myself to fail. I didn't focus on my studies and I didn't take my probationary case seriously.
I remember this song called 'Sidewalks' by a post-hardcore band called Story Of The Year.
From the sidewalks,
Running away from the streets we knew,
Sidewalks,
Like the time we thought was made for you.
Or...
Life then was in a run for number 11. Notice how number 11 is handwritten and notice how the strokes are made. It all goes down. But to where?
That is the question I have yet to answer.
Fuck academic shit. And fuck me too. I screwed myself up. I did not know what to do with my life. Yes, I reached that phase and I don't know how and why. I had financial support from my parents, I had many circles of friends, I had enough drinking and DotA sessions, I had the best music I could probably ever like, I had my brains and my twisted philosophies, but what was I lacking?
Motivation? Nah, something more than that.
Love.
Family.
Oh, the Devil Lock. I myself am the devil of myself and I locked myself to myself thereby locking the devil unto me and locking my fate unto the devil which is me. The real problem I had actually was: I had no time for myself. For some reason, I wasn't able to focus on what I needed to do. I focused on what I wanted to do. But for sure, I will never ever regret it.
I've grown the Devil Lock up on my head by the way. So far so good. Oh yeah!
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
What of the main road then?
School's almost out and I've been counting the last hell weeks of the month of March, and perhaps the last days I'll be getting my ass around Ateneo. The whole of the second semester was actually my only remaining chance of proving the university that I deserved to stay since I'm on probation. However, it turned out that I just had another mediocre semester and probably I'm going to get myself kicked out any time soon. Catching up on grades may not be so possible anymore at that time.
My LS class was pretty cool because my teacher, Ms. Maglaque, was lenient and approachable. Also, I showed my interest and effort in this class. I enjoyed the focal point of doing Leadership and Strategy for one whole semester even if it took great pains for me to finish certain papers and long tests, or even researching for various information and preparing for reporting in class. Perhaps this was the class I excelled the most with my mediocre performance.
My Science class was the most useless class I ever had for the expanse of my lifetime. I don't even know if it had significance or what but I only found the important relationship of Science and Society during the last session for the whole semester. I mean, I can bluff my way around the topics when it comes to Science and Society, but the 'real' answer as to what Science and Society was all about just came out from my teacher when we were about to say goodbye to him. Good bye Mr. Marquez. Fuck that goddamn subject. I couldn't say goodbye to my killer GG girl classmates though. I still want to see them around... the hotness.
My English class was the most significant! This is unquestionable. If AISIS Online Enlistment did not fuck up I should not have been a student for section S09 and I should not have seen, known, and loved Bianca Arcega. Besides, Mrs. Oblepias was the most supportive teacher I had when it came to relationships. She tipped me well when it came to relationships and those tips were actually applicable to real life. And if it wasn't for English too, I should not have known Kris, Jeimi, Mikko, Vince and Ralph, and I should not have led a more colorful existence.
History classes, hmmm, were the most sessions I slept in. Seriously, every Histo class I attended, each and every 1-hour-20-minute discussion, I'm asleep for almost an hour. I also come in late by 5 or 10 minutes most of the time. I almost flunked the goddamn class because I was not listening to what Ms. Nazareno was discussing almost every classroom discourse and my notes were indecipherable because my hand wrote on its own whenever I'm asleep. If it wasn't for Bianca (although my efforts of challenging her came to no avail since she always scored 20 more points than I do every exam) I should've consistently flunked my long tests.
PE classes were fun although I got myself battered and bruised (I kid) a couple of times. I kind of enjoyed sparring even if the ladies of my class kept on hitting me hard with their Arnis sticks every time I had practice with them. Also, I kept on acquiring blisters all over my hands and fingers every after PE session. I learned to love the whole experience though simply because this class defined me the word 'pain,' with pleasure of course.
Theology classes were epic. My teacher, Mr. Roncal, was one of the coolest guys I've seen who was able to teach religion in an unconventional manner. Moreover, he was able to relate the topics to real life. Although I slept in the class every now and then, every lesson we had was instilled into my thinking that was why I loved doing Theology 121. This was the only class I walk out inspired other than English.
Accounting 10 was my Saturday morning class. I usually cut 2 hours of the 3-hour class by coming in late, over-extending the 10-minute break in the middle of the period for over-caffeinating myself with coffee and having rice meals or whatever, and leaving early to go to the cafeteria on the last minutes of the class. I failed this subject the previous semester so this was a retake but I thought I'd be flunking again.
NSTP was my Saturday afternoon class and I enjoyed the whole of it basically because my classmates there were all fun to be with. Through tough times we were able to do what we planned for the community we were helping back then. I'm going to miss all my NSTP buddies considering that there were several Saturdays that I played DotA with the guys. This addiction never ceased.
I also had a fair share of troubles within my friends and classmates alike, from mere disagreements to personal conflicts and all that, and I wish to discuss such no further.
I had more extra-curricular activities and I prioritized them more than my academics, to tell the truth. There was a reason why I have been lacking on motivation to propel myself to work and strive really hard. It was a challenge for me as well where to find a new motivation or inspiration. So really, I was not able to push myself any further.
It was quite evident that I haven't been traveling on the main road, but more on the sidewalks. I stood behind the street lamp posts, away from the light in the shadows of the night. I had my own stoplight to guide me through and I did not drive my ass up the right direction. I purposely led myself to fail. I didn't focus on my studies and I didn't take my probationary case seriously.
I remember this song called 'Sidewalks' by a post-hardcore band called Story Of The Year.
From the sidewalks,
Running away from the streets we knew,
Sidewalks,
Like the time we thought was made for you.
Or...
Life then was in a run for number 11. Notice how number 11 is handwritten and notice how the strokes are made. It all goes down. But to where?
That is the question I have yet to answer.
Fuck academic shit. And fuck me too. I screwed myself up. I did not know what to do with my life. Yes, I reached that phase and I don't know how and why. I had financial support from my parents, I had many circles of friends, I had enough drinking and DotA sessions, I had the best music I could probably ever like, I had my brains and my twisted philosophies, but what was I lacking?
Motivation? Nah, something more than that.
Love.
Family.
Oh, the Devil Lock. I myself am the devil of myself and I locked myself to myself thereby locking the devil unto me and locking my fate unto the devil which is me. The real problem I had actually was: I had no time for myself. For some reason, I wasn't able to focus on what I needed to do. I focused on what I wanted to do. But for sure, I will never ever regret it.
I've grown the Devil Lock up on my head by the way. So far so good. Oh yeah!
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Chapter 10: Sandman Saturdays
Exit light.
Enter night.
Take my hand,
Off to never never land.
March 7, 2009, Saturday, I was at the Skunk Studio somewhere in Pasig, Kapitolyo which was a 25-minute drive from Ateneo. It was almost 3:00 pm at the time and I was sitting inside the small and cramped up room. It was lighted with dimmers all around its corners and the whole place was quiet, which would be good if ever one needed time and space alone.
Well it was not really quiet. I was just deep in thought that I forgot all about the all-hail-the-almighty-mega-amplifier Kris was using and the cymbals and the toms and the double bass pedals Ayo was hitting on the drum kit. Primarily, I was there because Kris, and Ayo, his Western History classmate, had me sing their group project. They made this metal song about Rome versus Carthage and I was to growl the nine minutes of its entirety.
I jumped back to my thoughts after Kris asked me if I was okay. In fact, I was just reflecting about the 28th of February, exactly a Saturday ago, wherein the three of us in a band temporarily called My Chemical Romans (as an insult to Emo people) were still having a jam and practice session for the song we later produced as 'Catomania.'
It was around 1:00 pm when Kris and I arrived at Ayo's place. We immediately started working on the song for the second and the last time since Ayo had to leave at 2:30 and that the deadline of the project was coming in fast. They worked on the transitions and shifts in progressions and time signatures of the riffs and fills of the song while I tried to fit the lyrics they had and thought of how it would be delivered through death metal growling. As planned, we finished the ordeal at 2:30 pm and Kris and I went back to Ateneo to attend an AMP recital.
It was 3:00 pm flat when we entered the backstage of the Henry Lee Irwin theater. I was not supposed to be there because I was not an AMP member and the whole of AMP was still organizing and preparing for the show on that evening. Anyway, we met Rups, a bassist and at the same time our favorite drinking buddy, just as we entered. He grabbed the two of us and dragged us towards the stage for us to see the instruments and the guys who were playing them.
I was to watch the recital called 'Talaarawan' (diary) since Bianca had me buy a ticket. She was handling the PR department of the AMP recital back then so I was to see the fruits of her labor. Besides, some friends invited me to come over as well.
The moment Kris and I stepped down from the left stairs of the stage, we instantly noticed Ken, with a band mate whom I recall as someone named Paolo, sitting on the front row. Kris sat with them and took another seat for his guitar to rest on. There was only one remaining seat but when was about to take it, Ken suddenly interfered and said,
"Why are you seating here? You're not supposed to sit here. You're supposed to sit at the back," he said while pointing to the row of seats just behind him.
I looked to see why he was asking me to sit over there. So I trailed my vision from the first row, around the aisle, and then to the second row. Voila, when I was about to pick my ass a seat I saw Bianca seated on the first chair of the second row.
"Fucker," I told Ken. He would not let me sit with them so I got to get moving.
My brains fucked up for a second or two when I realized that the one sitting behind Bianca was Ian. He was smiling at me. I moved towards him but he immediately told me Ken's very lines I received just a moment ago, but this time, he made sure that Bianca heard what he was saying.
Since I did not drop a hello or something when I passed by Bianca, I moved over to the fourth row of seats and took the one just behind Ian. I know she noticed me even when I was still at the stage but stupid I was at the time I did not try to talk to her because 'I-wanted-to-keep-my-fucking-distance.' I kept talking to Ian though because I had to get my ass entertained to kill boredom. But when we were in the middle of a music and academic-related conversation, Bianca turned around and simply said,
"Hello, Mike."
I had enough of my self-asshole mode so I moved beside Ian to get a better talk with her. I couldn't resist 'cause she was goddamn beautiful at that time; well she always was. Her block mate Anton Magno came over and sat beside her though so the talk was interrupted for a while. Shortly afterwards, all those who were going to perform were called so that they could be told their final reminders. Ken, Kris, Paolo, Anton and Ian left, leaving only the two of us, Bianca and me, behind.
I moved beside her because I don't want her turning around and around every second. We had a great time and this opportunity was certainly a lot better compared to the 17th of February. This one, we were more open towards each other and everything was going well as if there were no hints of sadness and regrets about all the things we've talked upon during last week of February.
I loved her. I won't be able to find someone like her again in this goddamn world.
When we were talking I noticed the Anton guy looking at our direction. For a moment I thought he was going to throw me out of the theater for daring to sit beside Bianca. Ian was repeatedly giving me the thumbs up though. And Ken and Kris smiled whenever they chanced to glance by my direction.
When all AMP members were gathered, I sneaked out of the theater. It was 6:00 pm and I saw Cathy, an English classmate who sat right beside Jeimi, come down from the lights room. She said she wanted to eat although AMP members weren't allowed to go out anymore. We went out anyway and I brought her to McDonald's, my ever-favorite hang out place, and we had dinner. I talked about Bianca all the time though and Cathy had a good free taste of my entertainment. We purchased snacks at 7-11 and then we were off back to the theater again.
That's when I checked my phone and I saw that Bianca phoned me I think twice and she left me three text messages saying she was sorry she had to leave by my side when we were still in the theater because they were asked to be briefed. It was totally fine by me actually.
For some reason, when I got in the theater and the show was almost starting, I found a seat up front together with my friends, Aran, Lester, and Kris. The best thing with this was that I was sitting right beside Bianca. What the fuck? I did not really expect to find her but then there was an empty seat beside her and I took that chance.
I really enjoyed the evening although I kind of screwed up because I kept on telling Kris, who was seated next to me too, that Bianca was beautiful and I loved her and the same banana when all her friends were seated all around us. Pretty cool shit, eh?
I got to hang out with her at McDonald's at around 11:00 pm when the recital finished. It was a good show of bands but what really amazed me was Bianca's smile when she was happy about the recital as a whole.
We got a long table since many friends came along; all were guys though and Bianca was the only girl. There was Daniel, Aran, Lester, Kris, and Ken, and then the two of us. They weren't going to the after party and they'd rather have a chill night out.
I did treat Bianca with a cup of McFlurry. We both liked it, especially me, because every time I go to McDo I order one.
She was fetched at 11:30 pm and I could not walk her to her car else she's going to be 'killed' by her family. The guys went out playing Rockband™ after that but I opted to go home and have a good sleep for the rest of the evening although I so wanted to drink. I commuted home.
I've been thinking of her all the way to my room.
Even until that 7th of March. So it was my turn to record the vocals. It was nothing grand, really. It was a 15-minute run on growling and everything else was fine. Kris brought me home yet again after that but we had a meal at Ministop first.
It was 10:00 pm when I phoned Bianca. I was still at Kris' car at the time and I checked to see if she was enjoying her party. I was supposed to be at Kryptonight with her but I had to be at the studio. I dropped the idea of going to my organization's prom that same evening because it was late, and Bianca told me too that she couldn't come because I only told her about the event 3 days before when she has already planned for her party. She was not prepared yet, I remembered her explaining. If it would have been on an earlier note she would've came along with me on the prom.
Half a phone ring and,
"Hello."
"Hi Bianca. Hmmm, I thought you were going to the party? And that it's going to start at 9? Why is it quiet over there?" I noticed that she was in a really quiet place, too quiet that it might not even be a restroom at the party.
"Oh, I'm still at my place, preparing..."
"I see. Kris and I just finished the recording of our song. I'm sorry I couldn't go because my mom just wouldn't allow me. I'll make up for it next time."
"How about your prom?"
"I won't be going too. I texted a block mate and he said it would be over by 11:30 or 12:00 so there'd be no point of catching up at this time."
"Uhm, okay..."
"Have a great night Bianca. Take care," I cut in before she could say anything else.
"Thanks Mike, you too. Good night!" she sweetly responded.
"Buhbye!"
"Bye."
I hoped guys of 18 years of age especially me had a Sandman that would sprinkle sand over my eyes and put me to sleep. I've had enough of sleepless nights.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Enter night.
Take my hand,
Off to never never land.
March 7, 2009, Saturday, I was at the Skunk Studio somewhere in Pasig, Kapitolyo which was a 25-minute drive from Ateneo. It was almost 3:00 pm at the time and I was sitting inside the small and cramped up room. It was lighted with dimmers all around its corners and the whole place was quiet, which would be good if ever one needed time and space alone.
Well it was not really quiet. I was just deep in thought that I forgot all about the all-hail-the-almighty-mega-amplifier Kris was using and the cymbals and the toms and the double bass pedals Ayo was hitting on the drum kit. Primarily, I was there because Kris, and Ayo, his Western History classmate, had me sing their group project. They made this metal song about Rome versus Carthage and I was to growl the nine minutes of its entirety.
I jumped back to my thoughts after Kris asked me if I was okay. In fact, I was just reflecting about the 28th of February, exactly a Saturday ago, wherein the three of us in a band temporarily called My Chemical Romans (as an insult to Emo people) were still having a jam and practice session for the song we later produced as 'Catomania.'
It was around 1:00 pm when Kris and I arrived at Ayo's place. We immediately started working on the song for the second and the last time since Ayo had to leave at 2:30 and that the deadline of the project was coming in fast. They worked on the transitions and shifts in progressions and time signatures of the riffs and fills of the song while I tried to fit the lyrics they had and thought of how it would be delivered through death metal growling. As planned, we finished the ordeal at 2:30 pm and Kris and I went back to Ateneo to attend an AMP recital.
It was 3:00 pm flat when we entered the backstage of the Henry Lee Irwin theater. I was not supposed to be there because I was not an AMP member and the whole of AMP was still organizing and preparing for the show on that evening. Anyway, we met Rups, a bassist and at the same time our favorite drinking buddy, just as we entered. He grabbed the two of us and dragged us towards the stage for us to see the instruments and the guys who were playing them.
I was to watch the recital called 'Talaarawan' (diary) since Bianca had me buy a ticket. She was handling the PR department of the AMP recital back then so I was to see the fruits of her labor. Besides, some friends invited me to come over as well.
The moment Kris and I stepped down from the left stairs of the stage, we instantly noticed Ken, with a band mate whom I recall as someone named Paolo, sitting on the front row. Kris sat with them and took another seat for his guitar to rest on. There was only one remaining seat but when was about to take it, Ken suddenly interfered and said,
"Why are you seating here? You're not supposed to sit here. You're supposed to sit at the back," he said while pointing to the row of seats just behind him.
I looked to see why he was asking me to sit over there. So I trailed my vision from the first row, around the aisle, and then to the second row. Voila, when I was about to pick my ass a seat I saw Bianca seated on the first chair of the second row.
"Fucker," I told Ken. He would not let me sit with them so I got to get moving.
My brains fucked up for a second or two when I realized that the one sitting behind Bianca was Ian. He was smiling at me. I moved towards him but he immediately told me Ken's very lines I received just a moment ago, but this time, he made sure that Bianca heard what he was saying.
Since I did not drop a hello or something when I passed by Bianca, I moved over to the fourth row of seats and took the one just behind Ian. I know she noticed me even when I was still at the stage but stupid I was at the time I did not try to talk to her because 'I-wanted-to-keep-my-fucking-distance.' I kept talking to Ian though because I had to get my ass entertained to kill boredom. But when we were in the middle of a music and academic-related conversation, Bianca turned around and simply said,
"Hello, Mike."
I had enough of my self-asshole mode so I moved beside Ian to get a better talk with her. I couldn't resist 'cause she was goddamn beautiful at that time; well she always was. Her block mate Anton Magno came over and sat beside her though so the talk was interrupted for a while. Shortly afterwards, all those who were going to perform were called so that they could be told their final reminders. Ken, Kris, Paolo, Anton and Ian left, leaving only the two of us, Bianca and me, behind.
I moved beside her because I don't want her turning around and around every second. We had a great time and this opportunity was certainly a lot better compared to the 17th of February. This one, we were more open towards each other and everything was going well as if there were no hints of sadness and regrets about all the things we've talked upon during last week of February.
I loved her. I won't be able to find someone like her again in this goddamn world.
When we were talking I noticed the Anton guy looking at our direction. For a moment I thought he was going to throw me out of the theater for daring to sit beside Bianca. Ian was repeatedly giving me the thumbs up though. And Ken and Kris smiled whenever they chanced to glance by my direction.
When all AMP members were gathered, I sneaked out of the theater. It was 6:00 pm and I saw Cathy, an English classmate who sat right beside Jeimi, come down from the lights room. She said she wanted to eat although AMP members weren't allowed to go out anymore. We went out anyway and I brought her to McDonald's, my ever-favorite hang out place, and we had dinner. I talked about Bianca all the time though and Cathy had a good free taste of my entertainment. We purchased snacks at 7-11 and then we were off back to the theater again.
That's when I checked my phone and I saw that Bianca phoned me I think twice and she left me three text messages saying she was sorry she had to leave by my side when we were still in the theater because they were asked to be briefed. It was totally fine by me actually.
For some reason, when I got in the theater and the show was almost starting, I found a seat up front together with my friends, Aran, Lester, and Kris. The best thing with this was that I was sitting right beside Bianca. What the fuck? I did not really expect to find her but then there was an empty seat beside her and I took that chance.
I really enjoyed the evening although I kind of screwed up because I kept on telling Kris, who was seated next to me too, that Bianca was beautiful and I loved her and the same banana when all her friends were seated all around us. Pretty cool shit, eh?
I got to hang out with her at McDonald's at around 11:00 pm when the recital finished. It was a good show of bands but what really amazed me was Bianca's smile when she was happy about the recital as a whole.
We got a long table since many friends came along; all were guys though and Bianca was the only girl. There was Daniel, Aran, Lester, Kris, and Ken, and then the two of us. They weren't going to the after party and they'd rather have a chill night out.
I did treat Bianca with a cup of McFlurry. We both liked it, especially me, because every time I go to McDo I order one.
She was fetched at 11:30 pm and I could not walk her to her car else she's going to be 'killed' by her family. The guys went out playing Rockband™ after that but I opted to go home and have a good sleep for the rest of the evening although I so wanted to drink. I commuted home.
I've been thinking of her all the way to my room.
Even until that 7th of March. So it was my turn to record the vocals. It was nothing grand, really. It was a 15-minute run on growling and everything else was fine. Kris brought me home yet again after that but we had a meal at Ministop first.
It was 10:00 pm when I phoned Bianca. I was still at Kris' car at the time and I checked to see if she was enjoying her party. I was supposed to be at Kryptonight with her but I had to be at the studio. I dropped the idea of going to my organization's prom that same evening because it was late, and Bianca told me too that she couldn't come because I only told her about the event 3 days before when she has already planned for her party. She was not prepared yet, I remembered her explaining. If it would have been on an earlier note she would've came along with me on the prom.
Half a phone ring and,
"Hello."
"Hi Bianca. Hmmm, I thought you were going to the party? And that it's going to start at 9? Why is it quiet over there?" I noticed that she was in a really quiet place, too quiet that it might not even be a restroom at the party.
"Oh, I'm still at my place, preparing..."
"I see. Kris and I just finished the recording of our song. I'm sorry I couldn't go because my mom just wouldn't allow me. I'll make up for it next time."
"How about your prom?"
"I won't be going too. I texted a block mate and he said it would be over by 11:30 or 12:00 so there'd be no point of catching up at this time."
"Uhm, okay..."
"Have a great night Bianca. Take care," I cut in before she could say anything else.
"Thanks Mike, you too. Good night!" she sweetly responded.
"Buhbye!"
"Bye."
I hoped guys of 18 years of age especially me had a Sandman that would sprinkle sand over my eyes and put me to sleep. I've had enough of sleepless nights.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Chapter 9: Cloud Nine
March started out pretty well with a little speech in my English class. We were asked to prepare for a speech regarding a defining moment in our lives. The very word 'defining moment' already blasted my nerves to one name: Bianca. Cheesy it may seem, it's absolutely true, I swear.
If it was not for Bianca I should have been an extremely good for nothing person by now. My life was a mess and every aspect of it seemed to be going on all directions. I was an absolute pessimist too. So really, I couldn't be any better than the guy right next to you that's been constantly pissing you off.
She served as my inspiration.
It was the 6th of March 2009, a Friday, and I was overly excited for my English class. As usual, it was yet again the highlight of the week as if all subjects were deemed insignificant. I wanted to be the first guy to talk about defining moments. There was a twist though. The night before, Kris and I went to a nearby flower shop called Flowerlics to check for the availability and price of roses. It was a major part of my grand master plan for my speech so I reserved three red roses, with each rose having a specific meaning.
Anyway, after my Science class, I intercepted Mrs. Oblepias some distance from Xavier hall. I rushed from SEC walk because I knew she will be holding a class at Bellarmine hall, the farthest college building around the campus, and that she would be in a hurry too since her class schedule would start 10 minutes just after my Science class. I simply got a permission to execute my ultimate epic win GG-fying tactic after my defining moment speech. After that, I went to Flowerlics with Kris and Jeimi to make the complete payment for the roses and the packaging.
Forward to my English class, I begged ma'am to kindly allow me to speak up first but she gave me the second slot so that I could breath well before the plunge. All that time though, Kris was hiding in the restroom just beside our classroom because I had him hold the roses so that Bianca would not see them coming.
I started out my impromptu in a carefree yet straightforward manner.
"Good afternoon everyone. Well I'm here to talk about my defining moment which is strongly connected to someone special to me, and which I assume you all guys know who..." I eagerly told in front of the class with a smug while looking at Bianca's direction.
I talked about how Bianca was very much influential to my life and how she sculpted my personality into something a lot better. I talked about how she showed me that an intimate attachment to a person could not just exist among family but to the people around you who have always been there for you. I talked about how we got close to one another and how we got to participate in each other's lives (but delved more on mine of course). But the best thing I talked about was the one spur-of-the-moment line I just blurted out towards the end - I don't know how I managed to keep the whole talk consistent, but perhaps I was able to do so because I delivered the speech sincerely and whole-heartedly.
"If she taught me one thing that I can never forget, it has to be dedication. The time I learned that reality, I changed, and from then on was a chain of consecutive defining moments of my life... And oh - before I end this little speech of mine I'd just like to give Ms. Bianca Arcega a little token of appreciation for everything - as my inspiration."
The whole class was like "Wooow!" and everyone seemed to be clapping already. I was afraid too that the noisy boys would initiate another noise party/barrage at the back. I stepped down from the platform and I told ma'am that I'm just going to get my gift from a friend waiting outside the room.
As I passed by Bianca's seat, which was the one by the door, I told her,
"Just you wait," with a smile. Hey, at least I did smile. I never do that.
Out of the classroom I was and at that same moment I saw Kris waiting outside, standing by the wall post near the door. He immediately approached me as soon as he saw me and he handed me the roses. I told him my utmost thanks and he exchanged it with a good luck and a high five. He bid me an "I'll be back" because he still had to do something else for his own ultimate epic win of killer GG tactics. Better ask Jeimi what happened.
When I returned inside the classroom all they needed was a metal band that would play in front because the whole place was a freaggin' moshpit. I asked for a moment of silence though because I needed to tell something to Bianca.
"Bianca, three roses... three words... for everything that you did to me." I moved closer to her, looked at the flowers, and looked back again at her deep, brown, mesmerizing eyes. I continued,
"I..."
The whole place was a moshpit again but the noise faded out as quickly as it came.
"Thank you," I told her with the best of my sincerity. She thanked me after I reached her the roses. Then, I went back up front to conclude my speech.
The class was happy although not satisfied; I don't know why. Perhaps they were expecting an "I love you." Hell yeah I fucking do. But as soon as I took my seat at the back and became baptized by the noisy boys with pats and punches, ma'am told Bianca to tell her speech as a follow-up response to mine. It was funny though because she joked in a way that I'm the one to be blamed because she had to tell hers already.
She told something personal and while delivering it, she cried. Her defining moment pierced through my heart not like a Cupid's arrow but a Herculean spear, that I thought I would not have the strength to bear such pain throughout my life, or if I was in the same situation I would have been a complete mess. But Bianca, oh Bianca, she was able to stand against the test of reality and standing up to it until now.
The moment she took her seat I immediately stood up and went to her, took out a handkerchief I specially prepared for her, and wiped her tears. As I told before, I had good vibes with the future, and this time, I predicted it right that she needed a hanky. I did not wipe her tears earlier because I did not want to interrupt her speech.
I wiped the tears from her right eye first. She then moved her face closer and I wiped her left eye. The next moment she pushed me away and then she laughed really hard. Perhaps she realized that we were still in front of the eyes of the classroom. A clown I was, I still reached her the handkerchief but she kept on casting me away. That was cute of her yet sweet.
When the class was dismissed she went with me, Jeimi and Kris to the NSTP mass at the Church of the Gesu where Jeimi and I had to go. Kris went with us for his GG tactic and Bianca went with us because she thought she needed to. She even told her driver to come to school around 6 pm. She was not required to go to, as she was informed though late, but she came along.
It was kind of funny because she was carrying roses. I told her that I had my own offertory for her. The mass went quite well because we saw some friends there and Martin even sat with us. After the mass, Jeimi and I had to sign for attendance and we made Kris and Bianca wait for the both of us to finish.
When we gathered again, Kris offered to have a fruit shake at Fruitas in the University Dormitory cafeteria but he had to 'get-his-money-at-his-car-so-that-he-would-be-able-to-treat-Jeimi' GG tactic so he tugged her along. Bianca and I went straight to the cafeteria and I ordered a mango banana for me and a watermelon for her.
When the two caught up with us and Kris already made his epic win, Bianca had to leave already because her driver just arrived. I walked her back to Xavier hall where she's supposed to be fetched. The whole time we were walking though, I did the whole talk. I told her that the defining moment speech I gave would be the last of my efforts I would be pitching in for the fate of my first love life. Regrets followed however because I saw her face sad, and it seemed as if she considered the whole deal a painful one for me. I said a goodbye when I closed her car door.
Kevin Pua was sitting at the Xavier hall benches and he saw what happened. Well in fact, he knows everything and anything about my story because he was one of the people I updated the most. I told him the sad farewell I just had, and his main response was,
"What the fuck? Dude..."
Again, he revived my will and my dedication towards Bianca. God, this guy's really an important friend to me because every single time I'm down, he throws me back up to Cloud Nine stability.
I thanked Kevin for that and I returned back to the University Dormitory cafeteria to hang out with Kris and Jeimi. They seemed to be enjoying their time so I sat on another table, leaving them with their moment. I was happy for them. He walked her to the dormitory afterwards.
Kris hung out with me since I wanted to sit on a bench in front of the Church of the Gesu and look upon the cross.
I was thinking. I was on the verge of giving up actually and I don't fucking know why. Pure genius.
Kris gave me a free ride home again.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
If it was not for Bianca I should have been an extremely good for nothing person by now. My life was a mess and every aspect of it seemed to be going on all directions. I was an absolute pessimist too. So really, I couldn't be any better than the guy right next to you that's been constantly pissing you off.
She served as my inspiration.
It was the 6th of March 2009, a Friday, and I was overly excited for my English class. As usual, it was yet again the highlight of the week as if all subjects were deemed insignificant. I wanted to be the first guy to talk about defining moments. There was a twist though. The night before, Kris and I went to a nearby flower shop called Flowerlics to check for the availability and price of roses. It was a major part of my grand master plan for my speech so I reserved three red roses, with each rose having a specific meaning.
Anyway, after my Science class, I intercepted Mrs. Oblepias some distance from Xavier hall. I rushed from SEC walk because I knew she will be holding a class at Bellarmine hall, the farthest college building around the campus, and that she would be in a hurry too since her class schedule would start 10 minutes just after my Science class. I simply got a permission to execute my ultimate epic win GG-fying tactic after my defining moment speech. After that, I went to Flowerlics with Kris and Jeimi to make the complete payment for the roses and the packaging.
Forward to my English class, I begged ma'am to kindly allow me to speak up first but she gave me the second slot so that I could breath well before the plunge. All that time though, Kris was hiding in the restroom just beside our classroom because I had him hold the roses so that Bianca would not see them coming.
I started out my impromptu in a carefree yet straightforward manner.
"Good afternoon everyone. Well I'm here to talk about my defining moment which is strongly connected to someone special to me, and which I assume you all guys know who..." I eagerly told in front of the class with a smug while looking at Bianca's direction.
I talked about how Bianca was very much influential to my life and how she sculpted my personality into something a lot better. I talked about how she showed me that an intimate attachment to a person could not just exist among family but to the people around you who have always been there for you. I talked about how we got close to one another and how we got to participate in each other's lives (but delved more on mine of course). But the best thing I talked about was the one spur-of-the-moment line I just blurted out towards the end - I don't know how I managed to keep the whole talk consistent, but perhaps I was able to do so because I delivered the speech sincerely and whole-heartedly.
"If she taught me one thing that I can never forget, it has to be dedication. The time I learned that reality, I changed, and from then on was a chain of consecutive defining moments of my life... And oh - before I end this little speech of mine I'd just like to give Ms. Bianca Arcega a little token of appreciation for everything - as my inspiration."
The whole class was like "Wooow!" and everyone seemed to be clapping already. I was afraid too that the noisy boys would initiate another noise party/barrage at the back. I stepped down from the platform and I told ma'am that I'm just going to get my gift from a friend waiting outside the room.
As I passed by Bianca's seat, which was the one by the door, I told her,
"Just you wait," with a smile. Hey, at least I did smile. I never do that.
Out of the classroom I was and at that same moment I saw Kris waiting outside, standing by the wall post near the door. He immediately approached me as soon as he saw me and he handed me the roses. I told him my utmost thanks and he exchanged it with a good luck and a high five. He bid me an "I'll be back" because he still had to do something else for his own ultimate epic win of killer GG tactics. Better ask Jeimi what happened.
When I returned inside the classroom all they needed was a metal band that would play in front because the whole place was a freaggin' moshpit. I asked for a moment of silence though because I needed to tell something to Bianca.
"Bianca, three roses... three words... for everything that you did to me." I moved closer to her, looked at the flowers, and looked back again at her deep, brown, mesmerizing eyes. I continued,
"I..."
The whole place was a moshpit again but the noise faded out as quickly as it came.
"Thank you," I told her with the best of my sincerity. She thanked me after I reached her the roses. Then, I went back up front to conclude my speech.
The class was happy although not satisfied; I don't know why. Perhaps they were expecting an "I love you." Hell yeah I fucking do. But as soon as I took my seat at the back and became baptized by the noisy boys with pats and punches, ma'am told Bianca to tell her speech as a follow-up response to mine. It was funny though because she joked in a way that I'm the one to be blamed because she had to tell hers already.
She told something personal and while delivering it, she cried. Her defining moment pierced through my heart not like a Cupid's arrow but a Herculean spear, that I thought I would not have the strength to bear such pain throughout my life, or if I was in the same situation I would have been a complete mess. But Bianca, oh Bianca, she was able to stand against the test of reality and standing up to it until now.
The moment she took her seat I immediately stood up and went to her, took out a handkerchief I specially prepared for her, and wiped her tears. As I told before, I had good vibes with the future, and this time, I predicted it right that she needed a hanky. I did not wipe her tears earlier because I did not want to interrupt her speech.
I wiped the tears from her right eye first. She then moved her face closer and I wiped her left eye. The next moment she pushed me away and then she laughed really hard. Perhaps she realized that we were still in front of the eyes of the classroom. A clown I was, I still reached her the handkerchief but she kept on casting me away. That was cute of her yet sweet.
When the class was dismissed she went with me, Jeimi and Kris to the NSTP mass at the Church of the Gesu where Jeimi and I had to go. Kris went with us for his GG tactic and Bianca went with us because she thought she needed to. She even told her driver to come to school around 6 pm. She was not required to go to, as she was informed though late, but she came along.
It was kind of funny because she was carrying roses. I told her that I had my own offertory for her. The mass went quite well because we saw some friends there and Martin even sat with us. After the mass, Jeimi and I had to sign for attendance and we made Kris and Bianca wait for the both of us to finish.
When we gathered again, Kris offered to have a fruit shake at Fruitas in the University Dormitory cafeteria but he had to 'get-his-money-at-his-car-so-that-he-would-be-able-to-treat-Jeimi' GG tactic so he tugged her along. Bianca and I went straight to the cafeteria and I ordered a mango banana for me and a watermelon for her.
When the two caught up with us and Kris already made his epic win, Bianca had to leave already because her driver just arrived. I walked her back to Xavier hall where she's supposed to be fetched. The whole time we were walking though, I did the whole talk. I told her that the defining moment speech I gave would be the last of my efforts I would be pitching in for the fate of my first love life. Regrets followed however because I saw her face sad, and it seemed as if she considered the whole deal a painful one for me. I said a goodbye when I closed her car door.
Kevin Pua was sitting at the Xavier hall benches and he saw what happened. Well in fact, he knows everything and anything about my story because he was one of the people I updated the most. I told him the sad farewell I just had, and his main response was,
"What the fuck? Dude..."
Again, he revived my will and my dedication towards Bianca. God, this guy's really an important friend to me because every single time I'm down, he throws me back up to Cloud Nine stability.
I thanked Kevin for that and I returned back to the University Dormitory cafeteria to hang out with Kris and Jeimi. They seemed to be enjoying their time so I sat on another table, leaving them with their moment. I was happy for them. He walked her to the dormitory afterwards.
Kris hung out with me since I wanted to sit on a bench in front of the Church of the Gesu and look upon the cross.
I was thinking. I was on the verge of giving up actually and I don't fucking know why. Pure genius.
Kris gave me a free ride home again.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Chapter 8: Zen Garden
The next day, a Saturday, I hung out with Jeimi again for lunch. Due to some odd fate Bianca happened to see us and spent her time with us, leaving her block mates behind. I told her what happened after Eastwood, including the one where I almost got into a fist fight because of a fucking bottle of Red Horse.
I took out my notebook and I drew her. I got it pretty right though and I enjoyed looking at her again and again. I guess she did not. That's what I call quality time.
Towards the last week of February I tried to distance myself from her. We had three Y!M conversations during that week, all of which were initiated by her. At the evening of the 22nd towards the late midnight of the 23rd, we had this 5-hour-15-minute chat and I told her that I'm backing out. Where? Everything. Everywhere. Her.
Get ready for some drama. Suit yourself.
That's when I learned that she actually cared for me and that I'm not another insignificant fraction of her life story. Every time I tried to project myself as a happy and satisfied person all throughout the conversation, she always kept on asking me if I really was and she consistently doubted all my explanations. Then she shifted her approach to something more touching.
"You're a good friend so far and I enjoy your company. Let's just enjoy the friendship for now. You know, whatever you say right now, I know it hurts and I don't want to hurt you."
Well, that pretty much sums up what she told me on the earlier part of our conversation. She kept on telling me things of the similar story followed up by compliments I've never heard from a girl before. And they were all truthful and sincere which made me feel all beefed up, meaning, that I'm a good person after all. Also, she never ceased asking me if I was okay about withdrawing all my plans.
She killed me though. She said something like, "you're fine." I was stunned and GG-fied as I've always been.
She also added something like, "if I'm not stupid right now you could've gotten the chance."
And to finish me up, "you always make me smile and laugh, you keep me happy."
I was GG-fied twice with apeshit all over my balls. "If you're not there for me, I should've gone crazy by now."
Now that's thrice. Oh my lord.
In the middle of the conversation however, she said something that struck me.
Bianca (2/22/2009 11:18:17 PM): why can't he be like you?
"He."
Lucky guy.
Moving on, there's a paradigm shift when the clock crossed midnight.
"I still want to be friends with you. I now have a new group with you guys and I don't want to lose the friendships that have formed."
"Treat me as an acquaintance then."
"Why? No way. So you do really need space?"
"Well, to establish the barrier."
...
"No, Mike. If you want me to think that things will get better if we don't hang out anymore and the like, even if it'll make me sad, it would be fine by me."
"Not necessarily that way, Bianca. But why would it make you sad?"
...
"Mike, for once, even just for now, can you not think about me?"
"I can, why?"
"Tell me what you would want to tell me, now."
"I can't seem to choose the words."
"Michael Eric Acosta, sorry, I can't chill if you're going on like that."
Anyway, I tried to be as honest and sincere as possible. I've placed my full trust on her at the time and I believed every word she said. I just could not tell her though that I lied when I told her that I can not think of her for a moment - simply because I always do.
More confessions followed afterwards. I guess it was time to be holy. She always insisted though and made it sure that I was okay about everything I've been talking about. In the end, she was powerful enough to convince me,
"Okay fine I'm not withdrawing anymore and I'm taking back everything I've said. I've tried every possible effort to take you off my mind like drowning myself in useless thoughts and listening to more hardcore metal songs and everything else, but still, there's just you."
"Hahaha!"
It was a really long chat but that night was wonderful. I made an alibi that my mom was already scolding me in order to end the conversation though. But to tell the truth, I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to think.
Well aside from being gay at least I made sensible stuff with all my words.
This was one of the last chats we had for February. I didn't talk to her for a week over Y!M, and I've purposefully left my English and History classes early so that I would not get to hang out with her. I made excellent excuses whenever she asked me where I was. Actually, I was in hiding.
Thinking.
Of her.
February 27 and I made another move. We were asked to bring something that we are not for our English class. Then, we have to explain in front of everyone why.
I brought a piece of crumpled paper and written inside it was one of my literary pieces entitled 'The Art of Writing.' Anyway, I bluffed in front of the classroom that I'm not a crumpled paper because I am not useless - that each human being has meaning, and that meaning is given to you by someone else.
Okay that was fishy and everyone knows where it was going to lead to. So I made a spontaneous prank with the on-the-spot assistance of my English teacher.
"Ma'am, kindly allow me to go to this side of the platform so that I can read this piece of mine concealed in a crumpled paper to someone really special to me."
I moved just in front of Bianca, opened the crumpled paper, and said,
"Guys, uhm please keep silent because I need your cooperation so that I would be successful with my plan today," I told the whole class before I started out.
"Dear Bianca," I slowly and romantically delivered. The whole class was having a noise barrage, especially my beloved supporters at the back, Ralph, Vince Mikko, and Dan. Everyone was like "weeewoooweeewaaahh" whatever.
I was supposed to say something like "I just want to tell you that... that... uhhh-- I kid. But I like you, Bianca." But then, I forced myself to stop the joke before I unleash chaos in the classroom. Instead, I said,
"Kidding!" with a big grin on my face.
I saw Bianca all red and she was trying to cover her face. She was smiling too, consequently making her stomp on the floor continuously while sitting. The next moment she was already scratching her head with both hands, with her face having the expression of, "MIIIIIIIKE!!!" Haha that was cute. Everyone was looking at her direction.
I think I did not talk to her after the class. I just left.
I stay late in school not to go to McDonald's anymore, which was what I always did before, but to spend my time lying down in a bench at the Zen Garden, a quadrangle enclosed by the Kostka hall, the Berchman's hall, the Gonzaga hall/cafeteria, and the EDSA walk that leads to Xavier hall, which brought back all the memories.
I spent my time looking at the night sky, enjoying the tranquility and serenity of the place, because I liked to think. I never thought that there would be such a place in Ateneo that would grant me such chance.
Yes Bianca, I've always been thinking of you, and I will always do.
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I took out my notebook and I drew her. I got it pretty right though and I enjoyed looking at her again and again. I guess she did not. That's what I call quality time.
Towards the last week of February I tried to distance myself from her. We had three Y!M conversations during that week, all of which were initiated by her. At the evening of the 22nd towards the late midnight of the 23rd, we had this 5-hour-15-minute chat and I told her that I'm backing out. Where? Everything. Everywhere. Her.
Get ready for some drama. Suit yourself.
That's when I learned that she actually cared for me and that I'm not another insignificant fraction of her life story. Every time I tried to project myself as a happy and satisfied person all throughout the conversation, she always kept on asking me if I really was and she consistently doubted all my explanations. Then she shifted her approach to something more touching.
"You're a good friend so far and I enjoy your company. Let's just enjoy the friendship for now. You know, whatever you say right now, I know it hurts and I don't want to hurt you."
Well, that pretty much sums up what she told me on the earlier part of our conversation. She kept on telling me things of the similar story followed up by compliments I've never heard from a girl before. And they were all truthful and sincere which made me feel all beefed up, meaning, that I'm a good person after all. Also, she never ceased asking me if I was okay about withdrawing all my plans.
She killed me though. She said something like, "you're fine." I was stunned and GG-fied as I've always been.
She also added something like, "if I'm not stupid right now you could've gotten the chance."
And to finish me up, "you always make me smile and laugh, you keep me happy."
I was GG-fied twice with apeshit all over my balls. "If you're not there for me, I should've gone crazy by now."
Now that's thrice. Oh my lord.
In the middle of the conversation however, she said something that struck me.
Bianca (2/22/2009 11:18:17 PM): why can't he be like you?
"He."
Lucky guy.
Moving on, there's a paradigm shift when the clock crossed midnight.
"I still want to be friends with you. I now have a new group with you guys and I don't want to lose the friendships that have formed."
"Treat me as an acquaintance then."
"Why? No way. So you do really need space?"
"Well, to establish the barrier."
...
"No, Mike. If you want me to think that things will get better if we don't hang out anymore and the like, even if it'll make me sad, it would be fine by me."
"Not necessarily that way, Bianca. But why would it make you sad?"
...
"Mike, for once, even just for now, can you not think about me?"
"I can, why?"
"Tell me what you would want to tell me, now."
"I can't seem to choose the words."
"Michael Eric Acosta, sorry, I can't chill if you're going on like that."
Anyway, I tried to be as honest and sincere as possible. I've placed my full trust on her at the time and I believed every word she said. I just could not tell her though that I lied when I told her that I can not think of her for a moment - simply because I always do.
More confessions followed afterwards. I guess it was time to be holy. She always insisted though and made it sure that I was okay about everything I've been talking about. In the end, she was powerful enough to convince me,
"Okay fine I'm not withdrawing anymore and I'm taking back everything I've said. I've tried every possible effort to take you off my mind like drowning myself in useless thoughts and listening to more hardcore metal songs and everything else, but still, there's just you."
"Hahaha!"
It was a really long chat but that night was wonderful. I made an alibi that my mom was already scolding me in order to end the conversation though. But to tell the truth, I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to think.
Well aside from being gay at least I made sensible stuff with all my words.
This was one of the last chats we had for February. I didn't talk to her for a week over Y!M, and I've purposefully left my English and History classes early so that I would not get to hang out with her. I made excellent excuses whenever she asked me where I was. Actually, I was in hiding.
Thinking.
Of her.
February 27 and I made another move. We were asked to bring something that we are not for our English class. Then, we have to explain in front of everyone why.
I brought a piece of crumpled paper and written inside it was one of my literary pieces entitled 'The Art of Writing.' Anyway, I bluffed in front of the classroom that I'm not a crumpled paper because I am not useless - that each human being has meaning, and that meaning is given to you by someone else.
Okay that was fishy and everyone knows where it was going to lead to. So I made a spontaneous prank with the on-the-spot assistance of my English teacher.
"Ma'am, kindly allow me to go to this side of the platform so that I can read this piece of mine concealed in a crumpled paper to someone really special to me."
I moved just in front of Bianca, opened the crumpled paper, and said,
"Guys, uhm please keep silent because I need your cooperation so that I would be successful with my plan today," I told the whole class before I started out.
"Dear Bianca," I slowly and romantically delivered. The whole class was having a noise barrage, especially my beloved supporters at the back, Ralph, Vince Mikko, and Dan. Everyone was like "weeewoooweeewaaahh" whatever.
I was supposed to say something like "I just want to tell you that... that... uhhh-- I kid. But I like you, Bianca." But then, I forced myself to stop the joke before I unleash chaos in the classroom. Instead, I said,
"Kidding!" with a big grin on my face.
I saw Bianca all red and she was trying to cover her face. She was smiling too, consequently making her stomp on the floor continuously while sitting. The next moment she was already scratching her head with both hands, with her face having the expression of, "MIIIIIIIKE!!!" Haha that was cute. Everyone was looking at her direction.
I think I did not talk to her after the class. I just left.
I stay late in school not to go to McDonald's anymore, which was what I always did before, but to spend my time lying down in a bench at the Zen Garden, a quadrangle enclosed by the Kostka hall, the Berchman's hall, the Gonzaga hall/cafeteria, and the EDSA walk that leads to Xavier hall, which brought back all the memories.
I spent my time looking at the night sky, enjoying the tranquility and serenity of the place, because I liked to think. I never thought that there would be such a place in Ateneo that would grant me such chance.
Yes Bianca, I've always been thinking of you, and I will always do.
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