Exactly 2 months before the exact time this chapter was published, I was at Yellow Cab, Eastwood City, Libis, having my moment of truth (kindly refer to Chapter 12).
I was dumped of course.
The time I was writing this blog, I was also phoning her but the service was temporarily unavailable. I was to call her just this afternoon but it seemed that her phone was unattended. Up until now my efforts were in vain.
And as I was thinking of the whole vacation and how to summarize it into one chapter, she phoned me. 11:00 pm. It was a talk I should cherish all my fucking life.
"Hi. Hello," I answered.
"Hello Mike."
"I was phoning you a while ago but it seemed you weren't with your phone or something."
"Well yeah. I was out."
Over an hour of chatting and my stomach called for food. I learned that Bianca just arrived home when she called me and that she still haven't changed clothes. So I gave her the time of doing so while I sneaked into the kitchen to grab a pack of Cheetos and a bowl of Kellogs to munch on.
We didn't call each other back and instead we sufficed ourselves with consistent exchange of text messages. Blown away by my happiness, I wasn't able to formulate a flow for this chapter as soon as possible so I had to delay publishing this chapter.
Looking back, the whole vacation was a mere bumming spree since I had nothing to do because I was sentenced with house arrest. Add to that the condition that I cannot use the computer for long periods of time, thus limiting the sources of indoor happiness, and that I cannot tune to the television the whole day unlike before. I could only go out if I had errands (e.g. applying for transfer credentials, acquiring my transcript of records, blah blah).
I did not get my ass into UP. As expected, I wasn't able to meet the minimum requirement for transferees so I had to immediately pull out my papers from them and find another school to apply to. Too bad I could not get into Philosophy - the course I wanted to be in to ever since first year. With the aid of Japs I had myself walking into the gates of the Far Eastern University as a transferee student.
It was a Wednesday, the 6th of May, and I was with Jap and Brian (I introduced the two). Jap had to do some stuff and in that process he could kind of assist me in applying at FEU. Brian was there primarily to hangout with me and join me in this little escapade since he had nothing to do.
May 8, 2009. 9:00 am. I was already sitting at room 307 of the Nursing Building at FEU having my entrance examination. Of course I didn't prepare. The questions were similar to a Facebook quiz and I finished in an hour and a half. I then went to Ateneo to get my official transcript of records that I should be submitting to FEU because I was quite sure I'm going to pass the entrance.
Indeed. I was accepted and I could apply for merit scholarship because I got a good 97% in the entrance exam. I was in for AB Literature. So everything was quite according to plan and I cheered up my parents' spirits with my latest accomplishment in life. Let's see what they're going to do with my scholarship then.
Happiness and glory aside, things were quite pains in the ass. Everything was such a hassle that I needed to bounce back and forth from Ateneo to UP and to FEU for several times to fix my papers and run into transactions. I had my application at UP finally cleared when I acquired back all my documents and submitted them straight to FEU - and it didn't end there - FEU wanted more than what UP required for applications so I had to go back to Ateneo to apply all over again for those fucking papers.
The evening of May 17, 2009 I decided to write something for Bianca. It's a short poem which can be found here. I'd like you to closely watch out for the details so as to unlock its secrets.
May 21, 2009. 2:20 pm.
"Hi mike! What's up?" Bianca messaged me at Yahoo! Messenger.
"Hi. Sorry for the late reply. I was making coffee downstairs." I haven't talked to her lately. I continued, "Uhhh what's up? Nothing much."
"How are you?" she asked.
"No, how are you?" I could not remember why I was in a bad mood back then.
"Answer my question first."
"Ladies first."
The argument kept on going in circles and I admit I sounded rude and sarcastic all throughout.
"I'm okay," she gave in, "But I think you're not in the mood to talk."
"As long as you're okay, I'm good. And oh, I'm always in the mood to talk."
"I'm sorry," she responded.
"Why?"
"Just wanted to know how you are."
Ok so I was in semi-asshole mode and I successfully ticked her off, ticking myself too in the process. It was fucking stupid of me.
And oh yes, for the last of the updates regarding the whole vacation - it is being on the phone with her the evening of May 25, 2009. Martin even told me that the 2-month fail-sary (as I'd like to put it) is not worth commemorating. I guess so, yes, but still it didn't break me - it made me instead, into another person. And as I've even said before, nothing's going to make me love her any less than today, or tomorrow, or the days after.
And here I am writing another Genesis of my life.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Chapter 20: Fate/Stay Night
Unusual title, eh? Does it sound familiar? Well for anime fans, yes.
Exactly 5 weeks ago, around 11:20 pm, I had to shut my computer down because I had to fucking obey stupid house regulations. I wasn't in the mood to sleep of course. I mean, who would be fucking asleep when the moment before you do so, you were being scolded for innocently killing boredom because you were a fucking bum all throughout the day. It has been pissing me off.
Because I was overly pissed at the time I didn't know I was already unconsciously scanning TV channels for a good show that'd hopefully lend me slumber, I tuned in to Animax at around 11:35 pm. I was like,
"Hey I know this fucking shit."
Indeed. It was the last anime I watched before I quit being a fan several years ago. As far as I could remember I was only able to watch the first 3 episodes of the whole series. I was a lucky ass because the moment I tuned in, episode 4 was already playing as if the show was for me.
Fate/Stay Night.
It was based on a video game and the story is pretty awesome although the anime version was minimized to fill in only 24 episodes where as the original length would probably be 100 times longer (hyperbole intended). Here's the gist of the story.
Setting: Japan
The main character named Shirou is an incapable magician who summoned a servant named Saber. Because of this he turned out to be one of the seven masters, who each has a servant, that will fight other masters and servants in the Holy Grail war. Now this war grants the last master and servant standing a wish through the power of the holy grail (note that Shirou was wishing for nothing), but to achieve this means to eliminate every single opponent through the forced cooperation of the master and the servant with the circumstances that 1.) only the servant can touch the grail, 2.) the master can force the servant. Let them sort their balls out with that. Smells like trouble.
Each servant is a reincarnation of a legendary character but in a different form. Saber for example is a woman but is actually King Arthur in the past. King Arthur wanted to win the Holy Grail war to undo a mistake that caused the fall of his kingdom. That is his purpose for fighting in the war. As the story progresses, Shirou pointed out that the effort was stupid since he believes that the past is the past and that what one should be thinking of and preparing for right now is the future. Moreover, he said that changing the past is childish - a mistake is a mistake and undoing something in the past means not getting over it up until now.
There have been numerous twists in the story, of which I'm not going to spoil anymore, that makes Fate/Stay Night a really cool anime considering that I only liked 4 or 5 animes in my whole life. Towards the end, Shirou and Saber were to fight one of the most powerful servants, who was a reincarnation of Gilgamesh (remember your Western history), and a formidable master, who was a survivor of the previous holy grail war that killed Shirou's stepfather.
Towards the end, Saber was able to kill Gilgamesh with her full power. Shirou was able to successfully defeat the last remaining master rendering him the glory of the holy grail war. But then, he ordered Saber to destroy the holy grail to stop the madness and wickedness it has brought to the world. At the end of it all, Saber realized that she loved Shirou who loved her first but she didn't succumb to because she was blinding herself that all she wanted was the grail. It was a cheesy ending, but there's this one scene that I fucking liked in this anime.
When Saber was able to defeat Gilgamesh, the guy told her that all he wanted was Saber and nothing more. Before he dissipated into thin air, he uttered the following words while having his right palm rest on Saber's left cheek.
"Some things are beautiful for the very reason that they are unobtainable."
And oh, during the last minutes of the very last episode there's this scene when Shirou was contemplating upon the past. I think he was standing on a bridge or something while overlooking a sea. It was the same place where he got to hang out with Saber before.
He said something like, "I might forget her smile, her voice, her face... But I won't be able to forget that I loved someone named Saber." I'm not sure with the accuracy of the words though but the essence was the same thing. Cheese. I enjoyed the whole series too that I wanted to download the game. It's just that my hard drive's left with only 200 MB of usable space whilst the whole visual novel was 2 gigabytes in size.
As if I've not had enough of animes and that I'm a fucking bum, I watched another series that was released December 2008. Now this anime's nothing fancy of intense sword fighting, bizarre sorcery, flying people and weird talking animals and mystical creatures and cute little demons and sexy hentai-ish angels - this one's normal, normal as in it can be seen in every day life. It's called,
ToraDora.
(Tiger Dragon, mind you.)
And this one's not fucking cheesy to tell the truth. This one's a simple laughtrip. The whole series can be found at YouTube if ever you're interested and I recommend it to those who don't like anime. Yes, those who don't like anime. And oh, try to unlock why the anime's entitled tiger and dragon. It's pretty interesting.
Interesting because... There's two guys who are good friends - one looks like a serial killer giving him the reputation of a delinquent in school, feared by many students, and the other guy a simple overworking genius and an athlete at the same time, and a heartthrob. They were second year high school students, and on the very first day of their school year, Ryuji 'the delinquent' bumped onto Taiga 'the palmtop tiger' (because of her tiger-like attitude that can beat the shit out of anyone, and palmtop because she's really small).
Now that's two powers clashing in school and Ryuji got his nose broken. Moving on, Taiga got to beat the shit out of Ryuji because she accidentally placed her love letter for Yusaku (Ryuji's good friend) in Ryuji's bag. Ryuji, in consolation, however opened up to Taiga about her feelings for Minori (a fellow baseball team captain of Yusaku) and that's when Taiga revealed that Minori was her goddamn bestfriend, so really, Ryuji screwed his ass twice - making her Taiga's dog for quite some time.
And the best goddamn thing is that they're all classmates.
And there's an addition to their simple group when Ami, a childhood friend of Yusaku and at the same time a really gorgeous model, transferred to their school and to their happy class.
What's good about this shit is that, throughout the story, Minori tried to hide her feelings for Ryuji, while Ami waited for Ryuji to give up on Minori so that she would have her chance. And then, in the end, Taiga realized that she liked Ryuji more than Yusaku (who by the way liked her before but started to like someone else). Now that's what we call intensity.
I'm not going to spoil the details. I'd rather have you see this for yourself.
The verdict: no matter how much time I spend on other things, the tigers and dragons of infatuation cling on me that I stay up all night pondering on the progression of my fate.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Exactly 5 weeks ago, around 11:20 pm, I had to shut my computer down because I had to fucking obey stupid house regulations. I wasn't in the mood to sleep of course. I mean, who would be fucking asleep when the moment before you do so, you were being scolded for innocently killing boredom because you were a fucking bum all throughout the day. It has been pissing me off.
Because I was overly pissed at the time I didn't know I was already unconsciously scanning TV channels for a good show that'd hopefully lend me slumber, I tuned in to Animax at around 11:35 pm. I was like,
"Hey I know this fucking shit."
Indeed. It was the last anime I watched before I quit being a fan several years ago. As far as I could remember I was only able to watch the first 3 episodes of the whole series. I was a lucky ass because the moment I tuned in, episode 4 was already playing as if the show was for me.
Fate/Stay Night.
It was based on a video game and the story is pretty awesome although the anime version was minimized to fill in only 24 episodes where as the original length would probably be 100 times longer (hyperbole intended). Here's the gist of the story.
Setting: Japan
The main character named Shirou is an incapable magician who summoned a servant named Saber. Because of this he turned out to be one of the seven masters, who each has a servant, that will fight other masters and servants in the Holy Grail war. Now this war grants the last master and servant standing a wish through the power of the holy grail (note that Shirou was wishing for nothing), but to achieve this means to eliminate every single opponent through the forced cooperation of the master and the servant with the circumstances that 1.) only the servant can touch the grail, 2.) the master can force the servant. Let them sort their balls out with that. Smells like trouble.
Each servant is a reincarnation of a legendary character but in a different form. Saber for example is a woman but is actually King Arthur in the past. King Arthur wanted to win the Holy Grail war to undo a mistake that caused the fall of his kingdom. That is his purpose for fighting in the war. As the story progresses, Shirou pointed out that the effort was stupid since he believes that the past is the past and that what one should be thinking of and preparing for right now is the future. Moreover, he said that changing the past is childish - a mistake is a mistake and undoing something in the past means not getting over it up until now.
There have been numerous twists in the story, of which I'm not going to spoil anymore, that makes Fate/Stay Night a really cool anime considering that I only liked 4 or 5 animes in my whole life. Towards the end, Shirou and Saber were to fight one of the most powerful servants, who was a reincarnation of Gilgamesh (remember your Western history), and a formidable master, who was a survivor of the previous holy grail war that killed Shirou's stepfather.
Towards the end, Saber was able to kill Gilgamesh with her full power. Shirou was able to successfully defeat the last remaining master rendering him the glory of the holy grail war. But then, he ordered Saber to destroy the holy grail to stop the madness and wickedness it has brought to the world. At the end of it all, Saber realized that she loved Shirou who loved her first but she didn't succumb to because she was blinding herself that all she wanted was the grail. It was a cheesy ending, but there's this one scene that I fucking liked in this anime.
When Saber was able to defeat Gilgamesh, the guy told her that all he wanted was Saber and nothing more. Before he dissipated into thin air, he uttered the following words while having his right palm rest on Saber's left cheek.
"Some things are beautiful for the very reason that they are unobtainable."
And oh, during the last minutes of the very last episode there's this scene when Shirou was contemplating upon the past. I think he was standing on a bridge or something while overlooking a sea. It was the same place where he got to hang out with Saber before.
He said something like, "I might forget her smile, her voice, her face... But I won't be able to forget that I loved someone named Saber." I'm not sure with the accuracy of the words though but the essence was the same thing. Cheese. I enjoyed the whole series too that I wanted to download the game. It's just that my hard drive's left with only 200 MB of usable space whilst the whole visual novel was 2 gigabytes in size.
As if I've not had enough of animes and that I'm a fucking bum, I watched another series that was released December 2008. Now this anime's nothing fancy of intense sword fighting, bizarre sorcery, flying people and weird talking animals and mystical creatures and cute little demons and sexy hentai-ish angels - this one's normal, normal as in it can be seen in every day life. It's called,
ToraDora.
(Tiger Dragon, mind you.)
And this one's not fucking cheesy to tell the truth. This one's a simple laughtrip. The whole series can be found at YouTube if ever you're interested and I recommend it to those who don't like anime. Yes, those who don't like anime. And oh, try to unlock why the anime's entitled tiger and dragon. It's pretty interesting.
Interesting because... There's two guys who are good friends - one looks like a serial killer giving him the reputation of a delinquent in school, feared by many students, and the other guy a simple overworking genius and an athlete at the same time, and a heartthrob. They were second year high school students, and on the very first day of their school year, Ryuji 'the delinquent' bumped onto Taiga 'the palmtop tiger' (because of her tiger-like attitude that can beat the shit out of anyone, and palmtop because she's really small).
Now that's two powers clashing in school and Ryuji got his nose broken. Moving on, Taiga got to beat the shit out of Ryuji because she accidentally placed her love letter for Yusaku (Ryuji's good friend) in Ryuji's bag. Ryuji, in consolation, however opened up to Taiga about her feelings for Minori (a fellow baseball team captain of Yusaku) and that's when Taiga revealed that Minori was her goddamn bestfriend, so really, Ryuji screwed his ass twice - making her Taiga's dog for quite some time.
And the best goddamn thing is that they're all classmates.
And there's an addition to their simple group when Ami, a childhood friend of Yusaku and at the same time a really gorgeous model, transferred to their school and to their happy class.
What's good about this shit is that, throughout the story, Minori tried to hide her feelings for Ryuji, while Ami waited for Ryuji to give up on Minori so that she would have her chance. And then, in the end, Taiga realized that she liked Ryuji more than Yusaku (who by the way liked her before but started to like someone else). Now that's what we call intensity.
I'm not going to spoil the details. I'd rather have you see this for yourself.
The verdict: no matter how much time I spend on other things, the tigers and dragons of infatuation cling on me that I stay up all night pondering on the progression of my fate.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
Monday, May 18, 2009
Chapter 19: A Dejected Argument
May 5, 2009.
It was any other bum day since I was caged home for a full 24 hours. The whole day was actually quite fine and it was going steady until the clock hit 4:00 pm.
My mom called UP earlier that day to inquire about the processing of my application. It was bad news since the moment the Office of the University Registrar answered mum's call and asked for my name,
"Oh, Michael? From Ateneo?" asked by someone who got the line.
"Yes," mum immediately replied.
"Uhmm, we are still on the process of evaluating his grades but they are really low that he might not get the cut..."
It was a 1-minute conversation between mum and that someone. Mum just passed me this information since I was playing DotA when she called UP.
4:00 pm it is when dad arrived from Makati.
"So, if he's not going to UP...?" he confronted mum.
"We don't know."
"Then he's not going to study anymore! It's UP or nothing!" dad blatantly replied.
Angered yet shocked by this, I went to the dining room where both of them were discussing so that I could at least question how that decision came to be. In case, I also prepared to explain myself if ever mum and dad are going to GG-fy me for eternity. But a poor damned soul I was, the second they caught a glimpse of my figure emerging from the stairs, dad already started,
"Michael Eric, what now?"
"What 'what now'?" I slowly and softly answered.
"If you're not going to UP... Then you're not going anywhere!"
I didn't answer back to his fiery words. I was quite insulted with his statement. I know I got kicked out of the Ateneo because of my irresponsibility but for sure this isn't the way to settle this situation. I've always thought there's a room for improvement in any aspect of life I could be in, but then, what now?
That sucks.
May 6, 2009. 12:50 am.
I just signed in at Yahoo! Messenger because I got bored with TV shows and that I couldn't sleep. Just seconds after I clicked on the 'Available' button (since I do sign in as 'Invisible') a message window instantly popped up.
"Ooh Mr. Acosta is here ;))" Bianca said.
"Hi :-D"
"How are you?"
"Uhhh, screwed for life. You?"
"Screwed since a second ago."
"Why?"
"Because you said you're screwed for life."
I guarantee you those were the very words. It was only a 40-minute chat and all that time she was convincing me that I'm not a good-for-nothing person and that my parents weren't loathing me whatsoever. A pessimist I am, I argued that life's going to be wasted anytime soon. I told her that I've already lost everything the day before. I don't even know if my existence is going on a direction. I don't have anything more than that.
"But you have a friend that's bugging you right now and telling you not to give up because she believes in you."
Sweet. K. I was GG-fied yet again and I didn't know what to say but thanks. I knew I couldn't get myself to loving her any less because I just could not afford to.
"I told you," she continued, "You can't do anything. You're stuck with me. Sorry :-P"
The verdict was that we both believed there is goodness in this earth - she believes in mine; I believe in hers. Quits. Wait, what?!
It was pretty much casual talk when the chat crossed 20 minutes time but then she pitched in another GG line out of the blue.
"Haven't heard from you in a while. Hmmm."
"Why?"
"Don't get so depressed. There are so many beautiful things in this world."
"Indeed."
...
"Good thing I caught you online because I rarely get to afford the time," she said.
"I'm just a phone away."
She had to go in a little while so she already bid a good bye. She had to wake up early later that morning because she had to apply for her driver's license. But before we ended our conversation, we had these significant lines, I may say, that we traded with the winds of memory. I started out first.
"You're always convincing, Bianca. You can be in Ms. Universe."
"Nooo, I'm short."
"I'm not yet done. Ms Universe... Of my life."
"=))"
Fuck my ass. Now. That has to be the lamest line I could've said in my whole fucking life.
"I dont want to see you sad," I resumed.
"You want me to smile?"
"If I were a camera, I'm sure you'd always be smiling. That's why your smile is stored in my brain."
":)) Anyway, before I go, smile for me."
I did. It could've been more romantic if I had tears flowing down from my eyes, but no.
Life is one big fucking argument. Mike Acosta is a big fat argument. What do these have in common?
They're fucking dejected. That's cool, man.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
It was any other bum day since I was caged home for a full 24 hours. The whole day was actually quite fine and it was going steady until the clock hit 4:00 pm.
My mom called UP earlier that day to inquire about the processing of my application. It was bad news since the moment the Office of the University Registrar answered mum's call and asked for my name,
"Oh, Michael? From Ateneo?" asked by someone who got the line.
"Yes," mum immediately replied.
"Uhmm, we are still on the process of evaluating his grades but they are really low that he might not get the cut..."
It was a 1-minute conversation between mum and that someone. Mum just passed me this information since I was playing DotA when she called UP.
4:00 pm it is when dad arrived from Makati.
"So, if he's not going to UP...?" he confronted mum.
"We don't know."
"Then he's not going to study anymore! It's UP or nothing!" dad blatantly replied.
Angered yet shocked by this, I went to the dining room where both of them were discussing so that I could at least question how that decision came to be. In case, I also prepared to explain myself if ever mum and dad are going to GG-fy me for eternity. But a poor damned soul I was, the second they caught a glimpse of my figure emerging from the stairs, dad already started,
"Michael Eric, what now?"
"What 'what now'?" I slowly and softly answered.
"If you're not going to UP... Then you're not going anywhere!"
I didn't answer back to his fiery words. I was quite insulted with his statement. I know I got kicked out of the Ateneo because of my irresponsibility but for sure this isn't the way to settle this situation. I've always thought there's a room for improvement in any aspect of life I could be in, but then, what now?
That sucks.
May 6, 2009. 12:50 am.
I just signed in at Yahoo! Messenger because I got bored with TV shows and that I couldn't sleep. Just seconds after I clicked on the 'Available' button (since I do sign in as 'Invisible') a message window instantly popped up.
"Ooh Mr. Acosta is here ;))" Bianca said.
"Hi :-D"
"How are you?"
"Uhhh, screwed for life. You?"
"Screwed since a second ago."
"Why?"
"Because you said you're screwed for life."
I guarantee you those were the very words. It was only a 40-minute chat and all that time she was convincing me that I'm not a good-for-nothing person and that my parents weren't loathing me whatsoever. A pessimist I am, I argued that life's going to be wasted anytime soon. I told her that I've already lost everything the day before. I don't even know if my existence is going on a direction. I don't have anything more than that.
"But you have a friend that's bugging you right now and telling you not to give up because she believes in you."
Sweet. K. I was GG-fied yet again and I didn't know what to say but thanks. I knew I couldn't get myself to loving her any less because I just could not afford to.
"I told you," she continued, "You can't do anything. You're stuck with me. Sorry :-P"
The verdict was that we both believed there is goodness in this earth - she believes in mine; I believe in hers. Quits. Wait, what?!
It was pretty much casual talk when the chat crossed 20 minutes time but then she pitched in another GG line out of the blue.
"Haven't heard from you in a while. Hmmm."
"Why?"
"Don't get so depressed. There are so many beautiful things in this world."
"Indeed."
...
"Good thing I caught you online because I rarely get to afford the time," she said.
"I'm just a phone away."
She had to go in a little while so she already bid a good bye. She had to wake up early later that morning because she had to apply for her driver's license. But before we ended our conversation, we had these significant lines, I may say, that we traded with the winds of memory. I started out first.
"You're always convincing, Bianca. You can be in Ms. Universe."
"Nooo, I'm short."
"I'm not yet done. Ms Universe... Of my life."
"=))"
Fuck my ass. Now. That has to be the lamest line I could've said in my whole fucking life.
"I dont want to see you sad," I resumed.
"You want me to smile?"
"If I were a camera, I'm sure you'd always be smiling. That's why your smile is stored in my brain."
":)) Anyway, before I go, smile for me."
I did. It could've been more romantic if I had tears flowing down from my eyes, but no.
Life is one big fucking argument. Mike Acosta is a big fat argument. What do these have in common?
They're fucking dejected. That's cool, man.
-----
[Click to go to the next chapter]
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